NOL Catastrophe
by ProxyEdgy
Summary: Relius' new experiment leaves Terumi with a task he is obviously not suited for. Hijinks shall ensue. [Warning: As any teenager-minded little jerk, Terumi should probably wash his mouth with soap. Lots and lots of cussing]
1. The prologue-ing

NOL Catastrophe

It was a beautiful clear night. The full moon shone brightly through the glass windows, curtains making shadows along the corridor. The slender figure walked briskly. He reached the last door and opened it without a second thought.

Dramatic lightning came across the very dark laboratory, shining light over the scary metal apparatus for a very brief second. "Ah, Hazama. I was waiting for you."

The masked man's smile did not make the situation any more appealing. "Huh, so… What was it we were doing tonight again, Colonel?"

"Why…" Relius took a small and unpleasant looking drill-like _thing_ from a nearby drawer. Cue in the dramatic lightning. "We'll run some tests, of course."

"Could you be any more annoying about it, though?"

"It's called scene composition." Relius retorted. "Now sit down."

"Yes, yes, as you wish." Hazama slowly made his way to the one chair in the room and slumped over it. "By the way, Colonel, where's Terumi-san?"

"Last time I checked, he was trying to drive the Imperator over the edge with his so-called 'music'."

"Well, it works with Tsubaki." Hazama smiled, remembering the last "incident". "I guess you could say she never _sees_ it coming?"

The masked man's smile vanished immediately. "I will inflict physical pain on you over this."

"My, my, no need to get worked up, Colonel. It was just a joke." Hazama laughed the other's comment off. That was a mistake.

For the man named Relius Clover did not jest.

And he turned on the drill.

It was a beautiful clear night. Never mind the very painful scream that echoed through the lone corridors of the NOL branch in… some unnamed hierarchical city. It was nothing short of a common, beautiful night.

Dramatic lightning came again, just for effect. "Now, Hazama, I've been meaning to test this for a while." The voices from beyond talked over the sound of a very loud electric guitar.

"And what might that be?"

"A little something I adapted from our gag ending experiences."

"And why does it look like—GYAAAAH!"

The beautiful clear night continues. From a window in the last floor, a loud crash followed by very loud smug laughter. Ah, yes, everything as it should be.

Somewhere not that far away, a very tired and beaten up Ragna-kun scolded a very full and satisfied Dead Spike-san.

* * *

I do not own Blazblue, but my imagination says otherwise.


	2. The Happening

1\. The Happening

Terumi slams the door to Relius' lab with abandon and strolls in like he owns the place. "Yo, Relius! Have you seen Hazama-chan today?" The room, completely lit with artificial light, shows little sight of the horrific experiments done within, save for… a small green lamp.

Do not be mistaken, it was a very important lamp. In fact, it was the most important thing in this whole setup, yup. Relius stole it from Kokonoe a few days back (she was looking away when he teleported in so he helped himself) and hadn't gotten around to messing with it yet, leaving it to lay around the place.

It had some kind of fascinating magical quality to it, too. Every time you'd look, it would be somewhere different from the time before. Almost as if it was trying to communicate, or play hide-and-seek.

But it was still a lamp, so that would be stupid.

Anyway, the funniest thing about the lamp was that Terumi jumped around like a scared cat every time Relius turned it on, so he kept a remote controller in his pocket just in case. And this was a good occasion.

*Click*

"Gyah! What the hell!" He leaped, hiding behind Relius' chair. "Stop that, Relius, goddammit! Every fucking time!"

*Click* With the lamp off, Terumi relaxed his stance, but was still wary. "A test must be run a minimal number of times for the results to hold any value."

"Well, go test on somebody—"*Click*"_RELIUS!_"

*Click* "Sorry, my hand slipped." Relius slipped his hand out of his pocket before Terumi had the chance to discover where the remote was. As fun of an activity as this was, it wasn't worth having to make yet a sixth remote. "What did you come here for?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, Hazama. Seen him around today?" The small snake eyes searched around, wary of his every movement.

"He should be in his office right now. Did you look there already?"

The smug snake smiled broadly. "Nah, I just knocked. He didn't answer right away, so I had to come complain to you about it, right?"

Relius stared sternly at him through the mask. Terumi's expression did not change.

*Click* "Gah! God fucking dammit—Okay, okay, I get it, I'm going! Jeez, learn to live a little, you stuck-up!"

The brat of a man stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Relius sighed. Finally, peace and quiet.

*Click* Lights out.

The masked man smiled to himself.

* * *

"Hazama-chan!" Terumi knocked. No answer. "Hazama-chan, open the door. I'm so fucking bored." What, was the other angry or something? Terumi didn't remember fucking up too bad the day before. But then again, he barely remembered stuff like this. "I promise I won't let Ouroboros steal your boiled eggs again, so just let me in already~"

Still no answer. Indeed, not a single sound was coming from the other side of the door. Terumi was being completely and utterly ignored.

And he was not a man who would be okay with that. "Hazama-chan~" He playfully called, both hands in his pocket. "I'm COMING IN!"

SLAM. With one swift kick, the door was forced open. A small yelp could be heard, probably the squeaking from the hinges, but otherwise the place was empty.

"You hiding or something?" Terumi walked right in, not caring even a little about the destruction that followed his path. He leaned completely over the big desk, dropping the papers in a perfectly executed manner as to not leave a single one over the wooden surface, while looking under the other side. "Hazama-chan~ Let me play too~ I'm so fucking bored you wouldn't believe it. And Izanami broke my guitar last night. She's such a _jerk_."

After going around the room obliviously trampling all over some very important documents, Terumi turned around and sat on the desk. "Did he went to get coffee or something? Maybe if I wait around he'll come back soon… Huh?"

The door moved. Actually, something moved from behind the door, pushing it ever so slightly forwards. What came out of the small space, pacing around as if drunk or very dizzy, was no other than Hazama's… hat?

"The hell." Terumi pulled his legs up the desk, taken aback somewhat by the apparition. "Ouroboros? Nah, it wouldn't hide _that_ well…"

It wasn't completely hidden, that's for sure. A small yellow string came from the back, and attached to it was an oval pink toy with some small puffs coming from the opposite tip.

The hat came all the way over and promptly bumped against the desk with a loud thud. Terumi heard again the weird yelp from when he kicked the door.

A small, round pink butt came from underneath the hat, the yellow string attached to it moving around on its own. A _tail_.

Too curious for his own good (and also too bored to think too much about the situation), Terumi leaned over and grabbed the hat, revealing the creature underneath.

*Yelp* The thing in question was a small, half-pink half-yellow cat. It immediately bit the other end of the hat, angrily pulling, but to no avail. Terumi pulled the hat and the thing up the desk, where it fell on his lap.

"Now, now, now, this is _interesting_…" He mulled, an evil grin coming over his face. The kitty shrunk back instinctively. "What's a _poor_ lost kitty doing around here, I wonder? Oh, you poor fella must be _so scared_~"

The cat started meowing all of a sudden, a very annoying sound. It didn't look scared at all. In fact, it was clearly angry. Its slit-like eyes seemed somehow familiar.

"Pipe down, you little fucker!" Terumi tried to muffle the annoyance by putting Hazama's hat on top of it. Miraculously, it worked.

As long as it had the hat, it seemed pleased enough with the situation. The smug smile was as annoying as the crying itself, and Terumi pushed the thing off the desk. It did not fall on its stubby legs.

"Holy fuck, you're pathetic." Terumi tried to step on it, but gave up halfway through. The kitty was just short of being the size of his foot, so it'd be no fun to step over. And the crying was surely reason enough to avoid torturing it for now.

Terumi stared at the kitty, and its slit eyes stared back. "So let me guess. You showed up, Hazama-chan had the allergy of his life and left you and his hat locked up in the office? Makes sense."

Meow.

"_Boring_. If only I was there to see his swollen up face all red and disgusting and laugh at him, at least…"

"Ah, Terumi." Relius' sudden intrusion was as smooth as ever. The snake looked up to the door, and the masked man that was now there. "I see you… found your way in."

"_Yeah_, but no Hazama." Terumi complained, actually putting some weight on his foot. The kitty yelped, trying to run away, to no avail. "Only a stupid cat."

Leaning over, he caught the animal by its tail and pulled it up. It was reminiscent of a hunter showing off his prey, only way more pathetic. "Actually…" Relius took his sweet time. "_That_ is Hazama."

"Excuse me?"

"That is Hazama." Relius repeated himself, strolling in and taking the cat out of Terumi's hand. The small animal shivered and bit him. The masked man did not show any sights of caring about the fact. "There were some… problems with my experimentation last night. Mainly the fact I did not calibrate my apparatus correctly."

"Huh…" Terumi looked at Relius and at the cat that was trying to rip the man's arm off with its miniscule teeth. "What."

The masked man sighed. "Hazama is a cat now."

"…"

"Please do not look at me that way."

"…Relius."

"I will not apologize."

"Are you _for fucking real?!_" Terumi finally exploded. "A CAT? A fucking CAT?! That's my fucking vessel for now on?! How am I even going to get back inside it?! How in the hell is this even gonna work!?"

"The good news is that it is still 100% compatible with your rotten excuse for a soul."

"**_It's a fucking cat!_**"

"The bad news is that I still don't know how to get you back inside it."

"There are **_worse things_** to be worried about right now!"

Meow.

"Shut the hell up, nobody asked you!"

"I think he wants his hat back." Relius suggested, leaning over. The cat leaped from his arms and dove under the black hat, smiling smugly as it lifted its little pink and yellow head.

Terumi looked back at the masked man once again. "Oh my god Relius is that blood on your arm." He facepalmed.

"Huh." Relius' arm squirted out blood from the two small holes the cat's fangs had carved on the skin. "It packs quite a bite for such a small little thing."

"You're a fucking fountain, man."

"It's not that bad." He said, as his whole arm was dyed red from the elbow down.

Meow.

"Fuck this, I'm done with this shit." Terumi straightforwardly declared, making his way to the door. "If you need me, I'll be kicking the Hakumen Sandbag over at my—Whoa!"

"Not so fast, Terumi." Relius pulled him back by the hood. "The body is yours, the responsibility is also yours."

"Fuck off, Relius, it's your fault this happened in the first place!"

"And it may happen _again_, if you don't help me."

"… Are you fucking threatening me over a goddamn cat? For real?"

The masked man smiled broadly. "Glad to know we're on the same terms." He handed him a small oval object. "Here, you may need that. I wish you luck."

Terumi looked at his own hand, then at Relius, then back at his hand, until his sight finally stopped on the happy hat-wearing cat waving its tail at him. "This is real."

"As real as my unwanted relationship with you and all the things I had to endure because of it."

"A fucking _cat_, damnit! Why did it have to be a **_cat_**!"

Meow.

"Oh, zip it." Terumi kicked some loose papers on the kitty's direction. It still did not distract the small one from the object in Terumi's hand. The wagging tail was the most unnerving part. "Argh, fine. Take your stupid boiled egg."

Hazama-kitty leaped and caught the egg mid-air in an astonishing fashion. He landed with a flip as well, and his hat _didn't_ fall off his head, because he was just cool like that.

Sparkling from awesomeness, Hazama-kitty happily ate his boiled egg. Terumi just could not believe his eyes. "Is he cat-stupid now or is he faking it just to be as much of a jerk as humanly possible?"

"Faking it. Completely."

"I'm so gonna kill you for this, Hazama-chan…"

Meow~~


	3. The Continuing

2\. The Continuing

"What kind of stupid cat even is this, anyways?" Terumi asked, leaning over the chair the most dramatic way he knew how. "What kind of cat is fucking pink?"

Hazama-kitty was chasing after Ouroboros, whose three heads were all trying to run away in a different direction. The resulting bonking was turning some tables over. "It appears to be called a 'Skitty'."

"How _very_ creative."

"Indeed." Relius was interrupted by yet another loud shattering of his glass apparatus. "And it seems to be a very common creature in its original world, as it's classified under 'normal' conditions."

"I _so_ don't care." Terumi yanked the chain before Ouroboros head number two could dive under his chair. "So, what is it."

"What is what?"

"What's a 'skitty'. Why the hell is it pink. Why does it have this dumb look on its face."

Relius pondered for a moment. "It's merely a cat. That's just the way it is." Even he didn't look very happy with that answer. "But it appears do have an intriguing connection to the moon."

"Say what now."

"The moon's surface is apparently able to alter its physical form in a permanent manner." Relius explained, a small spark in his usual monotone. "Very interesting indeed, don't you think?"

"Who the fuck is sending cats to the moon and why are we not funding this."

Meow.

Hazama-kitty stood victorious above all, chanting to the fall of his sworn enemy, the moving chains on the snake's end. Ouroboros head number one was crying silently over the defeat, head number two yawned and head number three was gladly taking cover under a broken table.

Hating the smugness of that stupid cat with a passion, Terumi did what any person in such a situation would rationally do.

He pulled the chain from underneath the cat's stubby paws and made it fall over, flat on its face.

Then he proceeded to work the chains around the little fiend and wrap it nicely with an adorable little bow.

Meoww…

And for good measure, he also stole Hazama's hat and put it on. "It's still your body, Terumi. You should be more careful with it."

"_You_ should be careful with it. You turned it into _a stupid cat_, for fuck's sake!" Terumi lazily pulled the chains until the small ball of constricted cat rolled over closer to his foot.

The cat's narrow excuses for eyes shone at him with clear discontentment. Terumi could almost hear his vessel's complaints from that expression alone. _Almost_. "It will take me some time to properly calibrate my device based on the incorrect readings of last night. Until then, do try to be careful."

"Can't we just kill him and make a new one?" Hazama-kitty visibly shook at this suggestion. Terumi loved every second of the stupid cat's exasperated reaction.

"Unlikely. You'd have to take the blunt of the damage as well."

"Oh, for crying out loud." Terumi finally showed some mercy and kicked the cat away from the chains. The small yelp did little to ease his annoyance. "Let's just restart Takamagahara and reset all of this! That'd be way easier…"

Relius did not react at all. "You'd go so far over such a small thing?"

"Are you kidding? Of _fucking_ course!" Terumi sat straight, finally being a little serious. "I'd take a trillion more resets over having my vessel be such a stupid, dirty, annoying little sh—"

Achoo.

"Huh?" The unexpected sound caught his attention. Terumi turned to the cat.

Achoo.

"Wait. Are you…"

Achoo.

"Are you fucking kidding me." A little snot came out of Hazama-kitty's tiny excuse for a nose. "Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!"

Achoo.

"Oh, yes, I'd almost forgotten." Relius got up, going around his ruined office all the way to the single upright table in the entire place. "You'll also need this."

He swiftly tossed over a small object. Terumi did not react in time, and it hit him right in his eye. "Ouch!"

Achoo.

"Ew, don't sneeze on me, you disgusting fuck!" With one hand he pushed the cat away. The other properly got hold of the object Relius had thrown: a small flask full of tiny round pills.

"Give him one every five hours. That should keep him up to shape."

"Are you kidding me."

"Of course not. It'd be irresponsible to give wrong medicine for the sake of a tasteless joke."

"Are you _for real_."

Achoo.

Terumi stared Relius in disbelief. The masked man merely stared back. "You should try giving him one about now." He pointed, as if Terumi was too slow to understand the situation.

It was absolutely unbelievable. "**_HE'S ALLERGIC TO HIMSELF?!_**"

Achoo!

"I believe I said it before, but Hazama's body is still completely compatible with his old self. If anything, this new outwardly appearance is but a new layer."

Terumi could absolutely feel tears clinging to the corner of his eyes. "Just end me now…" He hid his face in his hands. "I can't believe I endured all those fucking continuities for _this_…"

_Achoo!_

"Okay, okay, I get it, stop sneezing on me, you little shit!" Terumi pulled the cat to his lap and hit the flask on its red swollen face.

"That is not the way to administer pills to a cat."

"Oh. Are. You. Sure. About. That." Terumi punctuated every word with another hit. It wasn't doing any lasting damage, that's for sure, but at least it was enough to quench his thirst for blood and tears.

Well, it was more snot and tears, but beggars can't be choosers. After bullying the kitty enough, Terumi finally popped the lid out and gave it a pill. The cat's pitiful attempt to swallow it dry was quite amusing. "Can I overdose him?"

"Sure." Relius shrugged. "He'll die, though."

Meow…

"Shut the hell up." Terumi covered the sticky, snot-covered cat with the hat. Hazama-kitty settled down on his lap.

There was silence.

The silence dragged on and on. It was annoying. Especially because Relius looked really unfazed by everything, as always, and that was always annoying about him.

Terumi took a long while to register the fact Hazama-kitty had fallen asleep on him. He immediately pushed the cat out of his lap when he realized it.

Meouch!

Now, _that_ was a nice sound. "As usual, you have such a… peculiar way with this."

"I'm trying to find some fun on it. It keeps me from thinking too hard about it." Terumi replied, grinning widely. The cat didn't look very amused. "By the way, Relius."

"What is it?"

"I want some pocket money."

Relius sighed, adjusting his mask. "Can't you just take it from Hazama's?"

"Nope. Used it all already, _and_ he changed his password."

Meow. Meow meow meow.

"Sigh. Let me guess, you want another guitar."

"Yep."

Relius stared at Terumi with all the seriousness he could muster. The air itself felt stiff and heavy with the mere act.

Was it enough to move that brat of a man to reconsider? Was it enough to make him understand how selfish of a request that was? Especially considering all his eight previous guitars had met with the exact same fate at the hands of the Imperator?

No, of course it wasn't. It's Yuuki Terumi we're talking about, people. Do you really think he gives a damn? Because Relius sure doesn't.

*Click*

"Gyah!" Terumi jumped from the chair, tripping over Ouroboros' chain and falling on his butt. "GODDAMNIT RELIUS!"

Relius Clover merely cracked a smile. Hazama the Skitty perfectly imitated his gesture.

* * *

_There's no special reason for it to be a Skitty, I just love the likeness and the contrast so very much._


	4. The Troublemaking

3\. The Troublemaking

"Get the fuck back here, you little—" Hazama the Skitty slid through his arms, jumping on Terumi's head and swiftly escaping his fate. "Hazama, you fuck!"

The pink cat stopped by the door and looked back with a broad smile, merely teasing him. Terumi, being a straightforward angry idiot, took the bait and promptly leaped after him. The game of chase has officially begun on the NOL branch of this unnamed Hierarchical City.

Knives flew through the corridors, along with very loud screaming. ("YOU **LITTLE****_ FUCK_**!") The glass windows cracked and crashed as the small kitty leaped on them with the full force of its stubby paws. Terumi would then promptly run all over the shards, getting some on himself and cursing loudly a little more. Any precious decoration that had the bad luck to be on the way of the two's little game would soon meet its untimely end as well. It was chaos.

Tsubaki Yayoi was on her office, aware of all that was happening and sipping her hot chocolate with not a single fuck left to give. Her door was unlocked, so when Hazama-kitty landed its non-measured jump right on the handle, it opened.

"Yes? Who is it?" She asked, not even lifting her head. "Did nobody teach you how to knock first?"

Meow.

"Huh?" The curious sound actually made her turn around. "A… cat?"

Meow~

"Where are you, you little—" The sudden slamming on the door made her jump. "Oh, hey, Tsubaki-chan. How's it going."

"Hello." Tsubaki was never sure if this man was real or a figment of her imagination with a very annoying attitude. All she knew was that she would totally suplex him if given the chance. "What may I help you with today?"

She felt something small rub against her left leg. "I was, huh, kinda looking for a cat? Not that you could've _seen_ him, of course." Tsubaki held back the urge to throw her mug at him only because she knew her aim would absolutely suck _and_ because spilled chocolate is too much of a loss for the world to bear. "But have you _heard_ the little bastard somewhere close?"

She pondered a little. Very little. "I believe it went in the next door, but of course I couldn't tell you which one."

"Neat. Thanks a lot." She heard him very clearly stomping out. "By the way, you should lock your door. It was half-open."

If it wasn't, it would be on the floor right this very instant, and she didn't care enough either way. "Thank you for the kind warning."

"Always glad to help~" And with that, he was gone. Tsubaki sighed loudly and got back to her not so hot but like Jin-hot so hot enough chocolate.

Meow.

The cat jumped on her lap and sat down. It was small and round, like a very fat kitty. "Yes? And what would _you_ want?"

The answer was quickly apparent as the animal reached over to her hand, trying to get her mug. Tsubaki placed her chocolate on the table and got hold of the small cat.

Meow.

"Now, now, chocolate isn't good for animals, I'll have you know. I'd be irresponsible of me to give that to you." She explained, petting the cat behind its ear. "Why are you wearing a hat?"

She tried to take the hat off, and that was her mistake.

Hazama-kitty immediately jumped, getting hold of the object and pulling strongly. The hat flew off Tsubaki's hand and, spinning like a Frisbee, hit the mug hard.

The mug spun, spun and… stopped on its tracks, falling safely back to the table, flat on its base, with a very pleasant "clank".

And then it cracked and exploded in a bazillion pieces. The chocolate spilled all over the place. Tsubaki's tears quickly followed.

As for Hazama, he gladly jumped on the table, getting his paws covered on the sticky stuff, and walked around the whole room marking his path with little chocolate drops all the while Tsubaki bawled her eyes out. He got under his hat again and left the room with a pleased smile.

Terumi, who in the meanwhile had crashed both adjoined rooms in his search for the little fiend, came back just in time to see the end of the destruction. "Oh, so he came here too."

Tsubaki dried her eyes. "Indeed."

"You see why you can't trust these little fucks?"

She lifted her head with the little pride she had left. "I do now."

"No, of fucking course you don't, you dumbass. You can't **see** shit!" He had the most annoying laugher Tsubaki had ever had the displeasure of hearing in her entire life. "God, how do you still _fall_ for this. Gyahahaha—Ouch!"

While Terumi was busy laughing at somebody else's misfortune, his very own came to bite him in the leg. Luckily for him, being a ghost and all, he would not bleed out like Relius. That does not mean, however, that the cat's tiny fangs were painless.

"OH YOU _DID NOT_ JUST BITE ME!"

_Meow_.

"GET BACK HERE!" The brat of a man stormed out after the playful little pink kitty. "WHEN I GET YOU FOR THAT, I SWEAR I WILL **BITE YOU BACK**!"

With shattering, screaming, cursing and much meowing, the game of chase continues on the NOL branch of this unnamed Hierarchical City. Somewhere not so far away, Lambda-11 is happily putting a flower petal in her tiny Mr. Tartar's head. It liked its new attire very much.

* * *

The Imperator woke up with the mother of all headaches. She reached to the glass of water by the bed. Drinking it up in one go, she sighed and blinked a couple times. What time was it?

Well, it didn't really matter. She was the Imperator, after all. If she so wished, right now could become the actual begin of the day and all clocks would have to be adjusted to please her sudden whim. Being basically a god impersonated had its perks.

Sadly it didn't stop that annoying ghost of a man to annoy her to no end. The Imperator hugged her Nii-Sandbag by the neck, strangling the poor plush to its very limits. "Oh, Nii-sama, if only you could be here to save Saya from that evil, _evil_ man…"

Meow.

Izanami lowered her sight to the floor and her eyes met with the most adorable little cat to have ever walked that very room. It had elongated eyes and a happy smile while it licked chocolate off its stubby paws.

Somehow, it also had a very dark aura to it as well. As if it was only counting the seconds before it could unleash all hell on earth. And _that_ was the most attractive thing about it for her. "Why, and who would you be?"

Meow.

She smiled broadly for the first time in ages. "You wouldn't happen to be the cause of all the noise I could hear from the lower floors, would you?"

Lick.

"And you even stole Hazama's hat."

Meow.

"I bet Terumi is having quite a day being made to dance under your little thumbs." Izanami lifted a single finger and touched the little thing's small nose. "How adorable."

The pink cat leaped over to her lap, wagging its tail in a very playful manner. The Imperator wasn't fooled by this display of cuteness, as she could feel the evil intentions of the small being. Still, it sparked her interest enough, so she allowed the cat to continue.

It offered her its cream-coloured belly. She took the bait and petted it, making the cat meow happily. It tried grabbing her hand with its tiny paws, and got chocolate all over it. "Now, whatever do you think you are doing? I can't possibly allow such a messy display before my very presence, I'm afraid."

Meow?

Izanami got hold of the cat and held it tightly as she finally got up from the bed. "I believe you need a bath, my dear."

Meow?!

The cat tried to struggle, but it was useless. Its hat fell to the floor, where it laid untouched for the rest of that terrible process. It was such a cruel and terrible sight that it couldn't possibly be described here, that would be absolutely terrifying and make all the kids cry out for their mommies.

Needless to say, when he finally managed to run away, scarred for life, Hazama didn't even bother putting on the hat. He merely grabbed hold of it and jumped out of the window. "Where are you going, my dear? Oh, my…" Izanami smiled to herself. "I guess he couldn't take the cold after all."

The Imperator continued with her morning routine. Just as she finished setting her golden crown over her head, there was a knock on the door. "Yes? You may enter."

Terumi opened the door with the last of his breath and merely stood there for a moment, panting. "You… Saw him… Right."

"Yuuki Terumi." She nodded as if to recognize his presence, but didn't look at him in the eye. "Why would you be in this state, and who could you possibly be talking about."

"The… _fucking cat_." He still had enough in him to intonate those words with all the hate he could muster. "He came here, right?"

"Oh, the little one." Izanami took her time enjoying his clear impatience. "Pink and round, with a very broad smile, carrying Hazama's hat around, I believe?"

"Yeah, that fuck. Where'd he go."

"Hm... Wherever could he possibly be, I wonder?"

"I will **tear this fucking place** **apart** if you take any longer to answer, ma'am, so could you _pretty please_ just tell me where he went?!"

Izanami proudly lifted her head to face the annoyance at her door. "Those are bold words to say to your Imperator, Terumi. Have you forgotten your place?"

Terumi gritted his teeth. "Aw, come on. I said 'please'. What more can you possibly want?"

"Your death, the cold end of all life on the planet, my brother in his underpants strapped to my bed and a strawberry smoothie would be fine, I suppose."

Terumi honestly considered it for a second. "I can make a smoothie from that cat if you want. Afraid it'll end up red instead of pink, though."

Izanami smirked. "As much as I would like that, I'd rather not." She still elongated the silence as much as she could just to bother Terumi. As soon as his face was red and ready to explode from impatience, she yielded. "He jumped out the window."

"Gee, thanks, about fucking time." And without missing a beat, Terumi jumped the window after the cat.

The one thing he did not account for was the fact this room was at the very last floor, and while a small cat could easily find places to hold itself, say, on a tree branch or the wall-frame on the floor right below, a grown man did not have this luxury.

And so he fell. And hit his face. And his butt. And his ribs. Basically, there was not a single inch of Terumi that did make it unscathed. And the Imperator had the pleasure of watching the whole scene.

Hazama-kitty did so as well, hidden on the very tree Terumi landed. The man lifted his head and for a second everything left his mind. He merely grinned with the expression of a predator as he faced his little fiend.

And _then_ the branch broke and both of them fell.

* * *

_Terumi shall be harmed in the making of this fic, and I wouldn't have it otherwise_


	5. Omake: Relius' Lucky Timing

Omake: Relius' Lucky Timing

The daylight shining from the broken windows was very much unwelcome after such a long stretch under the artificial ones in his lab. Relius strolled through the corridors all the way to the kitchen. The silence in the battlefield gave the destruction around him an ominous atmosphere.

Still, he merely ignored it as he made his way through. No use worrying about something so easily fixable, after all. What was it, some windows? Vases? Doors? Some poor soul's back after being stabbed by an erratic knife? Easily fixable.

There was some noise as he approached the kitchen, but nothing really seemed out of the ordinary. It was just a blender. Relius opened the door without knocking.

Terumi was holding Hazama-kitty, trying to get it into the blender. The cat's loud complaints and the man's even louder laugher were both being drowned by the sound of the electronic apparatus.

Relius took the scene in for a moment, then got down to the wall socket and unplugged the blender, causing all three of them to become deadly quiet.

The first one to turn to the door was Terumi. He looked like a deer caught under the headlights. "What are you doing, Terumi?"

"… a smoothie."

Meow!

Relius sighed. "What part of 'take care of your body' is alien to you?"

"I dunno, what part of _'you turned it into a __**fucking cat**_' don't you get?" Terumi's smile was certainly not a happy one. "It's your fucking fault I'm in this state of mind, you know."

Taking a better look, Relius couldn't help but notice how beaten up both of them were. Terumi was in a much worse shape, but Hazama the Skitty wasn't all that fine either. "I take it you're not getting along very well?"

"_Oh, you __**think**__ so?_"

Terumi was clearly ready to commit a felony. "… I'll take that as a 'yes'."

Relius walked all the way to Terumi and snatched the cat away from his arms. Hazama promptly bit his arm, but he ignored it. "You're… bleeding again, man."

"It's not that concerning of a wound." Relius replied, letting go of the cat. Hazama-kitty did _not_, however, let go of his arm. "Now, Terumi, why don't you take this opportunity and rest a little? I'll give him back to you in an hour or two."

Terumi's eyes lowered to the wound in Relius' arm and the pink cat still hanging on to it with his tiny little fangs. "You sure you'll survive, though?"

"Surely." Relius shrugged. His arm was completely dyed red again. "What could possibly go wrong?"

"You want a fucking _list_?"

"It was a rhetorical question."

* * *

"Hazama, no."

The pink animal turned its round head to Relius, a natural mischievous smile plastered on its face. It held its small front paw up.

Meow.

"Hazama, _no_."

The cat touched the empty glass with its stubby paw and stood still. Relius stared at him sternly.

"Do not."

Meow.

A slight push.

"Hazama."

The glass inched closer to the edge of the table.

"_Hazama_."

The cat put its paw down. Sitting innocently, it merely stared back at Relius. The masked man didn't relax for a single instant. He knew what would come. It was a matter of patience.

Hazama loudly sighed, clearly discontent with Relius' cold reaction, and prepared to leave. He got up, stretched a little and turned around, jumping off the table.

His tail protuberance hit the glass, sending it flying and making it crash into the opposite wall at full force. A thousand shards flew around, but only a single one hit Relius. Right in the back of the head.

This was clearly not Hazama's plan, for he looked as guilty as he was surprised. Relius slowly lifted his hand and pulled out the glass shard, staring at its bloody surface for a moment, then back at the Skitty. "I take you did not mean for this to happen."

Meow.

"I won't be very forgiving the next time, understood?"

That he was going to be forgiving at all left the cat with a shocked reaction. But, that being Relius Clover, he had better things to do than punishing a cat for misbehaving. He turned back to his work and begun clearing the glass shards all over his papers.

Hazama paced around for a while. His silence was somewhat concerning, so Relius spared it a small glance or two every few moments. It was hard to determine just what the cat planned to do next.

"Hazama, no."

The pink animal turned around with discontentment, mouth biting the very wire keeping Relius' computer on.

"You'll be electrocuted."

Muffled meow.

"And you'll turn off my computer."

Second muffled meow.

"I won't really care much for the data, I'll have you know. Nothing of great value will be lost." That sentence clearly made the cat reconsider its plan. "Terumi, however, would not leave me alone if you were to die painfully from it. So if that's what you want, please be my guest."

Hazama the Skitty soon spat out the wire and began pouting. He tried to leave the lab, but Relius had locked the door and, being a funny-looking animal with very stubby paws, the cat was unable to turn the key to open it.

Its frustration was not lost on Relius, who got back to his data. He had two projects going on in parallel. One was the usual Chronophantasma shtick, the other was the incorrect data of his apparatus that had turned Hazama into that very strange and unexpected form. Neither was giving much feedback to the issues at hand.

"Hazama, no."

The pink animal, who was clearly readying itself to strike Relius' arm in a most wild fashion, turned around and pretended nothing had happened. Relius sighed and got back to his work. He managed to look at it for a grand total of two seconds.

"Hazama, no."

The pink animal got off the bookshelf, taking one of the heaviest books along with it. It fell to the floor with a very loud thud, shaking the laboratory like a tiny earthquake. Relius ignored it and got back to work. This time he got three seconds.

"Hazama, no."

The pink animal stopped drooling all over Relius' documents while attempting to disorder them. Relius tried to get back to work. He didn't even get a single instant to look at it.

"Hazama." He sighed. The cat was chasing its own tail out of pure boredom. It got hold of it with a swift bite, but immediately yelled in pain. "Just stay put for a few moments."

Meow…

Hazama got up the table and briskly walked all the way to Relius' keyboard. He sat down right in front of the screen, facing the masked man. There was a long silence as Relius pondered just what was going on in the other's small round head.

"Are you enjoying being a cat that much?"

Achoo.

"I see." Turning around while cleaning the snot that flew in his face, Relius took a flask of pills from the drawer. "I suppose it's just natural to try to occupy oneself in a situation like this, but I think you are taking things a tad too far, Hazama."

Achoo.

"Here, open your mouth."

Relius helped the small cat swallow the pill. Hazama licked around his mouth, looking a bit irked for a moment.

Meow.

"Now will you quiet down and let me work?"

The cat's slit eyes were fixed on the masked man's for a long while. Hazama finally made his decision, taking his hat off and throwing it on Relius' lap. He then jumped inside the object, curled up and promptly fell asleep.

Relius stared at the cat in disbelief for a moment, before shrugging it off and getting back to his work.

* * *

Back in the kitchen, two men stood. One, tall and slender, with the darn coolest yellow cloak hiding most of him. The other, even taller and broader, a beautiful purple opera cape sliding from his shoulders.

"Here you go."

Terumi solemnly accepted Hazama's hat, which still held a curled up pink Skitty inside of it. His snake eyes could not believe the sight. "The hell did you do to him."

"I bored him so much he preferred to fall asleep." Relius replied, feeling slightly proud of the fact. "Try not to wake him up."

Terumi didn't answer right away, so Relius turned around to get something to eat. He heard the other man going around but payed little mind to it, instead focusing on his choices. They were few, but all very pleasant.

*Beep*

Relius turned around. The sight did not amuse him. "What are you doing?"

Terumi, again caught in the act, turned around from the microwave where he'd just put the hat with the cat inside. "Oh, come on. Just a third degree burn. Is that too much to ask?"

"If you want to burn him, try using hot metal or actual fire. The microwave will make him explode." The evil glint in Terumi's eyes did not go unnoticed. "Terumi, no."

*Beep*

"Terumi."

"_Pretty please?_"

"_No_." Relius sighed. He honestly didn't know which one of the two was worse to deal with.

*Beep*

"Ignis!"

It all happened in an instant. Terumi dodged instinctively but still got caught by one of the puppet's hands. The other smashed the microwave to smithereens.

The hat and the unharmed kitty rolled off of it. Hazama snored loudly.

* * *

In the dark of the night, on his bed in his very own room, Relius opened his eyes to a most unpleasant sight. "Terumi, no."

He could feel the smaller man shift his weight. It didn't help that the other was sitting on Relius' stomach. "He won't let me sleep!"

"Not my problem. Get out."

"It _is_ your problem, you burnt tapioca." That Terumi of all people was getting a bit creative with his name-calling was a good sight the other's sanity was slipping. "You did this. Put him back in the lab or something, or I won't leave!"

"Leaving him unattended inside the lab would bring out even more of his sadistic side." Relius snapped back at him. "You _know_ just what a long day it was today."

"Then let me sleep here!"

"Absolutely not."

"Well, fuck you too. I'm doing it anyway." Terumi replied, laying down on top of Relius. It wasn't the most pleasant of companies, nor did the masked man ever wished this upon himself. "Huh, it's kinda nice."

"That you would compliment anything in this situation just worries me to no end."

"I'm sleepy."

"I'm aware of this fact." Relius was weighing his options, and pushing Terumi away was looking more and more like the best course of action. "You're also heavy and on top of me."

"Can't have you running away on me. If that little devil comes here, I have to make sure the one he's going to pester is you, after all." Terumi's eyes could no longer hold themselves open. "Yawn. Goodnight."

Relius pondered for a moment, feeling Terumi's breathing turn deep. It was probably the only moment that brat of a man would look slightly appealing, if only because he wasn't grinning nor loudly complaining about each and every thing.

Deciding against making an enemy off the other man for now, Relius merely pushed him aside. Terumi slid down, falling to his side, where he held Relius a little tighter. The masked man sighed and closed his eyes again. He could not relax enough to get back to sleep.

Time went on and on. Relius' mind wandered over all the things he still had to get done. It was a very unpleasant situation, having to work at such an hour, all in the loneliness of his own mind. Still, that was all he had to occupy himself, so he let the minutes stretch into hours.

He'd just managed to bore himself enough to fall asleep again when somebody else came to disturb him. Relius merely glanced to his side, feeling the chubby paws pressing against his arm. "What is it, Hazama?"

Achoo.

"Do you have the flask?"

The cat was not at all difficult to make out in the dark. It went over Relius' stomach, sneezing a little, and started fumbling with Terumi's cloak. The masked man soon heard the rattle of the pills against the plastic container.

Hazama put the flask on Relius' free hand and waited. Relius popped out the lid and, with some difficulty, got a pill out. The cat took it from his fingers, swallowing it with an unpleasant sound.

Relius closed the flask and tossed it aside. "Will you let me sleep now?"

Meow.

The cat curled up by his side, completely covered by the hat, and fell asleep just as easily as Terumi had. The irony wasn't lost on Relius, who finally got some peace of mind to let his consciousness slip away.

The warmth was somewhat comfortable, he had to admit.


	6. The Interfering

4\. The Interfering

"Here, all done." Relius Clover, Engineering Colonel, with his mask miraculously still in one piece and his face full of scratches, finished fixing the last touches on Hazama and turned around to Terumi. "You two can go out now."

The captain displayed the brand new shiny badge in his black hat proudly. His broad smile did nothing to ease Terumi's troubles or the cat-bite aching in his butt. "He's still a _cat_."

Meow.

"Indeed, but now…" Relius helped himself to a long dramatic pause. "He's got a badge. So if you lose him, somebody else may return him to any nearby branch."

"It's on his _hat_."

"I couldn't place it in his fur, it just refused to stick." Relius explained, lifting a blood red glove. "And he would just not allow me to put a collar on his neck."

_Meow_.

"Goddamnit…" Terumi didn't even have the energy to complain anymore. "Fine, be it your way, let's go, you damned feline."

The proud NOL Intelligence Captain made a point to stroll very slowly, showing off his shiny new badge, all the way to the hooded man's side. He also swiftly avoided a kick headed his way. Terumi was none too happy about the fact.

"See you in a while."

"Yeah, yeah, bring me some good news when I get back." Terumi didn't even look Relius' way. "Come on, Phantom. To Ikaruga."

Meow!

As they vanished right before his eyes, Relius adjusted his mask with a deep sigh. Finally, some peace and quiet…

Hmm… Something was amiss. A quick glance around the laboratory couldn't help with his uneasiness, but as soon as Relius sat down in his big chair he realized it.

Just where the heck were Litchi and Arakune and why hadn't they been mentioned in this fic yet?

* * *

"Ouroboros the First, you are an absolute genius." Terumi praised the round green shadow snake, patting it as dearly as he could physically bring himself to do. That is to say, he was endearingly slapping its head. "Now, keep him chained here while I get stuff done, okay? I'll be back soon."

Meow meow!

The cat's complaints were lost on Terumi, who gladly left, swinging his knife as he walked away. That the ghost of a man was going to have any peace of mind, while Hazama was forced to endure that shameful existence as a pink house-pet, was the one thing the Skitty couldn't allow.

Still, the more he squirmed, the tighter Ouroboros' chain held him trapped by the neck. There had to be a workaround for this situation. Some way to use his new looks to his advantage, maybe he could trick some silly girl into freeing him, somehow…

Oh, right there! The one with the shameless short pants! She sure looked gullible enough, but… her strange gauntlet arm-strap was quite intimidating.

Still, who in their right mind would attack a poor, innocent kitty? It'd be _fine_.

Meow~

"Huh?" Bullet, who was lost in thought while wandering the streets, turned her eyes to the dark corner. "Oh, a cat."

Meow~~

He smiled quite charmingly, wagging his tail a bit. It was a shameful display, but Hazama had to make do with it for now. Bullet watched intently for a moment before averting her eyes. "No, I have to concentrate on my mission. Sorry, little one, but there's no time to play around."

Hazama sat down and watched the girl leave. At least it was worth the try. Surely it would work on his next target… was that _Makoto Nanaya happily munching on sweets_?

Oh, that little sewer rodent, so _this_ is what she's been up to. He couldn't help but bear his tiny fangs, the mere possibility of getting back at the woman making his blood boil a little. _Come on now_, just look this way. Look at the _cute little kitty_.

_Meow_~

"Oh? Kitty!" She smiled broadly, wagging her tail in a much less sophisticated manner than Hazama's. "Whatchu doing here, little buddy? You hungry?" With sparkly eyes, she offered him a piece of her crepe. The sweet smell alone made Hazama irk a little. "Why you here all alone, little buddy?"

God, Lieutenant Nanaya, could you be any _more_ annoying about it? Just get the chain off already. Hazama wasn't sure he could stand it that much longer, to be honest. "Oh, so this is _your_ cat?"

Huh? The woman from before was back. The squirrel girl turned to face her. "Oh, no, I just happened to see it and, you know." Don't you stand here blushing at your own shameful behaviour, get this _damned chain_ off already! "I mean, isn't it a cutie?"

"I-I wouldn't know that." The other averted her eyes. Hazama's patience was wearing thinner by the second. "I just thought it was strange to see a cat chained all by itself in the middle of the city, so I came back to check on it, just in case…"

Either one of them that were to get even a _millimetre_ within biting range was going to cry out loud really soon. "But… Oh, you don't think it was _abandoned_, right? You poor little thing! How can anybody be this cruel with an innocent little kitty?"

Second Lieutenant Makoto Nanaya of the Intelligence Department, who is also a traitor and a spy for Sector Seven, would you _please_ stop referring to your upper officer by such degrading terms? "Hey, calm down. We don't know if it has an owner or not." Finally, someone with common sense… "Maybe we should just…"

"_Makoto Nanaya_."

Oh no, that voice was… "Major Kisaragi!" She immediately straightened herself. Hazama sat down and sighed. This was not going as planned at all. "Why are you here?"

The blonde stared her down coldly, as he did with everyone. Nothing new about that. "Same reason as you, I'm afraid."

"To help the defenceless kitty survive against all odds and weave a beautiful life story about how even in the direst of circumstances it's still always possible to be happy as long as you keep believing in yourself and do your very best?"

"What? No, I wanted a crepe."

Meow…

Hazama was so busy with his stress headache that he didn't notice Bullet's hand before it was too late. "What's that, let me see… Whoa!"

Meow! Meow! Meoooow!

"H-Hey, calm down! What's gotten into you so suddenly!?" She retreated too far back. Hazama pulled the chains as strongly as he physically could, trying to make Ouroboros head number one budge, but alas! It was for naught.

His _hat_. His hat was gone, taken away by the damn woman. His last standing symbol of pride, so close, yet so far… "Why did you take the poor thing's hat! Look at it! It's about to cry!"

"Why was a cat wearing a human hat in the first place?"

Well, _Jin_, it's not like someone like you could possibly understand! I mean, Jubei wears a freakin' hood all the time, but does anyone ever questions that? And what's wrong about a cat with a hat? Maybe it's something important to him. Maybe still being able to wear a hat is the last thing keeping a poor sinner's soul from breaking apart under the terrible circumstances he's been forcefully pulled into…!

Okay, that was enough. As much as the hat was the closest thing Hazama had to a beloved item in his life, this drama stuff was just getting tiresome now. It wasn't like having the damn thing made any difference whatsoever. He did enjoy the chaos he could bring forth because of it, but meh.

_Meow_.

"It says here… 'If found, return to any NOL branch'." Bullet turned the hat around, looking for anything else, but there was nothing to see there. "I guess we should take it back?"

_Yes_. _Yes_, you _should_.

"Well, you can go return it then, Makoto. I'll keep an eye on it until its owner gets back."

Yes, yes, wait, what. No. No, Jin Kisaragi, you're supposed to take the _cat_, not the _hat_. "Don't you think it means to take the cat back?"

Yes, finally, for the first time today Makoto Nanaya was thinking with her little rodent brain. "Nonsense. It was written in the hat. Besides, who in the NOL would even own a cat?"

People, it's rude to stare. "But… But…!" Oh, no, why were her eyes so watery? "But maybe the owner left their hat with it so it wouldn't feel lonely! Oh, what a kind and wonderful person!"

That these words did not apply to _him_, to the person who _made_ him and to the ghost _he was made for_ was quite an accomplishment of bad judgement, Hazama had to admit. "But then… wouldn't it be troublesome for them if we take it away?"

"You girls are clearly going at it wrong. The cat probably just stole the hat."

"No! It is his owner's! We should get them both back to the NOL!"

"Actually, I really think we should think this through a little more, maybe leaving it here is the best choice…"

"Get the hat back."

"Get the cat and the hat back!"

"Just… leave it… here…"

Meow.

Could anyone just get into biting range, please? Anybody? No? The heated argument continues, and Hazama laid down on the dirty street, bored out of his mind.

At least he knew Terumi-san would eventually come back. The thought of torturing the ghost made this situation somewhat less of a bother.

Defeated by her louder and unmovable opponents, Bullet eventually gave up on the discussion and sat down by his side. She returned the hat. Hazama returned the gesture by only biting her in the hand. "Ouch." Her compassionate expression disgusted him. "Must be tough, being a cat."

Meow.

* * *

Terumi was whistling away with abandon. Without that damn cat to get on his nerves, actually accomplishing stuff was a piece of cake. He got everything done in what, one hour? Yeah, that's efficiency for ya.

But the thought of going back and having to deal with Hazama-kitty again didn't look really pleasant, now did it? Maybe Terumi should extend his stay a little longer. Maybe get into some fights? Put out his frustration by knifing someone in the neck? What about a spa, for once?

*Pounce* "Argh! What the fu—!"

"Got you meow!"

"Oh god." _No_. _Not_ **_another_** **_cat_**.

Taokaka smiled broadly. "You smell like danger, meow! What did you do with Good Guy?! Tell me meow, and I'mma beat the crap out of you!"

"You don't mean 'or'?" He had to get it out of his chest.

"Meow! Maybe! Who knows!" Taokaka's claws came out. Terumi didn't like the sight of the sharp metallic-looking things at all. "Surrender all your words and meat-buns to Tao or face the wrath of the Kaka clan! Meow!"

The knives twirled in his hands. "Well, you fucking asked for it, _cat_!" That could be just the entertainment Terumi was looking for.

* * *

Hazama sunk* on the sidewalk a little harder, if that's even possible. What a situation to be in. The two idiots abandoned him while discussing the NOL Cat's Hat Problem all the way to the crepe shop, and now the captain could do nothing but watch them feast on sweets while he was still chained to Ouroboros head number one.

Bullet had already gone on her merry way as well, leaving him all alone to mull over his shortcomings. My, what a day. There sure couldn't be any way for this to get any worse, right? Only uphill from here, that's for sure…

The sun was suddenly blocked by a tall presence of White Void, Cold Steel and Just Sword. Hazama's small cat body shivered and tensed up as the mask slowly turned in his direction, every eye in the white armour twisting itself to stare at him. The pressure was immense.

The captain showed no shame as he shrunk under his hat. "_Oh?_"

How _wonderful_. Now _that_ was an opponent he couldn't possibly beat with a couple of mellow meows and some well-aimed bites and scratches. What _now_?

The white armoured man stood there for a while, as if pondering over the situation before him. Why did he even care, anyways? It's just a cat. Just a mere cat, nothing to see here. Go on. Continue on your quest for justice or whatever. "I see. The _snake's_."

_What?! How did he…?_

Uh-oh. Hazama's thought process went faster and antsier as he heard the man unsheathe his sword. The captain readied himself as best as he could, even though it was an unwinnable battle. Chained as is, he couldn't even attempt to attack. The blade came down in a swift movement…!

Ouroboros head number one's tail chain broke apart, and the green snake in question vanished in the shadows with a small clicking sound. The katana, Ookami, was again sheathed. Hazama didn't fully understand the situation, but he immediately used this chance to attempt his getaway.

To his utmost humiliation, the stubby kitty paws were far too shaky and he tripped, falling on his face. His hat fell to the ground, clearly deciding against staying on the captain's head today. Hazama tried to get up, but two hands on his belly stopped him in his tracks.

Meow?!

He was lifted off the ground. One huge hand went over Hazama's head. He closed his eyes, awaiting the worst, but all the other did was stand still for a while. Eventually, as Hazama started questioning what was going on, the fingers started moving slowly.

Wait, was that…? No, it couldn't be… "Do not fret, little pink one." Hakumen's voice came deep and echoed from the inside of the Unit. "You are now free from the chains that bind you."

You've got to be kidding… Hazama stood very still as Hakumen manhandled him.

He got petted in the head.

A couple scratches behind the ears.

Turned on his back, his stubby paws were squeezed for a while.

His cream-coloured belly was poked a little, tickling him.

His tail was felt and the little tips on it were pinched.

Finally, one single nose boop.

"You are quite the odd little one." Hakumen commented after the long silence, holding the cat in his lap. Hazama _really_ wanted to bite him, but there was clearly not a single soft place in sight. Even the fingers underneath the black suit were just as hard as the white metal armour. "Nothing more than an ordinary feline, nonetheless."

_Meow_.

"_Oh?_ So you wish to challenge me on that? I'm afraid it'd be a lost battle for you to fight, pink one." Hazama was fully aware of that, but that didn't make this situation even a bit less humiliating. "Still, I commend your fearlessness. You may leave."

Hakumen slowly lowered the cat to the ground. As he felt solid ground under his feet again, Hazama was quick to grab his hat and run. He didn't even care about where he was going. He just wanted never to think about this again.

* * *

Well, that was a… _situation_ he'd gotten himself into. Who would've thought spending the day before running after a devilish kitty-cat with a stupid face would have left Terumi so pent up he _actually_ dove head-on on basically all of Taokaka's attacks?

And now the cat-girl had clawed him beyond belief.

And she was sitting on his chest. "Meow! Tao wins again!" Her claws were huge, and she pointed them right to his face, readying herself for yet another beating of his jumpy ass. "Meow surrender all your food to Tao, Hooded Person!"

"I don't think that's what you were fighting for to begin with…" Terumi managed to pant out somehow.

"Meow?" The cat-girl's huge toothy smile disappeared for a moment as she mulled over the comment. "But Tao was sure Hooded Person had something important to give her…?"

"Information maybe?"

"Info~matio~hmn?" The red eyes of Kaka doom stared deeply into him. "Is it tasty? Would you let Tao have some?" Her tail wagged with the prospect.

"Heh." Comparing that to Hazama's recent behaviour, Terumi couldn't help but smirk. "You actually _are_ cat-stupid."

"Meow?" Taokaka's smile widened. "Tao doesn't understand, but it feels like a compliment! Thank you, Hooded Person!"

The honest gratefulness disgusted him. "Don't ever do that again."

"Meow? Hooded Person sure is a funny fellow!" For some reason, she retracted her claws. Terumi didn't have much left in him to try something at this point, so he just stayed right where he was, all scratched and bitten and panting. "Do you want some meat-buns?"

"Huh?"

"Meat-buns, meow." Tao repeated herself. Terumi couldn't believe his ears. "Let's go find Good Guy and have him give us lots of meat-buns! Or maybe even that Black Guy! His friend makes some really yummy food, meow! We all ate lots yesterday! Hooded Person is very skinny, so you should eat lots and lots too! You'll grow stronger like Tao or even Scruffy Guy!"

"… what."

"Meow? Hooded Person sure seems slow to understand Tao, meow… But it's fine." She kindly patted his head in a reassuring manner. "Food, meow. Let's go get some food together."

"Are you asking me on a fucking _date_?!"

"Meow. Maybe?" Tao's smile didn't fade even one bit. "What's a 'date'?"

Maybe Terumi did prefer that little devil of a kitty over the Kaka girl after all.

* * *

_*Hello, ProxyEdgy here._

_So, I made a mistake._

_I wrote "sunk", as in the past participle of "sink" when I meant to write the past _tense_ of "sulk", "sulked". The words got mixed in my head and I accidentally murdered a foreign grammar. Oops._

_Now, I could just silently replace it and pretend that never happened, but, I mean, what's the fun in that? Let's revel on that stupid mistake instead. After all, it's not a bug, it's a feature!_

_And with that, welcome to…_

Extra: The Bad Ending

The lights turn on. The red curtain rises, revealing the chibi lab for chibi characters. Kokonoe is there, under the spotlight.

"Greetings, lost children. I am Professor Kokonoe, genius lead scientist of the Sector Seven laboratory." She says with a smile. "…Well, okay, this isn't the actual lab. This is just our special room here in the Boundary. Simply put, it's a mysterious room where you can do anything you want. A paradise for all the sad, lost children who couldn't make it to the true ending. An Avalon of... Wait."

Chibi Kokonoe stopped her explanation and blinked a few times. A lightbulb soon appeared over her head. "Wait, what? Why are we back in this shtick? Isn't this set in Chronophantasma? Even if the timeline is all wonky, my role in this game is already big enough that I don't have to do these side gigs anymore!" Kokonoe grabs a handful of papers. "Memo, memo… oh, okay, I get it now. Very well, then." She clears her throat. "Lost child of the day, you may…"

"Gyaaah!" The loud screaming came as the unknown object crashed from the ceiling. "Ouch, what was that…?"

"Huh. So our lost child is a hat?"

"What? No. It's me, Hazama." Replied the chibi black hat with the fluffy tail coming out of it. Its animation had a whopping total of two frames. "Wait, do I finally get talking roles?"

"It seems so." Kokonoe analysed the hat with little curiosity. "But don't get your hopes up. This is just a side thing. An extra."

"Anything but meowing is fine in my book. You have no idea how unbearable life has been." The hat sighed loudly.

"Sure sounds tough, being turned into a hat."

"I'm not a hat."

"Okay, then why are you hiding under it?"

"You would too, if you were being forced into this kind of situation! It's humiliating! An absolute outrage!" Cried the hat. "Honestly, all my fans should be crying out in protest right now!"

"Jeez, stop the drama. It can't possibly be that bad." Chibi Kokonoe went all the way to the hat and took it off. "See, nothing to…"

The camera zooms in as the fluff ball slowly lifts its round head. The beauty of the cream yellowish fur in the shape of a crescent moon complements the cute shade of rose from the rest of its body. Its charming points, the adorable stubby paws, could but barely lift the round body up the ground.

"Gasp." As the camera gazed into it longer, mesmerised by the cute charm, flowers began blooming on the edges of the screen.

"You see now?" The cat furrowed its almost invisible burrows, making a bothered face that no person in the world would possibly resist petting. "An utter disgrace to my image. _I_, the villain, turned into a filthy—"

"STOP!" Kokonoe stomped the hat back over the cat, averting the chaos such adorableness could bring to the world. The camera returned to its original focus. "Okay, that's enough! You're not getting out from under this thing ever again!"

"Ouch! Geez, why the rough treatment? You're the one that took it off in the first place…"

"Whatever. Let's get this going." Chibi Kokonoe didn't even try to hide her anger. "I got better things to be doing than this."

"So do I, lady." Hazama sighed from under the hat. "How did we get in this situation in the first place? I'm really relieved to have my first spoken role ever since the prologue, but this is clearly not going well for me."

"_Not like you don't deserve it_." Kokonoe muttered from under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

The hat, despite the lack of eyes, clearly stared judgingly at her. "So, how did I get in here?"

"You sank."

"Excuse me?"

"It's exactly what I said. You sank." Kokonoe brought out her notes. "It says here you sank so hard on the sidewalk that reality itself warped around you."

"What?! I wasn't _sinking_ in the sidewalk, I was _sulking_!"

"You sank **so very hard** on that sidewalk that you reached the Boundary. And as you sank on, deeper and deeper, perhaps you were even the first one to make contact with the Amaterasu Unit."

"What!?"

"Some say you keep sinking to this day."

"What the hell was that pavement made of?!"

"Chocolate parfait, that delicious one you only get to have once a week because your doctor told you to go easy on sweets since you have high blood pressure, and which undoubtedly _will_ be ruined because of some life-altering event that will lead to your lonely ass making friends and your overall growth as a person."

"That is oddly specific and also _a total lie_."

"Well, don't blame me. It's all on the text." Kokonoe waved her notes at the hat. Despite the lack of arms, it grabbed them. "One thing is for sure, though."

"What?" Hazama asked while going through the words, looking for that one crucial moment in time where his life took that unexpected turn. Or maybe "fall" was a more appropriate term. "Goodness, is this really what it says? How the hell would I possibly 'sunk' on the sidewalk? That doesn't even make grammatical sense! Does the writer know how participles work at all? You're supposed to have a verb accompanying it!"

"Yeah, but you know what?"

"What? What is it?"

"A contemporary study of many sources funded and bribed by me declared that you have _sunk_ real low this time, Hazama."

"See, that's how you use the damn word." The hat's idle animation stopped. "Wait, what did I do now?"

"To try and copy my design to get lovey-dovey points with your fans is unforgivable!"

"What?! Who the hell would copy _you_, old hag?!"

"Don't you go pretending otherwise, you vile creature!" Kokonoe pointed threateningly to the hat. "To steal my cute looks and colour palette and add to it your deceitfulness, you have become the perfect blend of naughty _and_ cute, the ultimate façade to hide your horrible intentions behind! How dare you misuse a cat's beauty like that!"

"Professor, your beauty stride has been hit, like, fifty years ago."

"How dare you! Try saying that to my fans! They've been finally graced with my presence as a playable character this instalment!"

"I'd try if I could hear them over my own lovely fanbase."

"Oh, you little—!" From chibi Kokonoe's head came puffs of angry smoke. "That's it! I'll get you for that!"

"Uh-oh. Time to get going."

The lights go out and the curtain slowly falls, covering the cat and hat chase that is sure to leave the room without a single item intact.

From beyond the darkness comes a voice of questioning. "Wait a second! You didn't tell me how _not_ to get the bad ending!"

"That's freakin' obvious, you dunce! Don't go sinking on sidewalks anymore!"

"But I was _sulking_!"


	7. The Lunching

5\. The Lunching

Happy humming echoed through the corridors. Their origin was the kitchen, currently occupied by a blonde young woman. She smiled to herself, feeling confident as she poured unmeasured quantities of several ingredients on the various pots and pans.

"Now this is a masterpiece, I can feel it!" Noel Vermilion declared, holding the ladle as if it was a microphone and reviewing her own unfinished meal. "Oh, yes, the perfect mix of all the spices really will bring forth the taste. And is that a mousse in the making? Yes, it is! The sweetness of the chocolate turning into fluffy deliciousness will sure blast you away!"

(She had no idea how truthful that statement was.)

Cooking was so much fun! She couldn't wait for everyone to get back and taste it. Sure, it wouldn't be as amazing as Hibiki-san's dinner, but they would enjoy it just as much, right?

"And now, a poem from yours truly!" Noel readied herself, dropping a little more of the spice into the saucepan. The orange dust sparkled under the sunlight, another small light of hope mercilessly swallowed by the concoction of doom that bubbled malevolently inside the pan. "As the roses bloom in full red, all I see is…"

Meow.

"A cat? Oh, wait, it rhymed." Noel leaned by the window. A pink cat wearing a black hat wagged its tail to her. "Hello."

Meow.

Its smile was wide and playful, showing off two adorable tiny fangs. "Oh, what is that? Would you like to get in and make lunch with me, little one?"

Meow~

"Hehe. Okay then." She opened the window and let the cat in. Never mind that this was a kitchen and the cat came from outside, and was probably dirty in more ways than one could count. Honestly, considering her previous accomplishments with cooking, this might as well be an improvement. "Oh, you sure are a curious little thing. Get off there, you'll burn yourself."

She pushed the cat away from the pan, much to its distress. It tried again to approach the food, but Noel once again pushed it away. After a couple fruitless tries, the pink feline sat down on the counter by the sink and pouted.

Meow.

"Oh, don't be like that. It's not even done yet." She tried to pet it, but the cat rejected her advances by hiding under the hat. "Haha, you're a funny one." Noel resorted to poking the tail it had left uncovered. The cat immediately stirred up and complained.

Meow meow!

"Okay, okay, I won't bother you anymore." Smiling, she went back to the food. That time off on the low heat had made the mysterious matter inside the pans darker and more ominous. "Yes, I think the mousse's ready to go to the freezer."

The cat got up. Its slit eyes stared straight into Noel and the pan on her hand, tail completely still in an upward position. She recognized the stance from all the times she saw Taokaka pounce on Ragna (or anyone who had food, for that matter), so Noel skilfully dodged the pink feline's attack. "It's too hot, it'll burn your—"

The cat kept going and crashed into the cupboard, sending kitchen utensils flying all over the place. As if driven by the instinct of self-preservation, not a single one of these items came to hit the pans. "…tongue."

Meow…

From under a large pot, the cat meowed sadly in defeat. Noel Vermilion could not turn a blind eye to the poor distressed thing, so she got it out from under the pot. "All right, all right, I'll give you food, so just stay put for a moment, okay?"

She got it up in the counter again, put the hat back in its head and gave it a small portion of the unknown matter she was cooking. The cat eagerly started eating while Noel fixed the mess.

She couldn't help but look back at it from time to time and smile to herself. "So cute."

* * *

Okay, if only the cat-girl would let go of him, Terumi could call for Phantom to get him out of there. _If only_ she'd let go of him. "Come on, Hooded Person! Our meal is awaiting, meow!"

"Could you unhand me already, you damn cat? I can walk on my own, damnit!"

"Of course not, meow! After playing so much, it's the least Tao can do!" She replied with a smile, dragging him along by both arms. "We can't have Hooded Person getting lost before getting back home, meow!"

Of course, just his luck. Why did she have to be so kind and helpful and _fucking stupid_… Wait a second, he recognized that street.

Yes, despite every scenery in this game having only a single backdrop for each place, he could recognize it as the street he left Hazama-kitty in. It should be right around this corner… "Wait. _Wait_. I said _wait_, you damn cat!" Terumi mustered all the strength he still had to stop Taokaka in her tracks. "Where the fuck did he go?!"

As Terumi stood there staring at the empty sidewalk, a shadow emerged from the dark corner. It took the shape of a very guilty-looking Ouroboros head number one.

*Click*

"What the hell do you mean, he got away? Didn't you say you'd keep an eye and a tail on him at all times?!"

*Click*

The shadow snake lifted its tail to show off the broken chain. Despite regenerating, it still had the marks of the merciless attack. "Wait a second, Hazama couldn't possibly have…"

"_Snake_. So we meet _again_."

Just hearing the echoing voice from inside the Susano'o Unit was enough to make Terumi sigh loudly as he turned to his opponent. "And what the fuck do _you_ want?"

"No longer will your existence torment this world, Yuuki Terumi. I shall be your end, and this place shall be your grave." Hakumen declared, pointing the katana at him. "I am the White Void. I am the Cold Steel. I am the Just—"

"Yeah, yeah, everybody knows that, cut the bullshit already." Terumi pointed his knife at him. "Do _you_ have anything to do with _this_?"

"Indeed, I have broken your chains." Hakumen's voice couldn't sound smugger if he tried. "Still, to think you would resort to such pettiness as to trap an innocent animal in them… You really are the worst of the scum."

"An. _Innocent_. **_Animal_**. **_YOU SAY?!_**" Screw his wounds, his pride would carry him through the damn fight if he had to. "Are you _fucking **out of your mind, Hakumen-chan?!**_"

"I believe it is you who has lost your grip on reality, Terumi, if a common cat warrants such a strong reaction from you."

"That fucker is _Hazama_, you dipshit!"

"Excuse me?"

"The _cat_. _Is_. **_Hazama_**."

"_Oh?_ So you mean to say your vessel has gotten himself a house-pet, despite your objections?" Hakumen clearly wasn't understanding the situation. "And so you trapped it there to get rid of it. That's low, Terumi."

"I'm not saying Hazama got a cat, you fucking dumbass. Why the fuck would he get a cat, he's fucking allergic and he hates the fucking things even more than I do, for fuck's sake."

"Then you took in an animal with the sole purpose of torturing it, is that what you mean?" Hakumen readied himself for a fight. "Because if so, then I won't forgive you."

"Like I give a shit about forgiveness!" Taokaka was just watching the scene with not a single clue about what was happening, and she smiled through every second of it. "You're clearly not getting the damn picture, Hakumen-chan. Did that cat look even remotely tortured to you?!"

Hakumen lowered his sword a little bit. "Indeed, it didn't."

"Because it's _Hazama_. Why would I leave my vessel in a bad state in the middle of the city for anyone to beat it up even more?"

If Hakumen had visible eyebrows, he would surely be frowning. "Why would you want to use that cat as your vessel?"

"What? No! I'm not saying I want to use it, I'm saying it is—!"

"Are you perhaps envious of Kokonoe's appearance? Is that the body you actually wish upon yourself, Terumi? Because if so, I'm afraid to admit you are currently very far from it."

"That's not—! **No!** Who the fuck would—!"

"Still, for you to admit it so boldly, I must say I'm impressed. Despite my preconceptions, I wish you the best of luck in your pursue for a new life."

"Are you doing this on purpose?!"

"Indeed, I am not jesting. We were comrades at one point, and while it's true you were being controlled by Nine's powers then, I still respected your power and abilities. If that's the life you wish to lead, it is my duty to—"

"SHUT UP!" Terumi shouted, every ounce of energy leaving his ghostly body. "Just… Just fight me already. _Please_."

"Well, if you insist…"

"Meow!" Taokaka, finally understanding something in that whole situation, leaped to action. "Let's go, Hooded Person! Run awaaaaay, meow!"

"Whoaaaa!" Pulled by the neck, Terumi could do nothing as he was dragged away by the cat-girl. "Let go of me, _you damn caaaat!_"

Hakumen watched as the two fled the scene, being followed by a very confused shadow snake. As the street became empty, he sheathed Ookami once again. "And away he goes." Hakumen declared to the midday sun. "Setting off to his new life."

* * *

Relius opened the door to his lab and was greeted by the sight of the previous day's mess and a brand new tea table set. "Oh, Colonel Clover, it's nice to see you again." Litchi Faye-Ling acknowledged his presence with the usual office tone. "Would you like to join us and have some coffee?"

Despite her offer, she was clearly having tea. "Where have you been?"

"I took a break yesterday, sir. I left a note on your desk, but I suppose you never looked at it." She shrugged, taking another sip of her tea.

"I was busy." Relius replied, sitting in the only free chair. "Why did you take Arakune with you?"

"Because it was my day off with him?"

"I don't remember allowing such arrangements."

"That's what 'shared custody' means, Colonel Clover." Litchi replied sternly. "Besides, Roy clearly prefers spending his time with me, isn't that right, dear?"

"S…re. Wha…ever." Arakune was busy keeping his gooey shape away from dripping all over the table. "Mor… co…fee?"

"Yes, please." Relius accepted the cup of perfectly poured coffee from the squiggly. He took a sip and was pleasantly surprised. "Oh? I believe I start to understand why Kokonoe kept you around."

"Eeeehehehehehe! My coff… is…est!"

"Yes it is, dear." Litchi smiled warmly to the proud mass of goo.

"Don't praise him too much. He'll start to get full of himself."

"Oh, zip it. You barely praise anyone, Colonel." She replied, crossing her arms. "People need encouragement to keep going sometimes, you know."

"Their own pursue in life should be their only encouragement. Depending on others for moral support would halt their personal growth."

"Gyahaha! The…e ar… pre…ty g…od too!" Oblivious to the two's moral argument, Arakune was gladly absorbing the snacks.

* * *

"For fuck's sake, can you _fucking let go?!_" Terumi squirmed, but Taokaka's grasp was far too strong for his current state of body and mind to defeat. "I need to find that damn cat before he gets me into more trouble!"

"No! Now is food time, meow!" Tao pushed him into the kitchen and immediately locked the door behind them. "Hello~ We're back and hungry, meow!"

"Oh, Taokaka-san, you're back—" Noel Vermilion stopped in her tracks as she was turning to the door. Her smile disappeared immediately. "Yuuki Terumi!" She pointed her ladle at him threateningly. "What are you doing here?!"

"What, it's the doll. You cooking today?" A smirk came across his face. "Gonna blow up the entire place with your disgusting food, now? Who even let you in here?"

"I let myself in! And I'm not blowing up anything! I'm making food for my friends!"

"Yeah, to _kill_ them. And a slow and painful death too. That's really evil of you." Taking a better look at her, Terumi noticed something nice. "I see you've gotten your powers back as well, doll. Neat. Had to check it anyways, so I guess coming here wasn't a complete waste of time."

She waved the ladle in his direction. "Yes, I have. It's my power, and I will use it for the sake of my friends!"

"Sure, whatever you say." Free from Taokaka's grasp, Terumi walked to Noel and stole the ladle from her hands. "It's going to be nice seeing you despair when you realize that power's not for savin' anyone, but until then, let me get a taste."

"Meow! Get some for Tao as well!"

"Wait, no! That's for Ragna and Makoto and…!"

"Nope, it's all mine. Believe me, doll, I'll be doing them a favour." Terumi grabbed the handle of the nearest pan. "Holy fuck this thing's heavy. What the hell did you put here, lead?" He opened the lid.

Meow.

"**The** **_fuck?!_**" Terumi stared in disbelief at the very full and content pink cat inside the clean pan. There was not a single vestige of the food left behind on the metal walls. "What are **you** doing here?"

Meow~

The cat's satisfied smile was as smug as ever. Terumi stared at it, and its slit eyes stared right back at him. "I call for a ceasefire."

Meow.

"Just for one hour."

Meow.

"Lunch and dessert."

Meow.

"Are we in agreement?"

Hazama-kitty lifted his pink head and solemnly nodded. Terumi nodded as well and put the pan back in the counter. He closed the lid and stood very still for a moment. He took a deep breath.

Nothing happened. Terumi exhaled, dropping his shoulders and sighing. Then he went to the other pan and found the actual food. "Holy hell, this looks disgusting." He said while helping himself to a big portion of it. "Look at the mosaics on this thing, I can barely see the plate."

"Don't like it, don't eat it! I didn't make it for you anyway!"

"Well, I call dibs, so it's all mine now." His first bite on the squirming force that was an affront to life itself brought a shiver down his spine. "Man, I love this crap. This is way better than the Imperator's sad attempt for a dinner."

"You… really think it's good?"

"Good? This is amazing." Terumi cleared his plate while still standing. "Izanami's lasagne could barely bring five thousand people to their doom by food poisoning. This crap can totally kill half the entire world's population. It's stronger than the Black Beast, I'd say."

"Can Tao have some too?"

"Sure. Here you go." He handed her a plateful of the mysterious matter. "Dig in. Let's see how much you can take before collapsing and dying a painful death."

"On second thought, I guess I'll pass, meow."

"Good. More for me."

"It's not yours!" Noel complained, but nobody cared. From inside the pan echoed a happy satisfied meow.


	8. The Bothering

6\. The Bothering

"Gah! It's not here!" Kokonoe was frantically searching for something, and obliviously destroying the room while at it. "Where the hell is it?! Come on, come _on_…!"

"So…" Kagura was sitting in a chair on the single safe corner, watching his room being broken apart. "Are you going to tell me what's going on or…?" A wrench went by his head, missing him by very little. "Thought so."

"I'm looking for the lamp!" Kokonoe yelled, going down the secret stairs just to come right back up again.

"The… lamp." Kagura sighed, still wondering why the hell did she build her new lab entrance on _his_ bedroom, of all places. "What would you even need a lamp for?"

"It's not a lamp, it's _the_ lamp!" She retorted angrily. "The only lightbulb I kept safely stored away! The one I need for _this_ to fully work!"

What she pointed at seemed to be, at first glance, some sort of decorative grey luminaire with about a hundred distinct lightbulbs, all in some shade of green, and one huge power plug connected to a thick wire at the top.

It was, in actuality, a battle robot that went by the name of Minerva.

Kagura yawned, still somewhat sleepy. "What."

His lack of urgency annoyed her so much Kokonoe actually aimed her next throw. She hit her target. "Do you remember what _these_ are, Kagura?"

"Lightbulbs. Ouchie…" He replied, rubbing his forehead.

"Lightbulbs that hold _what_ inside them?"

"It was…" Damn, he didn't think there'd be a test later. Why did he always leave all the annotations to Hibiki…? "Some really neat power we could use against our enemies and win."

"It's Celica A. Mercury's soul, damnit!" Kokonoe almost threw one of her lollipops at him in her anger, but decided against such waste. "It was the only way of keeping it stable, but I had to break it in pieces, remember!?"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember." He didn't, really. But at least she explained enough. "So we have a piece of her missing, is that it?"

"Yes! The most important one! The one thing that _defines_ Celica!"

"Which is like, what?" Kagura's imagination began wandering into pleasant places. "Her good looks? Her cute voice? Her sweet personality? Her feelings of love and care for all that is good in the world?"

"What? No. That's the _boring_ part of her characterization. I'm talking about the _important_ thing here." Kokonoe said while eating her candy.

"Oh, I see. You mean her unfazed determination. Her selflessness. Her serene presence. Her kind heart. Her undying love for her family…"

"No, I mean Celica's complete lack of sense of direction."

"I was going to get to that part." Kagura replied. "Eventually."

"Sure you were."

A knock on the door interrupted the two. "Lord Kagura, I have an urgent report." Hibiki let himself in. He merely glanced over the half taken apart room and sighed, turning to Kagura. "I just found and captured an intruder."

* * *

"Guess who's _back_?" Terumi was loud as always as he teleported in the lab, carrying a saucepan with a huge grin in his face. His smile disappeared almost immediately. "The hell are you doing."

"Right now…" Relius made a long pause as he placed a single tile on the table. "I'm currently losing at Mahjong."

"Oh, you don't need to sound so distressed, Colonel." Litchi Faye Ling drew a tile from a pile. "You can't _always_ win." She showed her hand. "Mahjong."

The others at the table sighed loudly as the pieces were folded again. "As the person who won the last fifteen games in a row, I think you have no right to say that, darling." The players began stacking their tiles. "All right, I'll win this time!"

"…And what the hell are _you_ doing here, Observer?"

"Huh?" Amane Nishiki finished his turn, looked up at Terumi and smiled charmingly. "Why, we all need some down time, darling. What's the harm in a little game every now and then?"

"Nu agrees." The white-haired girl said as she placed her tile.

"Nobody asked you, Thirteen." Terumi left the pan on a table and went to Relius' side. He sat by the arm of the other's chair. "What's the fun in a game with no carnage and blood-spilling, anyways? You guys are _morons_." He stole one of the pieces and began playing with it.

Relius not so subtly began pushing Terumi off the arm of his chair. "So, Terumi, any news?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, everything's _fine_." Terumi shifted his weight to dodge Relius' elbow. "I got everything done _and_ brought leftovers. I'm gonna put these in a pie later and throw it on Izanami's face. Make her taste the _real_ despair."

Relius resorted to push Terumi away with his hand. The brat of a man turned around and rested his leg over the two arms of the chair, effectively trapping Relius and succeeding in being a complete annoyance. "And where's Hazama?"

"Ah... Hum. _Huh_." Terumi clicked his tongue. "Shit."

"So you left him behind." For the first time since the other arrived, Relius lifted his head to stare at him. "Why am I not surprised."

"I forgot him inside the pan, okay?" Terumi shrugged and slid down to Relius' lap. He stole half the tiles and began building a small castle. "The food was too evil, I forgot about the little fiend."

"Evil?"

"It was the doll's cooking."

"Oh, I see." Relius nonchalantly grabbed the bottom piece from the castle to place it on the table. The whole structure collapsed, and Terumi was none too happy about the fact. "So you left him with the Mutsuki man."

"Yeah, basically." Terumi tried to rebuild his tiny lair once again, but Relius slapped his hand away.

"I guess there's nothing we can do, then."

"Huh?" Terumi was so surprised to hear that he almost let Relius push him out of his lap.

"He had a good run while it lasted. What a durable, persistent existence."

"Are you serious? We're going to abandon him?" Terumi asked in a monotone almost equal to Relius' usual one. "For real, man?"

The masked man turned to him again. "Well, it's not like he's at any risk. Even if his allergies kick in, someone will help him. He's a cat now, after all."

"Huh." Terumi wrapped one arm around Relius' neck to keep the other man from pushing him away again and began searching for a more comfortable position. "_Huh_." Giving up on the attempts to push his bothersome partner in crime away, Relius just sighed and let it happen. "**_Huh_**."

"What is it, Terumi? Are you constipated?"

"Nope." He finally settled down on a very awkward position over the other man and smiled broadly. "But holy fuck, this is _the best idea **ever**_! I didn't even _mean_ for this to happen! HELL YEAH I'M FREE, BABY! FREE FROM THAT _DAMNED CAT_!"

Terumi's sudden stretching hit the table and dropped all of Relius' tiles on the floor. The ghost's smile faltered for a moment as the masked man stared deeply at him.

Relius took a deep breath. A very long and deep breath. "I honestly hope someone scalds Hazama for misbehaving, just so _you_ can feel the pain as well."

Terumi smiled smugly. "Aw, geez. I love you too."

* * *

"So I brought him here." Hibiki lifted his hands to show the black headwear and the pink feline sitting inside of it. "It appears to have broken in from the kitchen. It was asleep inside one of our pans, and Miss Noel was in tears. Taokaka was trying to console her, to no avail."

"What?!" Kagura, with his arms crossed, stared sternly at the cat. "Did this fiend hurt Noel-chan?!"

"I believe it was only emotional damage, sir."

"The **_worst_** kind of damage." The Black Knight narrowed his eyes as he levelled his face with the cat's. "What do you have to say for yourself, you vile creature?"

The pink feline lifted his head and stared right back at Kagura through its slit eyes. There was visible tension between the two, and sparkles flew from where their gazes met. "Huh, Lord Kagura…?"

"What a wicked presence…" The Black Knight mumbled to himself, loudly enough to be heard. "Such villainous aura… Even now, it's impossible to presume what it's thinking…" He leaned over closer. "What a devious little…"

Achoo.

Kagura lifted his head very slowly, taking in what had just happened. "Oh, yes, it also appears to be constipated. It has been sneezing nonstop for a while now." Hibiki added, in his usual professional tone. "That's how I found it inside the pan, to tell you the truth."

Achoo.

Despite the snot hanging from its tiny little black olive of a nose, the kitty seemed very pleased with himself. Kagura cleaned his face with a handkerchief. "Hibiki."

"Yes, Lord Kagura?"

"Lock this thing up _right now_."

"I'm terribly sorry, but we currently don't have any cages suited for small animals." Hibiki Kohaku replied, resting the hat with the cat over the table. "I brought it here because I thought you could look after it for a while."

"What?! Why _me_?!"

Hibiki didn't look even a bit surprised by the other's reaction. "Well, I just figured, since you're skipping your duties anyways…"

"O-Oh my. Would you look at the time. There's so much _work_ to be done." Kagura immediately jumped to the door. "I clearly cannot stay here any longer. Sorry Kokonoe, I'll have you fill in for me at that, okay?"

Kokonoe, who was currently sitting on the floor a few seconds away from bashing her head against Minerva's cold steel arm in frustration, turned around and furrowed her eyebrows. "Are you really running away from a mere cat, Kagura?"

"O-Of course not. Who do you think I am?" Kagura was already closing the door behind him. "Hibiki, don't forget to close the windows real tight so it won't get away, 'kay? I'll be going now…"

"Is he seriously running away."

"I believe so." Hibiki sighed. "Well, it's not like I didn't expect for him to be unable to deal with the responsibility of watching over a single life…"

"Geez, how's a guy like that climbing into power? That's looking real bad for the country, I'll tell you that much." With no better option in mind, Kokonoe resorted to pity eating.

Achoo.

"You guys, I'm still here!" Kagura stuck his head back into the room just to complain. "Way to speak ill of me behind my back! What untrustworthy comrades! How is a man supposed to start a revolution like that?!"

"If you don't like it, then get back here and answer to your duties, Lord Kagura."

"I don't _wanna_ take care of a _stinkin' cat_." Our very heroic Black Knight whined.

"Why not." Kokonoe asked while munching on a bag of chips. "It's not like it's hard. I mean, look at it. It's pretty harmless. Couldn't hurt you if it tried."

As everyone turned to look at it, the pink feline got up and slowly pranced in a circle, finding a comfier place to lay down. It curled up, but kept its head lifted, smiling broadly as it watched the scene unfold before its eyes.

Achoo.

"Just _look_ at its face!" Kagura pointed at the cat, which yawned. "It's clearly plotting something. Don't you guys see it?!"

"Lord Kagura, I believe you're overreacting."

"Its face is swollen up. It could be some kind of allergy or something." The genius professor from Sector Seven suggested while stuffing her mouth with junk food.

"That would indeed explain the sneezing." Hibiki nodded thoughtfully. "Well then, I guess I'll go find medicine for it."

"I'll tag along, Hibiki!" Kagura quickly followed as the other went out the door. Kokonoe could still hear the discussion continue in the corridor.

"Honestly, Lord Kagura, just attend to your duties for once in your life. It's not that hard."

"But I don't _wanna_."

"It's just a cat."

"No it's not! I can feel it in its… its _smug_ _aura_."

"Its 'smug aura'."

"_Exactly_."

"Why do I even try to make sense of what you say."

Achoo.

Kokonoe turned around to the cat that was still quietly sitting atop the table. It was doing its very best to keep the snot from dripping all over the hat, so she decided to help it by wiping its nose. Or at least that's the excuse she gave herself for getting up again.

The kitty, despite allowing it, did not look thankful in the slightest for the gesture. It tried to bite her, but Kokonoe karate chopped its forehead before the cat could completely open its mouth. "Hm. Seems like you're a naughty one." The pink feline was dizzy for a moment. "Maybe it's because you're sick?"

The cat tried to meow angrily but sneezed all over her instead.

**_Achoo_**.

"Hm…" Kokonoe cleaned her arm and pulled a couple Silvervine lollipops from her sleeve. "Here. You can take this one. It'll give you a little boost of energy."

The cat stared at her and at the pop for a moment, seemingly unsure, before smiling deviously and eating it up in one go.

* * *

Terumi, who was currently grounded to the floor besides Relius' chair, suddenly sat straight for once in his life. If he was an actual person who had real bones, they would probably have cracked loudly. "Oh fuck."

Relius noticed the strange fact and turned around with a hint of curiosity. "What is it, Terumi?"

"I have _no clue_, but it feels so **good**." He got up, cleaning his yellow cloak. "Ah, no way. Seriously, no way. Is Hazama-chan _having fun_ without me? Now I'm jealous."

"I believe the word you're looking for is 'envious'."

Terumi seemed confused by the comment. "Why can't it be both? Don't they mean the same shit?"

"No."

"How come."

"Because that's not how words work." Relius replied dryly.

"Heh." A small glint appeared from the shadowed eyes under the hood. Terumi turned around and slowly leaned by Relius' side again. "When I get what I want and this stupid world becomes my _very own_ playground…" He turned the other's tiles over with a finger, one at a time. "All words will have the _same_ meaning. And…" He finished with the tiles and turned to Relius. "Do you know what _that_ meaning will be?"

The masked man unveiled a small smile. "Do enlighten me."

"It's nothing, really." The ghost picked a small tile and added it to the line he'd laid on the table. "It'll just be the fact that **_I_**_ am the rules_." Terumi declared with a broad grin. "Mahjong."

There was silence as his speech was over, the only noise being the bubbling from where the black mass of Seithr floated inside its transparent tube. The air was still on the underground lab, as if the world acknowledged the power held by the lean, shady creature that had seen its Truth.

Relius broke the tension with his calm, commanding tone. "Terumi."

"Yeah?"

"This is not a winning hand."

The ghost didn't even flinch. "It will be when _I_ make the rules."

"And you drew from my discard pile."

Terumi's smile did not falter for an instant. "One man's trash is another's treasure, amiright?"

Relius sighed loudly. "All you just did was show my hand to everybody on the table."

"According to the data, you also have to be penalized from saying 'mahjong' at the wrong time." Nu-13 added.

"Nobody _asked_ you, Thirteen." Terumi replied before tapping Relius in the shoulder. "You're always a winner in my heart." He stopped to actually consider these words and shrugged. "Or, I mean, you _would_ _be_ if I actually had one."

Relius was clearly not amused. "Terumi."

"Yeah?" The hooded ghost of a man answered with a broad grin.

"If you don't go get Hazama back right this instant, I'll turn you into a cat as well."

Terumi raised his eyebrows. "Come on, you _wouldn't_ dare."

Relius turned to stare straight at the ghost. "I'll then put matching bows on you and make you both the NOL's new mascots. You'll be adored and beloved by every single person in the entire world." The gaze through the mask had a severe weight to it. "You'll be pampered and gawked at your every action. They'll make balloons and candy in your name."

Terumi backed down and didn't even try to pretend otherwise. "Okay man, I get it, I'm leaving okay?"

"And they will _pet you_ every single day."

"Alright, alright, I'm going, you really don't have to…"

Relius hadn't moved, but his presence was greater than ever. "And the only thing that will come out of your filthy toothy mouth ever again will be those sweet, mellow, sugar-coated, _adorable_ meows."

That was the last straw. "Phantom! Teleport! NOW!"

The Puppeteer enjoyed every second of the shivering angry ghost's reaction. "Forever."

"**NOW**, DAMNIT!"

"You're stepping on a—"

"Nobody _ASKED YOU_, THIRTEEN!" Were Terumi's last words as Phantom finally teleported him away. Again, he was gone, but his feelings of disgust and horror still lingered with the mere thought of such a dreadful existence.

* * *

"HIBIKI!" The heroic Black Knight cried out angrily, tears in the corner of his eyes. "IT BIT MY _BUTT_!"

"It's just playing around, Lord Kagura." As usual, Captain Kohaku didn't even lift his head from the documents as they walked down the corridor. "That's what cats do. Just look at Taokaka."

"Taokaka doesn't bite my butt! Although I'm not sure I would dislike that." Kagura immediately added, suddenly thoughtful. "Hum… Well, they are really sharp, for sure, but… maybe if it's in a playful way… still it probably would be best to… OUCH! YOU LITTLE…!"

Fleeing from retaliation, the cat zipped along the corridor, zigzagging to keep itself from bumping into the walls. Hibiki Kohaku's shadowy self vanished as the pink feline tried to tackle it. The cat just kept going, swiftly jumping from wall to wall in the most amazing parkour anyone had ever seen in the whole Ikaruga federation. "See? It's just playing around."

Meow!

"The hat does fit it nicely as well."

"Who cares about that!" Kagura's complaints were drowned by the loud sound of delicate things breaking as they fell to the ground. "It's gonna destroy the whole building at this rate!"

"Nonsense. Just the furniture, sure, but the building's structural integrity will be fine." The pink feline soon returned, leaping at Hibiki with malicious intent. Alas, it was merely a shadow again. It resorted to go after the Black Knight, who unceremoniously ran away. "Lord Kagura, you really should compose yourself. We must get going to the Colosseum at once."

"But, BUTT! STOP BITING MY BUTT YOU LITTLE—!" Kagura took a swoop at the kitty's tail, but missed. The cat continued its energetic pouncing and the man continued to run from the inevitable pain that awaited his gluteus. "HOW ARE WE GOING ANYWHERE WITH _THIS THING_ AROUND!?"

"Walking, as far as I'm concerned." Hibiki once again dodged the feline's attack with little care. "We'll just have to take it with us, I'm afraid. Keeping it here would leave the furniture at a grave risk."

"MY **BUTT** IS AT A GRAVE— **_OUCH!_**"

"Seems like a fair trade to me." Hibiki declared flatly. The cat's imperceptible claws slashed the wall paint as it bounced around overly-excitedly. "The expense to fix you will clearly be minimal compared to any room we lock it in. And it may just leave by itself once we're outside."

"Really_—OUCH!—_unlikely!" Kagura once again tried to get back at the pink feline, but failed to catch its tail. The cat ran in circles around him, feinting its leaps skilfully, as if its usual moveset was just _made_ for that. "It's clearly trying to get back at me for something!"

"Well then, let's call it karma and leave it at that."

"Are you angry at me, Hibiki!? 'Cause you're seriously bein' a pain in the—_OUCH!_"

"Why would I be mad at you, sir?" The professional tone did not mask the speaker's emotions at all. "I mean, for the person who made the plan to wake up at such an hour, leaving all the preparations to everybody else, and still be unable to attend to a very simple request…"

"Argh, okay, _I get it!_" Kagura got down to his knees and pulled on the captain's shirt. "_I'm sorry_, Hibiki! I'm really, really sorry, so just keep the sermon for later and get rid of this damn cat!"

**Meow!**

Before Hibiki Kohaku could even consider it, the pink feline finally managed to get its teeth on his arm. The Captain slowly lifted the limb, watching with an impassive expression as the animal buried its small fangs deeper on the flesh.

Hibiki then turned to the Black Knight. They gazed at each other in silence for a moment. "Lord Kagura." He finally called out in his usual calm tone.

"Yes…?"

"We're late. Let's go at once."

Without lowering his arm, Hibiki resumed walking through the corridor. Kagura got up and followed after him with a puzzled expression. As the time went on and neither Hibiki nor the cat seemed to attempt any changes on that very _particular_ situation, Kagura couldn't help but ask out loud. "Do you want me to take it off your arm or something…?"

"Oh, _please_, don't bother, Lord Kagura." Hibiki sternly replied. "We already determined the extent of your capabilities. I'll deal with this situation from now on."

"…Hibiki, your arm's bleeding."

"I know."

"…Are you really sure you don't want me to…?"

"Lord Kagura, please shut your mouth and walk faster."

* * *

_Hello, ProxyEdgy here. _

_This chapter felt like ping-pong with all the back and forth. Also, gah, I wrote "Ikaruga" wrong two chapters ago! At least Phantom got it right. It'd be a whole 'nother story otherwise… _

_I blame my inattention on the kitty. Gosh dang you, Hazama-Skitty, with your adorable shiny new badge on your jet-black hat. And you, Hazama, for being the most elegant bully with cat allergies of all time. And you too, Terumi, for being an adorable loud foul-mouthed little ghostly thing that taunts everyone all the time._

_What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, I made a mistake. I shall correct this at once._


	9. The Fighting

7\. The Fighting

Terumi blinked a couple times, still trying to get that scary image out of his mind. He looked around, finding himself on a long corridor. "The hell am I." He could hear something like muffled screams or cheering in the distance. Whichever it was, he didn't give a damn. "I _guess_ I didn't _specify_ it very well, Phantom, pal, but I'm looking for _Hazama-chan_. Teleport me to _him_."

He stared into the dark figure covered by the floating purple cloak. The emptiness of the abyss gazed right back at him.

"…"

"You know I don't speak ellipsis, right?" Terumi complained, but there was still no response. He sighed and put his hands in his pockets. "Well, whatever, fuck you too. If he's around, I'll find him."

He took his very first step on that unknown place and immediately tripped, falling face first on the floor.

"…" Terumi growled deeply as he got up again. One quick glance revealed his foot was tangled in the wire of a very particular lamp that had been lost to eternity ever since chapter two. "Oh, _great_. Just what I _needed_. The damn _unbreakable_ lamp."

He grabbed the object, untangling it from himself, and immediately started bashing it against the floor. The outer shell was somewhat damaged by the rough treatment, but the glass bulb remained as smooth and perfect as always. It's impossible to break something that has no flaws, after all.

Terumi got bored with it very quickly, so he just got up and moved on. He took the lamp with him for no other reason than the fact he could whack someone in the head with it. The item would surely look much better stained in the blood of some dumbass that dared cross his way.

Soon enough, the hooded ghost found a doorway a little further into the corridor. The door was ajar, and he heard a conversation as he approached. "Kagura. Status report. Things are still not ready on my end. How's operation '_capture best waifu_' going so far?"

"Well… I mean, he's down there for sure, but this damn cat isn't letting me see very clearly."

"What? How?! Isn't Hibiki supposed to be watching the cat?"

"He almost fainted from blood loss, so we had to take it off him." The man on the other end explained. "And now the devious fiend has fixed its fangs of evil on Makoto's tail! The mere sight is absolutely unbearable!" He was as serious as he sounded dramatic. "I don't know if it's really possible to tough it out…!"

As soon as he said that, Makoto Nanaya's cheerful tone came through the speaker. "Oh, professor, can you see it? It's so gosh darn _cute_! Aww, _just look at it. _I think it _likes_ me!"

There was silence for a moment, and Terumi could only hear his own footsteps as he approached the door.

"She doesn't seem to be in any pain, Kagura."

"I know, but I really wanted it to be _me_ attached to that fluffy behind."

"_Knock knock!_" Terumi yelled as he entered the room, opening the door with a swift kick. "Hi there~! I'm here for a lost and found."

"Terumi!" Kokonoe gasped, immediately cutting her transmission short, but the hooded man still managed a quick glance at the last image: the squirrel girl with her brand new pink tail accessory and the tearful black-haired man that watched it yearningly. "Why are you here?!"

Terumi stared quietly at the professor for a moment, somewhat surprised. "Huh? What's with this subdued welcome? Don't I get a 'how dare you' and 'I'll kill you'?" He taunted her with a devious smile. "C'mon, Kokonoe, we're close enough to be a little more intimate than this, right?"

"You're not getting any more hate out of me, Terumi. As a scientist, I've taken precautions so I won't be blinded by these emotions ever again." She replied proudly. "I have discarded my hate for you."

"Oh, that's it then. Neat." Terumi almost shrugged the comment off. Almost. "Wait… wait, _wait_, **_wait_**." He needed a moment for that to sink in. "You _did_ **_what?!_**"

"I've discarded my hateful feelings for you."

"**_Why?!_**" Terumi sounded honestly hurt by the blunt answer. "That's just…! I mean, you… Wow. Fucking _wow_. That's _so_ _mean_! So you're a _bully_ now?! What did I ever _do_ to you to deserve to be treated this?!"

"Do you really want the list?" Kokonoe pulled out a piece of paper from her sleeve. "Let's see… chips, coffee, ice cubes, bourbon, oil… No, wait, that's my grocery list. Where did I put the other one…?"

She was serious, as he quickly realised. "You know what, it's fine."

"No, just wait a minute, I'll find it in no time." Kokonoe started pulling out the stuff from her sleeve pockets. Two bag of chips, a couple dozen lollipops, some empty soda cans, a wrench…

"Kokonoe, I think I get the picture, really…"

"Nonsense, it'll just take a second." And so she took out her rocket punch and machine gun, some spare keys, her Nintendo DS, two gallons of oil, one very confused Pakumen… "I mean, we can't fight if you're not properly motivated. It'll take all the fun out of it when I inevitably finish you off."

"As much as I'd love to try and kill you for those words, I actually came for the _cat_."

Kokonoe stopped short of pulling a Golden Tager out of her sleeves and turned to Terumi. "Jubei's not here."

"The _pink_ one." He thoughtlessly pointed at Kokonoe's communicator.

Which was still in her hand. "…I'm not exactly flattered and also really busy right now, so _no, thanks_."

As he brought that misunderstanding upon himself, Terumi resisted the urge to facepalm. "I mean that stupid-looking one. The one that was trying to bite Makoto Nanaya's tail off."

Kokonoe got one of her lollipops out of the huge mountain of things that now surrounded her and licked it with an air of unease. "What the hell would _you_, of all people, want with that small cat?"

"You _really_ wanna know?"

There was no reaction from either party. Still, that was the most civil both of them had been with each other since, like, _ever_, so it clearly was an improvement of sorts on their relationship.

Terumi eventually yielded. "Well, fuck it, what's the harm? I'll tell you anyways." The ghost attempted a dramatic pause, but he was too hasty for that kind of thing. "That fucker's Hazama."

Kokonoe took the words in slowly as she ate her lollipop. "…As in, he _belongs_ to Hazama."

Terumi's shoulders dropped. "No, not in 'he fucking _belongs_ to Hazama', in 'he fucking _is_ Hazama' you goddamn dipshits." He sighed in frustration. "Why are you and Hakumen-chan as fucking dumb as goddamn pet rocks, for crying out loud…"

The Professor knew that particular reaction far too well. "Hakumen's been getting on your nerves too, I see."

"He's so fucking good at that it's actually somehow _amazing_?"

"You tell me. Every time I talk with the guy I feel like downing an entire bottle… Ahem, I mean." Kokonoe recomposed herself, clearing her throat. "So, Terumi, as you were saying, the cat is your vessel."

"Yeah. Gotta thank Relius for that beautiful slip." His deranged smile was not one of joy.

"And so you want him back."

"'_Want_' is a really strong word for it, but yep, that's pretty much the spirit. I came here to take it back with me."

"Right." Kokonoe took a deep breath before changing to a completely casual tone. "_So,_ I _kinda_ gave him _Silvervine_. _Totally_ by accident, _of course_. You _know_ how it is, you leave things _unattended_ and they just start _piling_ on themselves and _before_ you notice it they just _spiral out of control_ and… _yeah_."

"Silvervine?" As Terumi didn't know what the substance was, he was clueless about what that was even supposed to mean.

"Yep. And it was a pretty large dose for someone his actual size, now that I think about it."

Okay, that didn't sound very encouraging, but there might still be hope. "Which means…?"

"I think he's pretty much in Unlimited mode right now."

Terumi's smile disappeared completely. He merely stood there silently for a moment, mouth slightly ajar, but unable to form any coherent words. Eventually he somehow managed to leave that stupor. "Fuck _me_, right."

"He definitely will, yes." Kokonoe nodded thoughtfully.

"Well…" Terumi would be glad to give up and return home, but a small shiver went through his ghostly body as he remembered his possible fate at Relius' hands. "Since I'm clearly fucked either way, better bring him back or die trying."

"Do try to achieve that last part, please."

"Well, since you asked _so nicely_, _now_ I'm gonna _fight for real_." Terumi said as if he had no intention of doing that from the very beginning. The grinning face of a man on the edge of despair was a very pleasant sight for the genius professor to behold.

As the ghost prepared to leave, Kokonoe finally noticed the thing in his hand and called out for him. "Hey, Terumi."

As soon as he heard that, the hooded man immediately stopped on his tracks and turned around, not at all bothered by the delay of his untimely end by the stubby paws of ire of a very pissed-off vessel.

"Yeah?"

"Can I have that lamp you're carrying?"

Terumi looked down at the object he forgot he was still holding. The glass was a really annoying, unremarkable shade of green. "What the hell do _you_ want it for? Is it important or something?"

"…_maybe_?"

His expression instantly turned wary. "Are you gonna turn it on and jumpscare me?"

Kokonoe didn't believe her ears at first."…No? I mean." She spat out the empty stick of the Silvervine pop. "Is _that_ what it's been used for?"

"For the past couple days, yeah."

She pondered over the fact for a good few seconds before deciding the best course of action. "You know what, keep it."

Terumi didn't like her serious tone at all. "**_Hell_**_ **no**_. You're not the boss of _me_." The brat of a man threw the very important item on the floor as he went out the door. The clank amused him a little, and it'd be the only amusement he'd take off the whole thing, for as soon as Kokonoe gets a hold of the lamp, his days of evil would come to an end...

_Or_ the lamp could just bounce and break apart when it hit Pakumen's butt and give up on its participation in this story, _I suppose_.

I mean, as the shards scattered all over the floor, there was a glint of peace and satisfaction to be felt. As if it had completed its original purpose of being a complete annoyance to the one person that mattered and now it could finally rest assured that the future was again hopeful. That is, to Kokonoe's distress.

* * *

Azrael could feel his magical restrains vanish even before he turned to his next opponent. The other's fighting spirit was just that strong. "Hey, Mad Dog, leave her alone!" Ragna yelled, his first appearance since that brief mention at the beginning as heroic as if he was actually the protagonist of this very serious story.

"The Grim Reaper… I don't think it's your turn to play yet." Despite the sombre tone, Azrael smiled a little with the prospect. "But I guess I'm done chewing that little toy."

Said little toy was Bullet, who was currently trying her best to hold on to consciousness. "Don't get… in my way…"

"Don't say stupid shit, idiot. Hey, Rabbit! Get her to a safe place."

"Since when do I allow maggots to order me around?" The blonde petite lady replied sternly, but smiled in a kind manner as she approached the other woman. "But I suppose doing so will provide me more entertainment than the matches have done so far. Come now dear."

"I can… still fight… ugh…!" Bullet did her best, but it wasn't enough. As she felt everything turn dark, a gentle breeze blew on her face, and the scent of roses eased her mind from all the bad things that just occurred.

A reassuring female voice could still be heard, seemingly from very far away. "_I sure hope he rips Ragna's shirt off by the time I get back..._"

Ragna could feel his ear itch, but he payed it no mind as he faced against the Mad Dog. Fist against sword, will against will, they engaged in combat with one single motion.

***Gauntlet Hades*** The shadowy force enveloped his hand as he lashed against his opponent. The inhumanly strong soldier answered with a strong kick that sent the smaller male flying back. ***Valiant Crush*** As his opponent approached too fast for eyes to see, the Grim Reaper responded with an uppercut. ***Inferno Divider*** Gaining the lead, he managed to get a few blows in before the Mad Dog's sheer aura forced him back. ***Growler Field***

Ragna stepped back, calling forth his trusted and always hungry companion (second to Taokaka, of course), Dead Spike-san. The small pointy mound of black energy growled as it attacked, but to no effect. Its well-earned power of eating a lot to the beat of the best songs in Blazblue wasn't enough to even scratch Azrael.

Noticing the audience, it disappeared out of sheer embarrassment for its lacking performance. "Oh, _come on_, DP! What the hell did you drag me the whole day around for?! I got captured because of you yesterday, damnit! At least _try_ to do something!"

He tried summoning it again, but Dead Spike-san was far too embarrassed to show its face, so it just went right back to its darkness and laid there, like a little puddle of shame.

"_DP!_"

It groaned, still refusing to appear in front of the audience again. Ragna sighed and got down to its side.

"Come on, DP. I know you can do it. Isn't that why we trained so hard?" His soft tone made the puddle waver a bit, and Dead Spike-san lifted its triangular head a little. "I mean, my wallet is not gonna see money after _that_ for a good few months, so we gotta make this worth it, okay?"

Dead Spike-san got up to its former glory and nodded with a happy growl.

"Yeah, that's right. Now who's the best spike there is? Who's the scariest, strongest and pointiest darkness ever? Who's the goddamn mascot of this franchise?" Dead Spike-san lifted itself up as much as it could, a big silly smile plastered on its cute toothy face. "That's right, it's you! Now, who's the buddy that's gonna _get that sonuvabitch _and _show him his place?_"

Dead Spike-san growled with pride, ready to take on the world, audience be damned. That's right, it _was_ the very best. Like no spike ever was before. And it was ready to show Ragna its full potential.

"That's more like it! Get him, buddy!"

Dead Spike-san charged head-on with a mighty growl, mouth wide open and showing off its amazing fangs that had munched on lots and lots of different foodstuffs. It was ready to try a brand new flavour. Dead Spike-san bit down, feeling the taste of the strongest muscles.

Azrael silently took the attack. The two stared at each other for a moment. "This… kind of tickles."

Gah! No pep talk in the world could possibly ease such a blow to its pride. Dead Spike-san barely held back the tears as it disappeared, much to Ragna's dismay. "Oh, _come on_, man! Did you _have_ to be such a dick about it?!"

"I mean…" Momentarily stopped on his tracks by the other's lack of fighting intention, Azrael sighed loudly. "Is that _all_ you got, Grim Reaper?" He provoked his opponent with clear disappointment, trying to get Ragna to rush at him again. "What a shame. And here I was, thinking this would be a–"

The Grim Reaper's attention suddenly wasn't on Azrael anymore. "**_TERUMI!_**"

Azrael turned to the direction the smaller male glared at, only to find a hooded nuisance who had just entered the Colosseum through a side door. The person immediately hushed them with broad gestures. "_Shh! _Not_ now_!"

Not attending to that request, the Grim Reaper abandoned his fight with Azrael to charge against the hooded stranger. "**_TERUMI!_** _THIS TIME_ I'LL **KILL** YOU!"

Azrael followed after with heavy steps, not at all happy to allow his prey to leave, but still unable to get Ragna to notice him again. "_No no no no no no_! Get back to whatever you were doing, Ragna-chan! You _did_ **_not_** just see me!"

"**CARNAGE…**"

The hooded stranger was clearly exasperated. "No! Shut up, _shut up_, **_shut up_**! Stop, Ragna-chan! Stop it **right the fuck now**!"

"**SCISSO—!**" Before the Grim Reaper could finish yelling his next attack with all the hate he could muster, a small unidentified object flew at them, suddenly obstructing the sun with its strange, mostly oval shape.

_MEOW!_

"FUCK!" The hooded stranger jumped over the Grim Reaper mere seconds before the strike. Ragna was the one hit right in the face by the cat's vicious claws as it leaped towards the lanky man.

"_No_! Stay _back_! I'm not mentally ready for this confrontation yet!"

**_Meow!_**

Azrael stayed still as the hooded stranger rushed his way, half-expecting this attitude would force the other to engage him in combat. That wasn't exactly what happened. Without even acknowledging Azrael's presence, the other man bent down and slid right through his legs. The cat hurried after him without paying any mind to Azrael as well.

"I'm here to take you back, you little fuck! Why are you being so—OH NO YOU WON'T!" The hooded man barely dodged the cat's skilful leap. "IF YOU DARE BITE ME, _I WILL _FUCKING **BITE YOU BACK**!"

The cat lifted its head with a perverse smile. Terumi could feel its intentions as clear as if he was still inside that precious little body. "Oh fuck."

Mew meow meow me-meow! Meow meow-ow meow!

The ground shook, the background turned a familiar spiralling shape of chains and nightmares, good ol' drumming started to play. Terumi knew all that far too well, but it was his first time on the receiving end. "Oh _fuck_."

**Mew mew meow! Me-meow! Meooow!**

As the cat meowed loudly, a green circle of runes surrounded it. "_Oh **fuck.**_"

From the slit eyes under the black hat came only the gleam of malice. The cat stood still, smiling deviously as it stared down the hooded ghost, awaiting, merely _daring_ him to make the first move.

"So that's how it is, huh." They both knew it was past the point of no return. "I give up my sanity to take care of you and _this_ is how you repay me, Hazama-chan?"

Considering Terumi was never the sanest of creatures to begin with and his "care" involved far too many close calls and minced limbs, that statement did little for Hazama-kitty to have a change of heart.

"_Fine_, then. _Be it **your fucking way**_."

As he saw the hooded stranger pull a knife to threaten the cat, Azrael frankly had no idea what was happening anymore. He could feel the aggressiveness on both of them, but, just like with the Grim Reaper, the two were too focused on each other to allow him to enter the fight.

By the way, Ragna the Bloodedge was currently knocked out on the floor from the cat's previous lunge at his head, so getting back to _that_ fight was clearly a no-go. "Hey…"

Before he could even call out to them, the cat attacked with a quick pounce. The hooded man dodged its fangs, but the tail slapped him in the face. Dark-green energy surrounded the man as he retaliated, sending the little animal flying off a few meters. Undeterred, it leaped to its feet and rushed again, feinting its attack by zigzagging around. It worked, but the hooded stranger protected himself with a round creature of shadows.

"Hell yeah, Ouroboros the Third!" The shadow snake made a very pleased clicking sound as it attacked alongside Terumi, enjoying the puzzled cheering of the audience. "Now I'm gonna ge—!"

_Meow!_

The cat leaped over the attack and slapped the hooded man in the face with its tail once again. It scratched his arm and quickly fled, zipping by Azrael in a flash. He looked down at it, but the cat didn't care enough to glance back. As Azrael looked up again, he saw the hooded man charging straight at him. "Finally…"

The dark-green energy hit him right in the face as the man jumped over him, using Azrael's shoulders as a support to boost himself forward. As the other's intentions were completely on the small cat, the Mad Dog was not able to retaliate.

Before he could recompose himself, the cat hit his left leg hard as it leaped around. Azrael could barely keep his footing before the hooded man came by, sending him flying away with a kick as he chased after the animal.

Azrael growled in frustration as he got up. His vision was immediately obscured by a hat as the cat's stubby paws hit his face. As soon as he saw sunlight again, a knife slashed by, missing his nose by millimetres. "Get _back_ here you **fuck**—!"

Meow!

As soon as Azrael managed to get his bearings back and move away a few steps, the hooded man slammed right into his chest. As with Dead Spike-san's attack before, it barely registered as damage, but it was still a bit sudden and somewhat uncomfortable. "Fuck, why's there a goddamn mountain in the way!"

"Hey…"

"_Fuck off_, dude! I'm a little _busy_ here!" Pushing against Azrael, Terumi fell to the ground on his butt. Hazama-kitty's attack went over his hooded head, and its tiny fangs attached themselves to Azrael's bare pectoralis major.

Azrael stared at the animal, and a pair of gleaming malicious slit eyes stared back at him. The Mad Dog recognized the marks of a predator, and came to respect the small thing's guts. As for the cat, it bit down harder, but no blood came out to quench its bloodlust.

The hooded man got up and tried to strike the cat from the back. It managed to puncture the hat, but the animal sensed the danger and loosened its jaws, letting go of Azrael just in time. "For fuck's sake, you damn feline!"

Terumi tried to pull his knife away, but it was stuck to Azrael's very manly chest. The two quietly stared at each other for a moment.

"You're kinda _in my way_."

"Funny, that's what I was going to say." Azrael replied in a dry tone. "You interfered when I was trying to feast on the Grim Reaper."

"That's, like, _totally_ Ragna-chan's fault." Still not letting go of his knife, Terumi started lifting his leg in a twisted fashion to dodge the cat's attacks. "I was _trying_ to be _stealthy_ for once." Despite his best efforts, his thigh was scratched. "Can you fucking _let go_ now?"

"I'm not really doing this on purpose." Azrael admitted, not entirely sure how to loosen the muscles on his chest.

"What the hell are you made of, the magic stone?" Terumi climbed onto Azrael's knees and started pulling as strongly as he physically could. "Grr…! Fuck, this is _impossible_! Do I get to become king if I get the goddamn knife out or some shi—"

That was far too good of a pose for Hazama-kitty not to pounce on. It struck, burying its vicious fangs on the ghost's butt.

"OUCH!" Terumi managed to pull the knife out, and fell flat on his back as the cat let go of him. From the audience, the Black Knight's sympathetic sigh could be heard. "YOU—!"

Terumi rolled over and got up, noticing a slight change on the situation. The runes that surrounded the cat were slowly fading away.

"Oh, I see." He grinned, feeling the tides turn. Hazama-kitty could feel the same, so it did what any sane cat who just bit their boss in the butt would do: it ran away as fast as it could. "_Hey_, get the hell back here!"

As Terumi chased after the cat, both of them trampled Ragna's body as they left the arena. Ragna the Bloodedge immediately jolted up, wide-awake. "The fuck just…"

Azrael smiled as he approached the now conscious and very puzzled Grim Reaper. "Oh, you're awake."

"Mad Dog!" Ragna the Bloodedge leaped to his feet, sword in hand, ready to fight. Azrael could feel his blood boil a little with the heated feelings of the other man. Finally, he was going to get the battle he deserved.

"That's right, Grim Reaper. Let's get back to what we were…"

Before he could finish the phrase, Kokonoe ended her preparations and teleported Azrael away to the cold corner of shame, where he could think about his actions and how he gave every other waifu in the game no longer a standing chance with his sexy debut in the franchise.

Somewhere not too far from the Colosseum, away from the whole commotion, all the drama and most of the butt-kicking, Carl Clover and his sister were resting on a bench, watching the people pass by. It was a beautiful afternoon, and a white butterfly flew by and perched on Nirvana's hand.

* * *

_Hello, ProxyEdgy here. _

_So, last chapter. I made another mistake. With a past participle. Again. How very specific._

_Still! I shall not rest until I have total grasp on this foreign language, and then I will (somehow) dominate the world with it. *Mwahahahaha* Yes, it's all part of my very evil plan. (I am not very good at making plans) _

_Seriously though, to make the same mistake twice feels so silly. At least this time it was the right word, but that kinda makes it sting little bit more. Still, I'll do my best!_


	10. The Amending

8\. The Amending

"I can see you, _bitch_."

Meow~

Terumi was currently on his knees, resting his cheek on the floor while sticking his face inside a small hole on the wall. Apart from the pinkies, every single one of his fingers was red with bite marks.

"Get the fuck out of there already. What are you, a rat?"

Meow.

Hazama-kitty stood still, clearly proud of the hiding place he somehow managed to squeeze himself into. He watched the ghost intently, neither making a move. "Come on, asshole. I can't go back without you this time, Relius is gonna _kill me_." The hooded ghost sighed. "Actually, scratch that, he's gonna turn _me_ into a cat as well, and then I'll _kill myself_."

It seemed like as good an ending as any at this point. Hazama-kitty didn't seem to be exactly mulling over the idea, and Terumi had no other choice but to wait for the other to comply. He'd already determined it was impossible to pull the cat out of its hiding place.

"_Come_ _on_, Hazama-chan. Didn't you fucking bite me to your heart's content already? Let's go home."

The cat's smile disappeared after a while. It yawned and very slowly squeezed itself back out, inching closer and closer to Terumi's face.

"Yeah, that's right. You caused enough mayhem for today." For the first time since this whole misadventure began, Terumi's smile to his vessel was not one of spite, but merely exhaustion. "Come on. Get out."

Hazama-Skitty's round head came out of the hole, and their noses touched. Terumi was far too tired to move away, so he just stood there, finally coming to terms with his fate and the fact his vessel was now that dumb-looking, half-pink half-cream coloured cat.

"I fucking hate you, you know." Terumi admitted it with a silly snicker. Well, sillier than his usual ones. "You goddamn glorious _jerk_."

Hazama-kitty opened its mouth in a huge smile, showing off two tiny bloody fangs in one of the most adorable expressions that could ever grace that round little face of wickedness.

Meow.

It promptly bit Terumi's nose.

"OUCH!" Terumi immediately got up, covering the wound with his hands while holding back the damn tears. "HAZAMA, YOU ABSOLUTE **FUCK!**"

The cat quickly squeezed itself back inside its hiding place. Terumi pulled out his butterfly knife and thrusted it inside the hole, trying to get at least a scratch on that annoying face. Unfortunately for him, Hazama-kitty was already out of range, and all he managed to do was flail his arm inside a tight hole like a complete idiot.

"_You_ _fucking_ **_little_**_…_" Somehow, his knife got stuck. Terumi twisted his hand, trying to get it out, unable to see what exactly was holding it back. "What the hell is… **Ouch!**"

He pulled out his left hand, leaving the knife behind. Now there was only one finger still holding on against the cat's viciousness.

"_You… **you…!**_" Unable to form coherent words, Terumi resorted to kicking the wall, as one does. "You goddamn…! Little _fuck_…! **I'm gonna kill you dead!**"

"_Terumi_."

"And I'll. Get Relius. To bring you _back. _So I can. Fucking. Murder. You. Again! And _again_! And **_again_**!" Every other word was punctuated by a kick, but some were more hateful than others.

"_Terumi_."

"And after! I'm done with _that_ I'll…! Mince you up…! And **_burn_**…_!_ **_every_**… _single_… _piece_…" Finally using the last of his energy, the hooded ghost stopped kicking the wall and sat down on the floor. "Ugh, I'm **_done_**."

"_Terumi_."

"I'm **_done_**. Don't wanna hear it." He laid down on the dirty floor and covered his face with his arms. "So _fucking **done**_ with this shit. Goddamnit, just kill me already. Right here, just get a damn knife through my fucking chest. Make it quick and painful."

"_Terumi_."

"I'm **not** _crying_." He totally was. "Fuck me. Fuck you. Fuck this whole shit. I don't care anymore. You can stay on this goddamn hole forever for all I care."

Terumi's arm was pulled, uncovering his eyes. The ghost had to blink a little before he understood someone else was there. "Terumi."

"Oh, _great_, look who it is, my favourite failed experiment. _Fuck off_, Ragna-chan." He freed himself from the other's hold and turned on his side, curling up a little. "I'm _not_ in the mood for that right now."

"Oh, I'm _sorry _**you're** _not in the mood_." Ragna scorned. "As _always_, it has to be _all_ about **you**."

"It has always been all about me, so what's your fucking point?"

"Oh_, I don't know_. I just _thought_ there was something here for the both of us, but _I guess not_." Ragna threw an unidentified object at Terumi's face. The ghost didn't care enough to push it away. "I suppose **I'm** not important **_at all_** in the grand scheme of things."

"_Oh_, stop your _whining_." Terumi groaned. "You _know_ you're the most important dumbass in this entire idiot parade."

"Then why are you being such an ass?! Aren't you supposed to taunt me and try to kill me like you always do?"

"Meh." Terumi finally recognized the tattered item as Hazama's hat. He got it out of his face and started hitting it on the ground, making slapping sounds. "I don't care enough to do that right now."

"Why not?! Am I not good enough for you?! Do you need a better nemesis now?!" The mutt was being all bark as always, but this time Terumi wasn't finding it endearing at all. "Maybe I should just fucking retire and let someone else lead this shitshow!"

Giving up on the hat, the ghost sighed. "Yeah, maybe you _should_."

His comment was met with silence. After a while, it got weird, so Terumi turned around with a hint of curiosity. He saw Ragna the Bloodedge, our dear anti-hero protagonist and the most wanted criminal in the entire world… holding back the tears.

Terumi knew he should be happy about the fact, but he didn't really mean for this to happen, so it felt somewhat undeserved. Like a consolation prize of sorts. "Ragna-chan, are you…?"

"I'm not!" Ragna turned his face away, drying the salty water with his sleeve. "And even if I _was_, it's not like you give a shit about it, right."

"Gee, I didn't mean to…"

"Don't try to play dumb now, of course you _meant_ it." Still looking away, the man in red crossed his arms. "You _always_ do."

Terumi turned on his belly and made himself comfortable. "Maybe it's because I know you can take it? I mean, neither of us would be here if you _weren't_ the most durable version of yourself."

Despite it being just a matter of fact and not a compliment at all, the other's mood improved a little. "Well, even if I _can_ take it, it doesn't mean you have to be such an ass about it _every fucking time_, you know."

"Eh, sorry, it's just force of habit."

"…did you just _apologize_ to me."

Ragna's expression would be quite amusing if Terumi wasn't just as surprised himself. "_I guess_." The ghost picked up the tattered hat and put it over his hood. "I'm really not in my best mind right now, so don't go expecting this to ever happen again."

Still way too surprised to process what just happened, Ragna slowly uncrossed his arms. "What happened to you?"

"Ugh. _So much shit_, you wouldn't believe it." Terumi rolled over to lay on his back. "I guess you could say it started when goddamn four-eyes got me out of my vessel, but then Relius had to…"

"Wait." Wow, the mutt was _already_ confused. That had to be a new record. "Vessel?"

"Yeah. Hazama-chan. You know, my _body_?"

"But you have a body right now."

"Eh, it's really not the same thing." Terumi smirked. "But it's comfy, I'll give you that. And I get to wear my favourite hood too. It's so damn cool, what with the black stripes and all."

"…okay then." Ragna wasn't entirely sure how he felt about all that unwanted knowledge. "Go on."

"As I was saying, goddamn four-eyes got me out of my vessel, but it was still fine, it's not like it mattered much." Terumi scowled at the ceiling. "But then, Relius had the goddamn brilliant idea of turning Hazama-chan into a stupid _cat_."

"Wait, _what_."

"My words exactly. I mean, _what the fuck_, man. After all the work to keep it in shape, the goddamn idiot goes and screws it up..."

"Wait, so you mean the cat that jumped on me…"

"Hazama."

"And the cat that was munching on shady guy's arm and squirrel girl's tail…"

"Also Hazama."

"That little pink cat…"

"Indeed, Hazama."

"With the black hat and the weird tail…"

"Repeat with me now: Ha-za-ma."

"But…" Before he could say anything else, from the hole in the floor came a meowing of agreement.

_Meow_.

Ragna could not believe his ears. "…Damn."

"Fucking _unbelievable_, right?" Terumi hid his face under the hat, only to angrily push it away again because of the slight smell of cat, and also of Hazama's shampoo. He absolutely hated the damn flowery scent. "And ever since I can't catch a goddamn break. This fucker keeps making my life hell just for the fun of it, and I hate it as much as I admire it."

At this point Ragna could do nothing else but nod. "Sounds rough."

"**I** **_know_**." Terumi sighed loudly. "I do try to get back at him, but so far it's not really working out. Almost made a smoothie out of him that one time, though. That was the closest I ever got."

"…That's animal abuse, you know."

"He abused me _first_." Terumi complained, gladly forgetting the fact that _he_ was the one that started kicking the cat around. "But enough of _my_ shitshow, Ragna-chan. How's life going for _you_?"

"Huh? Fine." Ragna shrugged at the unexpected question. "Got captured by a cocky asshole and Jin beat me in a fight, but besides that it's all going okay, I suppose."

"You're way calmer about it than usual."

"So are you."

"Yeah, but I'm going _insane_."

"Fair enough." The silence between them was odd, but surprisingly comfortable. Ragna was still way too shocked by how civil that conversation was going. "You know, Terumi, maybe it's your own damn fault your life is going to shit."

"I never said it wasn't." Terumi replied, completely giving up on the hat and throwing it at the wall. "I just want a damn break. I wanna go home and play my guitar."

"You have a _guitar_?" Ragna had no idea what to do with that information.

"Only one at the moment." The ghost whined. "Izanami keeps breaking the others, so I keep it hidden under my bed."

"You have a _bed_."

Terumi turned his face to glare at Ragna. "Of fucking course I have a _bed_, where the hell do you think I _sleep_?"

The other shrugged. "I kinda… thought you _didn't_?"

"Geez, Ragna-chan, what the hell do you even take me for? I'm a person too."

"I mean, _are_ _you_?"

"_I_ **_am_**."

"You _really_ sure about that."

Terumi rolled over to his belly once again. "If that's your attempt at baiting me into a fight, _give up_. I already said I won't and I mean it."

"Oh, _come on_, how did you know?! I thought I had you with that..."

"Heh. You're a million resets too early to try that on _me_, dumbass." Terumi rested his forehead on his arm and started mumbling to himself. "You know, that really sounds nice, resetting again… Just a couple more times, from the moment I beat Takamagahara's ass… Then I can get the gist of this new stuff... And the new idiots that showed up…"

"Oi, are you seriously falling asleep on me."

"…maybe." Terumi blinked heavily while yawning. "I'm tired, I got to eat a lot and all the fighting got me in a real bad shape. Gotta recharge the batteries."

"…Do you actually run on batteries?"

"Ragna-chan, stop being an idiot." Terumi replied as softly as his voice would allow while closing his eyes. "Also, if Hazama-chan ever gets out of that stupid hole, do kick him for me."

As if answering to the name that should not have been pronounced, a very familiar sound echoed from inside the wall.

Achoo.

"Heh, that's neat." Terumi opened his eyes again and lazily sat up, getting the little flask from his pocket. He rattled it a little. "Do you want it? _Come and get it_."

There was no sign of movement from the small hole on the wall. Terumi was doing his very best to keep himself awake at this point.

"Come out, you little fuck."

_Achoo_.

Still no Hazama-Skitty. Terumi knocked on the wall. "_Hello there_~? We got you a _delivery_~ Would you _please_ come out to get it now, or do I need to _tear up the goddamn wall_? Your choice, _sir_~"

Hearing the ghost's playful tone, Ragna felt a chill come down his spine. If this was a serious story, he'd be totally having that one flashback from the first game's story mode right about now. "Hazama-chan, you're not planning on _fucking_ _dying_ from your stupid allergies just to _spite me_, _are you?_"

There was a valiant attempt at meowing.

_Me–achoo_.

"You goddamn jerk." Terumi laid down again and stuck his hand inside the hole. "I swear, if you fucking bite me _one more time_…"

"What exactly is he allergic to?"

Terumi had actually forgotten all about Ragna for a moment. He turned to the other man as he felt around the tight hole. "You _really_ wanna know?"

The mutt shrugged. "Eh, at this point I'm just going along for the ride."

"Well, it's _cat_." The fact was punctuated by sneezing, which Terumi felt slightly on his wounded fingertips.

_Achoo!_

"'Cat'?"

"Yeah. He's allergic to _cat_."

"Wait, so…"

"Yeah."

Ragna frowned. "But he _is_ a…"

"I know."

"But, _but_… I mean, _how?_"

"Look, at this point I just accept it all as a really annoying fever dream."

**_Achoo!_**

"_Ew_, it got all over my hand…" Terumi finally found something to hold on to and pulled. It was the cat's tail, as he soon found out. Hazama-kitty came out of the hole with a defeated moan, all droopy and limp. "Fuck, are you _actually_ dying?"

**_ACHOO!_**

The strong sneeze made its entire tiny body shake. "Okay, okay, there you go." Without any meanness to the act for once, Terumi got a pill out of the flask and gave it to Hazama-kitty. He watched intently as the cat swallowed it.

"You better now?"

Hazama-Skitty got up on shaky paws and walked to Terumi's leg. It proceeded to rub itself on the ghost, wiping its face on the other's cloak. Terumi _almost_ pushed the cat away in disgust, but stopped on his tracks, a small part of his mind thinking somewhat clearly now.

He got hold of the cat and put it inside the tattered hat. "Got you now, you fuck."

Meow…

That, fortunately, was the sound of agreement. Hazama-kitty curled up and stayed still, breathing heavily. Terumi kept hold of the hat, unsure of what exactly he was supposed to do now. It did not feel like an earned victory at all.

"He's cute."

"Huh?" He looked up at Ragna, not exactly sure of the words the other just uttered.

"He's really cute." The mutt said, matter-of-factly. He wasn't doing dumb faces or staring at the cat with starry eyes either. "Do _you_ look like that when you sleep?"

"I'm not a _fucking_ _cat_."

"Well, you should definitely consider it, Terumi." Ragna advised thoughtfully. "No one would ever oppose you if you were _this _adorable."

"**_No thanks_.**" Even if it was a joke, which _really_ didn't seem to be the case, Terumi couldn't help but shiver with the mere idea. "If I were a goddamn stupid disgusting cat, I'd…" He stopped on his tracks in sudden realization.

Ragna couldn't help but notice the fact. "You _would_…?"

"I'd… Occupy myself by making everyone's life a living hell for the rest of my days or until they got me back…" Finally, it dawned on him. "Oh my god is that what you were doing this whole time? You were just _bored?!_"

Meow.

"I _cannot_ fucking _believe_ it."

Ragna wasn't quite sure of what was happening right now. Not that he'd been sure of anything at any point of this entire conversation. "…huh, Terumi…? You okay?"

"Okay? _Okay_?!" Judging solely by the deranged smile, Terumi seemed just back to his usual self. "Of course I'm not _fucking_ **okay**, Ragna-chan. I'm feeling _fucking_ **_empathy_**."

"Well, that's good—"

"OF COURSE IT ISN'T GOOD YOU ABSOLUTE DUMBFUCK!" The ghost visibly held himself back from throwing the cat at Ragna's face. "IF I START FEELING THAT SHIT I'M _LITERALLY GOING TO DIE!_"

"Huh." Ragna sniggered. "I guess it's _great_ then."

"_Fuck you_, Ragna-chan." Terumi started getting antsy. "I need to get Hazama-chan back to his former self right this goddamn instant or I'll… Ah, fuck it! _Phantom!_" The cloaked figure appeared from the shadows with no warning, making Ragna jump. "Teleport! **Now**!"

"Wait a second, I'm still—!"

"Who the fuck cares! You come along as well!" Terumi declared without a second thought, pulling the other man by the gorgeous all-white anime hair. "Phantom, NOW!"

"NO! WAIT! LET GO!" Ragna's pleas vanished in the air as the dark presence took them all away.


	11. The Rescuing

9\. The Rescuing

"That is quite the eye-opener." Bullet commented as she ate the scone, leaning over the table to stare thoughtfully at the small creature. "Still, for such a small frame to hold that tremendous amount of energy… Do you think it's possible to learn this power?"

"It's above human reach, I'm afraid." Rachel Alucard sipped her tea, still considering the question. "But there could be some chance, however small. Of course, you'd have to be strong enough to survive…"

"As a proud warrior, I'd bear any training, no matter how brutal it may be." Bullet straightened herself as she turned to the petite blonde. "Please, Miss Rachel, if you'd be so kind, share with me the secret to this power."

Even the most flaming of spirits could not move the sternness of a proper lady. Rachel slowly placed her cup back on the saucer. "You seem very determined." She noted with a small smile.

"As a warrior, I strive to improve myself every day."

"Very well." She got up, straightening her dress. The tea table vanished in the air, and the small creature atop it fell to the ground without a sound. "Let us put that determination to test, then."

"It'll be my pleasure, ma'am."

"First, you should stare into its eyes." Rachel Alucard lowered herself to the red roses, where the small creature now stood, unmoving. Bullet followed her lead. "Take deep breaths. Feel the power surging through you."

"I… Feel it." Bullet wasn't sure of what she felt, but it was surely something transcending human comprehension. "The power, yeah."

The small creature was completely still, looking back at her with a peaceful aura rivalling that of a statue of Buddha. "You must understand how it perceives life and all around it. Only then will you truly know the limits of your capacity."

"How it perceives life…" Bullet nodded thoughtfully as she continued to look into those calming eyes. "I think… I get it now."

"Good." Rachel got back to her feet once again. "Then we shall begin your proper training on the ways of the lightning."

Bullet got up and bowed to her new teacher. "I am glad to learn, ma'am."

"Now…" Rachel took a deep breath herself, preparing her heart for what was to come. "George XIII… _Do it_."

The small green frog walked a single step and stopped on its tracks. Nothing happened.

Bullet watched it more intensely. Still nothing happened. Slightly puzzled, she took a step forward, closing the distance between them, and…! Still nothing happened. "Is it supposed to take this long or…?"

"Shh." Rachel hushed her as the small green amphibian started to glow. Suddenly, the air lit with pink and purplish sparkles, making a strange cloud-like shape around the animal. Yet as suddenly as it began, the phenomenon was over.

Ribbit.

"Do you see it now?" Rachel declared solemnly. "That is, truly, the way of lightning. Now, do you still believe your human body to be capable of such monstrous feats?"

Bullet quietly stared at the peaceful frog for a moment before she raised her eyes to Rachel again. "Ma'am, if I may…"

"Yes? You may speak."

"That thing just now…"

"Indeed, what about it intrigues you?"

"Well…" Bullet started fidgeting. "It kinda was… Look, I don't really know how to put it…" She crossed her arms, biting her lip in frustration. "I'm kind of in a loss of words here, Miss Rachel… I mean, it was truly…"

Rachel Alucard tried to wait like a proper lady, but she soon found herself anxious. "Just spit it out already, child."

"It was…" Bullet looked away. "Kind of… _Freakin'_ **_awesome_**…?"

Rachel's lips curved in a smile. "I knew you had what it takes from the moment I saw you." She proudly declared. "We shall begin your training at once."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You shall leave this place with the title of George XIV."

"Yes, ma'am!"

"And so we shall begin!" Rachel proudly announced, Bullet's blazing spirit slipping onto her voice for a slight moment.

She felt like she was forgetting something, but pushed those silly thoughts to the back of her mind. "YES MA'AM!"

* * *

Ragna could not believe his situation right now. He stood still at the edge of the bed where he was sitting, despite the foot that not so weakly applied pressure to his back. "Can you fucking _stop_?"

"Don't like it, move."

"Move to _where_?" With the single bed, the two sliding doors and a wooden bookcase tightly packed on the tiny windowless room, Ragna could barely open his arms to complain dramatically. "This place isn't a bedroom, it's a goddamn broom closet!"

"It's a room and it has a bed. I don't know what else you expect from it."

"I can't get up without bumping my head on the ceiling!" Ragna groaned, trying and failing to escape the other's foot. He slid out of the bed to sit on the floor, but Terumi just stretched his leg and started kicking Ragna in the back of the head. "Cut it _out_. Aren't you supposed to be _asleep_?"

"I'm totally sleeping right now." Terumi replied with a pleased smile, hugging the pillow. Or, more accurately, stabbing the pillow with his fingernails. "See? Eyes closed and everything. I'm asleep."

Ragna sighed and slowly let himself fall to the floor. Laying on his side, he was finally free from the other's kicking. Ragna then sighed some more, just to get his point across. The sliding door right in front of him opened, and he saw a total of six feet. The two inside clean purple boots belonged to an old man, and the remaining four stubby paws belonged to a round little cat that strolled around under a tattered hat.

"What are you doing, Man of the Blue?"

"Dying inside a little, I guess." Ragna replied, allowing the cat to walk over his face. The fluffy small fur tickled him a bit. As the cat jumped over Ragna, its tail end slapped his face. "Ouch." It slapped him again. "Ouch." And again. "Ouch." On the fourth time, Ragna got hold of it and pulled the animal back. "Okay, what's _your_ deal, you little shit?"

Meow.

As the grown man growled at the small kitty, Relius walked around them all the immensely long and winded two-steps way to the other door. He then turned around as he realized something. "_Terumi_."

"Can't talk. I'm asleep."

"I will warn you just once."

Without bothering to open his eyes, Terumi groaned. "Oh, _come on_. Let it slip for _once_."

"What're you two talking about?" Ragna asked without taking his eyes away from the cat. The feline entertained the staring contest with a malicious smile.

Relius crossed his arms. "He knows what he's doing."

"All right, all right." Ragna watched from the corner of his eye as Terumi rolled on the bed for a while. Soon, two weightless black pieces of fabric flew across the room and hit the opposite wall, falling to the floor without a sound. "There you go, no socks on your bed. Happy now?"

"I'd be somewhat satisfied if you _didn't_ get on my bed as often as you do, but I guess it's good enough."

"Wait a second, this broom closet is _your_ room?!" Ragna took his eyes off the cat for a second, and his punishment was another tail slap to the face. "Ouch! Hey!" The cat immediately ran away, leaving Ragna to curse under his breath. "You little shit! When I get you, I'll…!"

"_Ahh_, that's _music_ to my ears~" Terumi sighed gleefully, turning on his side and strangling the pillow a little more. "The little devil fucking with someone else for a change…" His happiness was short-lived as the cat got up on the bed and bit his leg. "Ouch!" Terumi kicked around, but the cat didn't let go of his ethereal flesh. "_Relius_! Get this fucker _off_ me!"

Relius Clover sighed like someone who clearly heard this one request more times in his life than he could care to count. "Hazama, no." The cat immediately released the ghost's leg and walked over to him, a guiltless smile on its deviously cute face.

Meow.

"I think I know who the real owner is." Ragna noted with a small smile. Terumi let his leg hang off the bed and resumed kicking Ragna, much to the other's frustration.

* * *

"Firstly, you must concentrate on your surroundings." Rachel Alucard whispered in a sweet voice. "You must be always ready. Always keep in mind _where_ your opponents are, and _when_ to strike at them."

Bullet nodded thoughtfully. "This is _literally_ my Drive, so I'm confident of my abilities, Rachel-sensei."

"Oh? What a cheeky little student we have here." Rachel smiled widely as she took a step back. "If you're so confident, then why don't you show me what you can do?"

"I'd be my pleasure." Bullet bowed respectfully, a proud smile on her lips.

"Very well. Gii, Nago." The petite lady summoned the assist of her two favourite training bags, _ahem_, that is, mascots. "If you will."

"Princess, if I may…" The black cat replied with his usual downer tone. "Why not have our dear butler help with the training instead…?"

"Nonsense. You two are more than enough for this." Rachel sternly replied, waving her hand with clear indifference. "Now go."

"Geez, is the Princess still mad…?" The red pillow-bat asked in a low voice while he and the cat approached the still Bullet. "I mean, it was just one drop…"

"There shall be **no** tomato sauce entering this household under my watch." Rachel Alucard declared in an ominous tone. "You know what you've done."

"Eek! It was just one drop I hadn't licked off my wing yet!" Gii replied in a scared tone, hiding behind the big cat. "And it was _ketchup_!"

"_Go_. And do not make me repeat myself."

"Eek!" The pillow-bat quickly attended to the request, flying off as fast as his round body could manage. He tried to hit Bullet from behind, but she was quick to react, pulling him out of the air and slamming the malleable body into the ground. "Ouchie!"

"See, that's what you get for angering the Princess." The black cat mocked. "Should've known not to come back before—"

"Now it's your turn, Nago."

"What?! But what did I do wrong?"

"Nothing. I just feel like punishing you as well."

"My, such a cruel monarch…" The black cat mumbled under his breath, disheartened, as he faced Bullet. She didn't move as he closed the distance, merely concentrating as the orange aura surrounded her. "Well, miss, I'm sorry to say your time is u—"

The moment one fur of his paw entered her zone, Bullet sprang out to the cat. She thrashed him _hard_. "Well, that was unexpectedly easy." Bullet noted as she cleaned her hands. "Is there something I missed?"

"No, dear, it was perfect." Rachel replied with a pleased smile. "I've been meaning to punish these two for a while now, and that was the perfect opportunity. Come on now, here's the next part of your training."

The two beautiful women walked through the rose garden as small petals flew by them. The air was sweet and heavy with their strong fragrance. They eventually reached a small pond, almost obscured by the mansion's opulent walls.

The midnight full moon reflected on the muddy waters. A dozen yellow stars danced mesmerizingly in the darkest patches of grass: fireflies. "To truly attain George XIII's powers, you must first understand where it originates from." Rachel sat down on a small stone bench by the pond. "This is where everything will become clear. Stare into them, and you shall see the truth, but beware! It may be too much for any single human to handle."

"My body and soul are ready." Bullet declared, flaring up with determination. Her golden eyes reflected the dance of the small lights. "What is the secret about these fireflies?"

"Oh, so you recognize the power hidden within them. How observant." Rachel nodded in approval. "Although I'd expect nothing less from my disciple."

"Well, I mean…" Bullet shrugged. "There's nothing else here."

"And since you're my precious little disciple, I'm sure you realize by now that some of these hold more power than others."

"How'd you know that? They all look exactly the same."

Rachel ignored Bullet's question. "Yes, you clearly can feel its power surging ever so closer, a force like never before… Ah, here it comes." The petite lady reached out and a single firefly perched on her hand. "It's here. The Sparking Firefly."

"The Sparking Firefly?" Bullet leaned closer, but was soon underwhelmed. "It looks just like every other firefly in here."

"Do not be fooled by its appearance." Rachel was quick to correct her disciple. "Despite its looks, the Sparking Firefly holds a power like no other. If you are to understand its true nature, then you shall also attain such capacities. A power beyond human."

"Huh…" Despite being unimpressed, Bullet gave the small creature the benefit of the doubt. "So this is the true secret to little George's cloud of lightning?"

"What? No, of course not. George's power has nothing to do with this."

"But you just said…"

"There are many powers beyond human." Rachel replied wisely. "To know and understand them is what will provide your growth."

"I see…" Bullet nodded and turned to the small creature with renewed vigour. "And what exactly is this bug's amazing power?"

"I am glad you asked." Rachel brought her hand closer. "The Sparking Firefly, as the name suggests, is the only known firefly in the entire world to be able to scream '_Sparking!_' like in the Dragon Ball Z opening."

Bullet was not very impressed. "And why is this ability amazing again?"

"Because it has no lugs, obviously." The petite lady replied with contempt. "Are _you_ able to do something your body has no organs to produce, Bullet?"

As Bullet watched the small creature take flight once again, she wasn't sure of what to feel anymore. "I… suppose not." As soon as she lost sight of the bug, from the small dancing lights echoed the deep and sudden sound of '_Sparking!_'.

* * *

Ragna was currently laying on the floor with his legs up on the bed. Terumi was still kicking him, and he'd gotten somewhat numb to the fact. "Ragna-chan."

"What is it, Mr. Asleep?"

Terumi moved a little closer to the edge of the bed, but not close _enough_ for Ragna to pull him down to the floor and punch his stupid face. "You know, Ragna-chan, I'll let you in on a _little_ _secret_." He edged ever so slightly closer, lowering his voice as he did so. "The truth is… I'm too tired to fall asleep."

"Oh man, how could I _not_ have _realized _it_ sooner_." Ragna sarcastically replied as he tried grabbing Terumi by the arm. The other man slipped away, quickly rolling back closer to the wall and away from Ragna's reach. "So what do we do now, Mr. Not Really Asleep?"

"Hmm…" Lost in thought, Terumi kicked Ragna's leg without even noticing the fact. "How about… Oh, I know. Read me a book."

"Hah?"

"You heard me." Terumi yawned as he strangled his pillow. His foot moved on its own and hit Ragna's hip in an angle, causing the other to jump a little. "Book. Read it. There's like, a million of the damn things right in front of you."

"Read it yourself, you lazy bastard." Ragna tried kicking back, but failed to hit his target and opened himself up to retaliation. Terumi got him on both legs at once, the precise hit making Ragna roll over and hit the opposite wall.

"_Can't_." The ghost replied while turning his back at the little scene he just caused. "Too tired to keep my eyes open."

"And just _why_…" Ragna sat up, straightening himself with a pained expression. "Do _I_ have to entertain _you_?"

"'Cause you're here and I'll kick you in the head if you don't."

Since he'd already determined there was not a single place in that entire broom closet safe from Terumi's incessant kicking, that was an actual threat the other could follow through. "…Fair enough, I guess." Ragna sighed deeply as he accepted his fate. "Which book do you want?"

He could almost hear the bastard smile from having got his way. "Pick the most… _unbelievable_ one. Like, full of stuff that would _never_ happen for real."

Ragna inched a little closer to the bookcase and started pulling out some books at random. "Alright, how about…" He eventually got his hands on a red _brick_. "'Modern Quantum Mechanics'? Yeah, that's sure to bore you out, right?"

"Are you an _idiot_, Ragna-chan?" Terumi replied while turning around on the bed. He kicked the wall on reflex. "That's not even a little unbelievable."

"But it's big as hell."

"Who the fuck cares? It's also _commonplace_ as hell." Terumi complained loudly. "I want unbelievable dreams, so read me something _fantastical_ instead."

"Hmm…" Not wanting to admit how curious he was about Terumi's idea of 'fantastical', Ragna got up to check on the upper rows of the bookcase. He pulled out a pink book. "There's a small one here... 'The Architecture of Happiness'?"

The small book was full of pictures of picturesque rooms and beautifully constructed… "I think you just found Relius' porn mag."

Ragna slowly pushed the pink book back to the corner of the upper shelf and averted his gaze from it. "What about 'The Mirror of Alchemy'?"

Terumi yawned in frustration. "Too _practical_. We're looking for the unbelievable here, Ragna-chan. Try something _whimsical_ for once."

The worst part of it was receiving orders from that damn bastard, but Ragna was soon reminded that he had no better choice as Terumi kicked him in the butt. "_Okay_, I **_get it_**, **whimsical**, right." He growled the annoying word through his teeth as he kneeled on the ground, searching around the bookcase. "Then the best choice would certainly be… '_The Ugly Duckling_'?"

"**_No_**, Ragna-chan."

"Why the hell is there an _actual kid's book_ in here?" Ragna pulled it from the shelf out of pure disbelief. "Isn't this that masked old man's stuff? Why the hell would he…"

"Because that's a joke book, _obviously_." Terumi replied while kicking Ragna. He used the other's back as support while he rolled around on the bed. "_Sometimes_, in the bazillion resets we went through, there was _nothing better to do_, so the three of us would sit here and read this crap out loud." He explained in a slightly softer tone. "It's _very_ entertaining."

Ragna was feeling somewhat weirded out by the fact people like these could share any kind of moment together. He went back to his endless search on the bookshelf of wonders. "What about 'An Introduction to Classical Mechanics'?"

The fact that Terumi didn't answer right away sent a chill over Ragna's spine. "Open it on the part with the questions."

"Sure…" Ragna did as he was told, sitting on the floor by the side of the bed. He tried to get as close as he could to Terumi's face, so that the other's leg would hardly find its way to his head. "You want me to read it aloud?"

"No, I want you to _eat the damn page_. What the fuck do you _think_."

Ragna sighed as he opened the book on a random page. He soon found the exercises, and decided to read a short one. "Find the shortest possible period of revolution of two identical gravitating solid spheres which are in circular orbit…" He could hear the other giggling. "…in free space about a point midway between them. You can imagine the spheres fabricated from any material obtainable by man."

"That's a cute one." Terumi leaned closer to Ragna and pulled on the top corner of the page. "Go to around 150. There are better ones there."

Very perplexed but also just as curious, Ragna did as told. "Okay… Find the centre of mass of a thin uniform plate…" Again with the giggling. "…in the shape of an equilateral triangle…" And more giggles. "…with sides 'a'."

"Man, I love this crap. It's so _ridiculous_." Terumi confessed with a smile. "A world where everything is symmetrical and all shapes are perfect and there's no friction and no resistance and everything just goes smoothly all the time…" He yawned. "So stupidly wonderful…"

"_This_ is your idea of _whimsical_?"

"It sure is." Terumi replied in a sleepy tone, gladly curling up and strangling his pillow a little more. "Read me… another one." He couldn't help but yawn once more. "I'm at my limit."

Ragna quietly wondered if he could use a physics book to end his nemesis once and for all, but soon decided he'd rather stick to his giant sword. It just seemed like the most natural way. "Suppose that a system consists of several bodies, and that the position of the centre of mass of each body is known. Prove that the centre of mass of the system can be found by treating each body as a particle concentrated at its centre of mass."

"That's _easy_… You just…" Terumi's raspy voice turned into a low mumbling that soon disappeared, leaving the room quiet and gloomy. Ragna waited a while, half-expecting the other to be pretending, but as nothing happened, he felt himself relax a bit.

"So he actually fell asleep, huh?" Ragna closed the book softly and turned around to look at Terumi. The bastard snored a bit. "Huh. He doesn't look half as annoying like that..." As he watched Terumi sleep, his shoulder was suddenly hit. "Ouch." Ragna turned around just in time to block a second kick coming his way. "You gotta be kidding me…"

Sometimes, the urge to do something reaches out when one's at their truest state of mind. "He **kicks** _in his sleep_ **_too_**?!"

* * *

The garden of roses was as ever, an unchanging beautiful sight that inebriated the very soul with its sweet scent. Rachel Alucard was having her midnight tea, as it was always midnight in her castle, and she was always ready to have her teatime.

Bullet was sitting by her side at the table. Having faced the numerous truths of this world beyond human comprehension, she was… actually perfectly fine. There wasn't any mind-melting truth to the fact that strange things existed in the Blazblue world.

Gii and Nago weren't exactly fine, though. They were tired from the beating they got as Bullet's punching bags, and were passed out on the floor. "Would you like more snacks, milady, Miss Bullet?" Valkenhayn asked with his usual gentleness.

"I'll have to pass on that offer, Valkenhayn. Despite them being delicious, I am quite full." Rachel answered with the manners of a proper lady.

"I'll take a couple more. All that training and concentrating really uses my energy." Bullet accepted the sweet treats with the hungry look of a starving disciple. "Thank you very much."

"You're very welcome." The butler smiled kindly, as he usually did when he liked the guests.

There was a small silence as Bullet enjoyed her well-earned snacks. "So…" Rachel broke the stillness of the air with her regal voice. "I believe now you are more than ready to learn the secrets of the lightning."

"Oh?" Bullet's eyes immediately shone with curiosity. She gulped up the food in her mouth all at once and ended up choking a little. "Are you gonna… *Cough*" Valkenhayn offered her some more tea, which Bullet readily drank. "Phew… Ahem, so you'll tell me how little George makes its _awesome_ cloud of lightning?"

"Indeed, I will." Rachel Alucard enjoyed her disciple's fearless blazing spirit very much. "You see, it's actually a very simple process that goes through its body before and after the release. It starts by—"

She was interrupted by the sound of a huge body materializing in her garden. TR-0009 Tager adjusted his glasses and confirmed his status. "It seems I've arrived at the correct destination for once."

"Oh my, an uninvited guest. How rare." Completely abandoning her previous subject, Rachel gazed inquisitively at the red giant. "What brings you here today, Red Devil-san?"

"Pardon the intrusion." Tager slowly approached the two women, not noticing the butler's stern gaze. Rachel Alucard conjured a third chair, of normal size, for him to sit on. The giant man did so. The whole object squeaked in objection to the weight, but it held on somehow. "I come as a means of contact. Kokonoe needs to speak to you, Rachel Alucard."

"Why didn't she come herself then?" It was at times like these that the lady of the Alucard family wished she had one of these 'cellular phones', but it was just so _unsophisticated_.

"Kokonoe seems a bit… _busy_." Tager responded in a mysterious tone. "It would be best if you were to hear the details directly from her. May I begin the call?"

"Yes, of course." Rachel sat down more comfortably on her own chair and watched as the little screen showed up in the air. Ring… Ring… Finally, it picked up. "Hello? Kokonoe?" At first it was just static, but it didn't take long for the image to show up as well.

It was a smiling Pakumen. "Zea." It waved.

Behind it, there was a messy room and a very distressed Genius Professor of Sector Seven. "Where the hell _is she_?!" The upper part of her body was inside a vase, and her voice was echoing. "I leave her for a split second and when I look away she's **_gone_**?! And right after I finally _fix_ her after that _stupid accident_!?"

Pakumen poked the camera, which turned a little to reveal another part of the messy room. In a table nearby, a young man was spreading a few papers. "Did anybody see my documents? I was sure I left them around here somewhere…"

"Ah, Hibiki! What are you doing out of bed!" The Black Knight soon appeared, pulling his secretary by the neck of the uniform. "You're supposed to be _resting_!"

"Lord Kagura, please let me go. I have work to do."

"You can't work in these conditions! You can hardly hold a pen!" He pushed the smaller man onto the bed. "And stay right where you are!"

Hibiki Kohaku stared gloomily at his boss for a second, sitting on the bed as he was told. The moment Kagura Mutsuki blinked, though, he was right back at the table again.

"_Hibiki!_"

"As much as I appreciate your concern, Lord Kagura, there's still work to be done." Hibiki replied calmly as he handled the papers over the table. His arm was gushing blood all over the primly white documents. "I can rest when I'm dead."

"At this rate I'm pretty sure you _won't_ rest even _then_!"

"Then so be it. I'm sure you'll keep me busy when that time comes."

"Hibiki." A cold voice broke the argument before Kagura could give his heated reply. "I hate to say it but Kagura's right about that. You really need to rest."

"Yeah! You tell him, Jin-jin!"

"Call me that one more time and I'll make sure _you _will never get up from that bed either."

Hibiki Kohaku turned to the blonde-haired man with a slightly condescending gaze. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you the one who jumped out of a moving aircraft while sporting much worse wounds than a punctured arm, Major Kisaragi?"

"The aircraft was _stationary_." Jin corrected the other man. Rachel Alucard sighed, and the gesture was felt through the unmeasurable distance. "Huh? Oh, it's finally on?"

"Hello." Rachel resisted the urge to wave, as it was un-ladylike. "I heard that Kokonoe wanted to speak to me?"

"She's kind of busy right now." Jin approached the camera, pushing the Pakumen aside. "Woman, my brother is missing and we must find him at once."

"Try finding my _sanity_ while you're at it!" Kagura screamed from the background as he fought valiantly to pull Hibiki back to the bed. "Honestly man, why do you even need these goddamn papers so much!?"

"To finish my paperwork, of course." The Captain answered in a monotone. "Although I'd love to be in condition to throw them like blades at your face, sir."

"Please stop saying this kind of stuff!" The Black Knight whined. "When you're like this, I never know if you're kidding or not!"

"Lord Kagura, you're enough of a joke yourself that I don't ever feel the need to think of any others."

The Black Knight finally had enough of the argument. "Hibiki, at this rate I'm gonna have to use an Ars Magus to bind you to that goddamn bed." Kagura Mutsuki replied in a serious tone.

"With all due respect, _try me_, sir."

Jin Kisaragi sighed at the commotion and a comforting hand was placed on his shoulder. The red-haired girl didn't even have to say anything for his mood to improve slightly. "Thanks, Tsubaki." He cleaned his throat and turned to the screen once again. "So, as I was saying…" The room began to be torn apart as the two combatants engaged in battle. "My Brother is missing. _Do something_ about it, woman."

"It sure seems I'm the only one that can." Rachel agreed while trying to hide her smile. "You may leave it to me. I'll see to it that Ragna comes back unharmed."

"Good. That is all." Jin replied and started hitting the camera with his finger. "Where do you turn this thing off…"

"Zea." Pakumen tried to help, but Jin pushed its hand away. It tried again, with the same result. Soon enough, the two of them were at a fight to stop each other from touching the screen, and the original purpose of the act was forgotten.

From the noise of the battle came a bloody scream of rage. "I swear if I **don't find Minerva** **_nobody's_** getting out of this room EVER AGAIN!" Tager mercifully cut off the transmission right before Kokonoe exploded everyone with her missiles.

There was silence at the tea table. Bullet offered one of her remaining scones to Tager, who gladly accepted it. Rachel Alucard finished her tea with little hurry and got up.

"Well then, I shall take my leave now." She looked at her two servants who were still laying knocked out on the floor and decided she could deal with the matter herself. "I'll see you later." And with that, she teleported away.

Tager got up from his chair, which squeaked one final time before breaking apart in one thousand defeated metal pieces. "I guess I should be going as… Huh?" He finally noticed that Valkenhayn was glaring daggers at him. "Is something the matter?"

"The _flowers_." The old man answered with a growl.

Tager looked down at the crushed plant-life under his gigantic metal feet. "I am _extremely sorry_."

* * *

As he opened the sliding door and let himself in, Relius Clover could not believe the state of his room. "Man of the Blue, _what_ have you _done_?"

Hazama-Skitty gladly walked over to Ragna and jumped on his lap. "What? What did I do?" When the man absentmindedly tried to pet it, the cat bit down his hand. "Ouch! You sneaky asshole!"

Meow~

The cat walked away with a proud look on its face, jumping over the bed and hiding behind the sleeping ghost. Terumi tried to kick it in his sleep. Judging by his silly smile, he probably hit his target, at least in his dreams. "What were you looking for in _my bookcase_?"

Ragna backed down as Relius approached him. "Huh…" The Man of the Blue was at a loss of words as he watched the masked man pick up the several books he'd taken off the shelves. "Terumi asked me to read him to sleep."

"And you just had to take everything off its place in the process." Relius Clover sighed deeply as he organized his books back in the bookcase. "You truly are Terumi's match."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean."

"You can guess it for yourself." Relius took his sweet time making sure everything was organized the way he liked it. The background noise consisted of grunts of pain, meowing and the occasional snore, so it wasn't very difficult to keep his mind entertained with the act.

"Stop biting me, you little shit!" Ragna complained aloud as Relius finished with his organizing. The masked man turned to him, quite enjoying the scene. Both Terumi and Hazama were visibly hell-bent on annoying the Man of the Blue. "And why does this bastard have to _kick in his sleep_! Stop it already!"

"He'll stop it eventually." Relius explained, even though Ragna wasn't asking him in particular. "As soon as he enters deep sleep."

Ragna stopped fighting against the inevitable to stare at the masked man for a second. "How much do you _know_ about him?"

"An unpleasant amount, since I am the one that made his vessel." Relius Clover adjusted his mask. "Believe me, I appreciate this fact just as much as you're enjoying your predicament."

"Figures." Ragna sighed, dodging a kick headed his way. The cat used this opportunity to get a nip at his left arm. "Ouch… Hey, what's that thing you brought along?"

"This?" Relius turned to the door again and pulled the battle robot into the room. "I borrowed it from Kokonoe just a moment ago."

Ragna stared at the grey robot covered in green lightbulbs. "It looks like a sad attempt at modern art melted with a Christmas tree. Also, did you just say Kokonoe _let you_ borrow it? _The hell's_ that professor _thinking_."

"I did not say she _lent_ it to me. I said I _borrowed_ it."

"So you stole it then?"

"If I intend on returning it, it's not stolen."

Ragna sighed. "Sure. Whatever you say. At this point, who am I to care." He merely watched as Relius pushed the robot to the single freest corner in the entire broom closet. The masked man still messed around with it for a while, finishing his preparations and leaving Ragna somewhat curious about the purpose of all that. "What are you planning to do with it?"

Relius took a while to answer the question. "I'll turn it on whenever Terumi bothers me."

"What good will _that_ ever do."

Relius Clover merely cracked a smile, which Hazama-Skitty perfectly imitated. "You'll see it in due time, Man of the Blue."

* * *

Rachel found herself in front of a small lecherous inn, where a little girl in white with double ponytails played a card game against a bunch of older, scarier looking man. "Gyahahaha! And so Luna-sama wins again! Man, you guys _suck_! Waiter! Make it _another_ plateful!"

As the men collectively complained in defeat, Rachel approached the girl. "Hello. I see you're having fun."

"Hey there, flatty." Rachel Alucard kept her composure and did _not_, in fact, throw a table at the little brat, but it was by very little. "Wanna eat? These guys suck real hard at poker so we're just feasting on our winnings here!"

"I'm afraid I have no time for games right now. I came here to ask you a question." Rachel replied with her usual nobly tone. "Have you seen our dear Ragna around?"

"Nope. Can't say that we did." Luna replied, immediately attacking the meal that came to her table. "_But_… *chomp* _You could_... *munch* _Ask_... *snort* _Jubei-sama_... *gulp* _About it_." The voice that spoke now did not belong to the person that was eating like a starving castaway stranded on a deserted island.

"I guess that's a fine course of action." Rachel agreed with a small nod. "Do you know where he is, Sena?"

"*Chomp* _No clue_… *munch* _Sorry_… *gulp*"

"We'll, I'll find him eventually. Thank you for your help."

As Rachel turned around to leave, Luna finally finished her plate. "See ya around, flatty!" The petite lady resisted the urge to shock the girl, but didn't try to hold the intensity of the whirlwind as she slowly teleported away. It was with pleasure that Rachel Alucard watched the annoying brat cry as her food flew away from her and fell on some poor soul's head.

* * *

"Can I _go home_ now?" Ragna whimpered in a low voice. Terumi was still kicking him at uneven intervals, always catching him off guard, and now the cat had decided to slap him with its tail at every given opportunity as well. It was almost as if the two of them were working together towards a common goal of annoying the hell out of him.

The masked old man, meanwhile, was gladly sitting on the edge of the bed, with Terumi's other leg over his own. "You're not bound to anything in the room." Relius Clover replied while looking at a tiny screen in his hands. "Of course, you'd have to leave the facility on your own. We're not wasting any resources on a criminal, so good luck getting out without being caught."

"Can't believe I was complaining about that Kagura guy's place. At least they had _actual jail cells_." Ragna sighed, pushing the cat away and getting kicked on the back of the head while doing so. "What did I do to deserve being _trapped_ on this shitty _broom closet_ with _these_ _assholes_?"

"My bedroom is not a broom closet." Relius replied, for once looking up from the screen. "It's remodelled from a maintenance room. We had to move it to another floor, so I took the empty space for myself."

"So you _do_ admit it's not a bedroom."

"It wasn't _made_ with this purpose in mind, yes." Relius shrugged off the question and got back to his little screen. "Hmm, maybe if I round that one up instead, it may just…"

Ragna gave up on the cat and allowed it to slap his face a couple times while he tried to evade Terumi's incessant kicking. "And _why the hell_ did you make your bedroom on a maintenance room anyway, old man?"

"It's closer to the laboratory. I even made a pathway connecting to it." Relius explained with little care. "It's the door to our left."

"Do you love working or do you hate sleeping _that much_?"

"Yes."

Ragna wasn't sure if that was the old man's actual answer or if the other was talking to himself. With that mask, he could barely guess where the hell Relius Clover was looking at. Slapping the cat's tail away, Ragna somehow also manage to dodge the kick headed his way.

He felt really cool for a second, the poor bastard. Sometimes he actually forgets he's the epitome of an anti-hero anime protagonist, even with the spiky white hair, cool BFS* and awesome heterochromatic eyes. Then again, he has the whole 'turning into a monster that destroys the world' thing going on and all that, so it's really no surprise.

Anyways, his moment of glory lasted a grand total of ten seconds, and then the cat headbutted Ragna in the face. It was an immediate knockout.

Meow!

Relius Clover looked up from the screen and sighed. "_Hazama_." He couldn't even bring himself to complain, so he just pushed Terumi's leg away and got up. Ignoring the two tiny fangs the cat buried on his arm, Relius Clover got hold of his test subject and went back to his lab.

* * *

Rachel Alucard found herself on a boulevard, in front of a cosy little café. There were several people enjoying their time on the tables, but one lonely presence caught her eye. She approached the man of White Void, Cold Steel and Just Sword. "Hello, Mister Hero."

"What do you want." Hakumen asked bluntly while sipping his strawberry milkshake through a metal straw that went through the lower part of his helmet.

"My, where are your manners? I have just come to ask for your cooperation." Rachel leaned over the table and Hakumen immediately moved away, dragging his chair on the floor. "My, my, Mister Hero, what's the meaning of this cold treatment? It's just a single question."

"Then ask and leave me be." He replied while taking another small sip of the cold beverage through the straw.

"Very well then." Despite clearly wanting to elongate the talk, she mercifully decided to get to the point. "I was wondering—" The sound of slurping drowned Rachel's words. She tried again. "I came here to ask if—" Once more, the loud slurping of the milkshake silenced the petite lady's question. She did not give up. "Would you be so kind to tell me if you—" A loud but brief slurp. "If you have—" Followed by another, stronger slurp. "Have you seen—" And accompanied by a very long and winding one that just went on and on and on and... "Are you quite finished now?!"

_Slurp_. "Yes."

"Then have you seen Ragna around?!"

"I have not."

"Very well. That was a waste of my time." Rachel declared as she turned on her heels and walked away from the table where the lonely hero drank his well-deserved cold and sweet treat. "Have a good day." The petite lady still didn't forget her manners as she teleported away.

* * *

"Why am I even here?" Ragna loudly wondered to the low ceiling. "In fact, why are we all here? Actually, is there even a meaning to call this place 'here'? What is reality? What is _life_, even?"

Terumi slowly woke up. He turned around, still holding his pillow, and saw Ragna the Bloodedge laying down on the floor by the side of the bed.

"What is my purpose? Do I even have one? Are human beings naturally aimless? Is there even a meaning in pursuing something?" Ragna was staring deeply into the cobweb close to the light. "What is it I want? Do I long for power, and for what purpose? What should I do if I even obtain the power I seek? Do I wield it for my own gain, or is there something else to do with it?"

Terumi furrowed his brows, unsure of what he was hearing. He proceeded to throw his pillow at Ragna's face. "I'm awake."

"You can believe that, but can you _prove_ it?" Ragna merely pushed the pillow aside. "What even _is_ the difference between reality and dream? How can you say you're awake, when it's impossible to define what 'to be awake' even means?"

"Okay, this is weird." Terumi rolled over and fell off the bed, on top of Ragna. He rested his chin on the other's chest. "What the fuck is _up_ with you."

"I have literally been bored out of my mind."

"Oh, yeah. Relius' room does that to people." Very understanding of the situation, Terumi sat up on Ragna's stomach. "You can't feel time go by when you're here. It feels empty and detached, as if you were drifting off inside the Azure itself. You can even lose all sense of self if you're not careful."

Having said that, Terumi started poking Ragna's face. "So that's how the Azure feels? Lonely and timeless, continuing on forever untouched in an endless cycle of emptiness…"

"Nope. That's Relius Clover, the goddamn _bore_ that he is." Terumi replied with a smile. "That's why _this_ is the _perfect place_ for a little nap. Man, I feel _refreshed_!" He happily declared, stretching a little. "_Come on_, Ragna-chan, snap out of it. I wanna hear your adorable barking as I **gut** you. Since this will be our last time, I'll make it one I'll remember forever! Oh, and don't worry, so will _you_, when **I** remake this world!"

Ragna merely sighed. "I'm not in the mood right now."

Terumi's grin didn't waver even one bit. "I'll let you have the first strike."

"Not in the mood, dude. Read the goddamn room." Ragna answered in a gloomy monotone.

Of course, Terumi didn't care about it at all. "Trying to get back at me, Ragna-chan? You're gonna have to try harder than that." He pulled his one remaining knife from his pocket and pressed the tip against Ragna's chin. "Come on now. Are you _really_ going to be satisfied if someone else kills me first? You know you _want it_, Ragna-chan."

"Meh. You're just gonna come back to bother me again."

"I don't know. This time I might not." Terumi was serious while he entertained the thought. That is to say, he stopped smiling for a grand total of two seconds. "Still, would you rather have someone else getting me first? There's a fucking _line_ of people after me, Ragna-chan. Think of what they would give to be in your situation right now."

For the first time since this conversation began, Ragna's gaze moved away from the cobweb. He stared puzzlingly at Terumi. "Do you _actually_ think that high of yourself?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'm the goddamn _best_." Terumi proudly declared. "I'm a _God_, Ragna-chan. It doesn't get any higher than **_that_**."

"A 'god'? Yeah, sure. You're a goddamn _parasite_ that makes everything around you worse, Terumi." Ragna scornfully replied. "There isn't a single good thing about you, let alone anything that makes you special besides the fact that you're shittiest jerk around. You're just _scum_."

Terumi's smile grew wider. "See, _that's_ what I missed. _Come on_, bark a little _more_." He demanded in a pleasured tone. "_Despise me_ more. **_Hate_**_ me_. Let every single one of those feelings out with your entire body, Ragna-chan!"

Ragna was not amused by the request. "You know, I've noticed something funny. _Every single one_ of my male opponents speaks to me in a weirdly sexual tone, _except_ for that loud ninja guy and that cocky asshole. And I'm pretty sure the only reason they _don't_ do it is 'cause they got their damn heads stuck way too far up their goddamn asses."

Terumi's smile immediately vanished. "I'm _not_ speaking in a sexual tone."

"See? You guys don't even _notice_ it, for fuck's sake!" Ragna complained, pushing Terumi off him and sitting up. "Honestly, at this point I won't be surprised if this stupid shit turns into an Eroge. I mean, it was always a not so thinly veiled Visual Novel, anyways!"

"As I just said, I was _not_—"

"If it isn't you, it's Jin, that goddamn creep. If not, then it's the absolute abs guy talking about 'feasting' on me. If not, then it's a literal puddle trying to gobble me up! And when all is said and done, there's still that masked fucker who is more than happy to cut me down for breathing the same air as him!"

"If you say Hakumen-chan's name in front of me I swear I will murder you in cold blood and plant daisies over your dead body after I bury it in a very shallow grave." Even the ghost had to breathe after such a sentence. "_And_ I'll make that _fucking cat_ **_piss_** on it."

Terumi was completely and utterly ignored, as he should always be. "There was even a _kid_ that goddamn time. A shitty brat with a stupid doll!" Finished with his rant, Ragna sighed and crossed his arms. "Well, actually, at least he was very polite about killing me, for once. Unlike _everyone **else**_."

"That's because I taught my son manners."

Ragna nodded absentmindedly. "And you sure did a great job at… _When the hell_ _did you get back_, old man?!"

"Just now." Relius Clover closed the sliding door behind him. "I had to go around to get a couple tools. The tests are running smoothly, by the way."

"Oh, neat." Terumi stretched his legs and blocked Relius' path to the lab door. "How's it looking?"

"He's still a cat."

"Then what fucking _changed_."

"I believe his eyelids have become slightly denser."

The ghost stared at Relius in disbelief. "Wow man, that's fucking _progress_ right fucking there, _goddamn_, you deserve a fucking _medal_ for your efforts to this community."

The other merely adjusted his mask. "If you keep that attitude with me, I'll make you regret every word you utter, Terumi." With that said, he kicked the ghost's legs to open his path to the second door. "Man of the Blue, is something the matter? Your gaze is quite intriguing."

Ragna immediately glanced away with a somewhat guilty expression. "I'm kinda… not over the fact someone actually _fucked_ a guy like you?"

"Pardon?"

"I mean, you said the brat was your kid, right?"

"Yes. Carl is my son." Relius confirmed the fact with a hint of confusion in his tone. "So?"

"So…" Ragna's knee jittered nervously as he felt the weight of Relius' gaze over him. "I mean… It's kinda hard to see someone like you, someone so… _dedicated to his job_ to be also a… _family _man… _ya know_?"

"Oh, he's a _perfect_ family man, all right." Terumi gladly intruded in the talk. "He's got a _beautiful_ wife and two _adorable_ little kids."

"Why do I feel like I can't believe a single word you say?"

"That's because I'm saying nice things for a change, Ragna-chan, and it _physically_ _hurts_ me." Terumi rested his back against the bookcase. "But it's all true. This fucker is the most well-adjusted man I ever met in my _life_. He's so goddamn _specific_ with _every. Little. Fucking. Detail._ And somehow it still _always works out_ for him. And there's also _the cape_, like, _no one_ could ever compete with _that_. And he's always _so fucking calm_ no matter the situation, it's fucking _infuriating_ I mean goddamnit..."

As Terumi went on, Ragna turned to Relius with a puzzled expression. "Is he _actually_ _complimenting_ you?"

"Yes, but I'm sure there's an underlying reason for it." Relius Clover replied in a low voice. "Just like his reasoning to bring you here."

"Wait, there _was_ a reason? I thought he was just being a dick."

Relius Clover nodded slightly. "Yuuki Terumi may be a bothersome presence, but he _is_ very clever."

Ragna watched the hooded bastard for a second as he slowly came to terms with that fact. "Well, what did he bring me here for, then?"

"To use you as fodder so Hazama would leave him alone." Relius gladly explained as he adjusted his mask. "It's working well so far."

"That makes way too much sense…" Ragna sighed in defeat. Meanwhile in the background, Terumi was still begrudgingly listing Relius 'good points'.

"…And his hair is so goddamn _silky_ and smooth _all the fucking time_ I mean _holy fuck_, what's your fucking _secret_, everything _I_ try just makes it stand up _harder_." The ghost finished his little rant and looked up at Relius. "I fucking _hate you_ so goddamn much."

"See? That's his way of saying 'I love you'." Relius Clover explained to the very weirded out Ragna. "Now he's about to ask me a favour."

"Just how long have you two been _married_?"

"About thirty years, give or take."

Ragna blinked in confusion, another part of his brain shutting off due to the trauma these mental images left on him. "Wait, what."

"Technically it's more, but I was inside a Cauldron for eighty years of that." Relius casually commented, as if it was a very commonplace occurrence. "Oh, here it comes."

"So…" Terumi got up and walked over to Relius. He pushed the taller man against the door, pulling on his cape by the golden holder. "You go down there _right now_ and get my fucking vessel _back to shape_ before I **stab** **every single one** of your _annoying attributes_."

The two's gaze was so intense Ragna could barely keep his eyes on the scene. Relius, however, replied with utmost calm. "I'll do that. On one condition."

Terumi leaned closer and answered in a low, threatening tone. "_Name it_."

"You will not get bodily fluids of any kind spilled anywhere near my bookcase."

Terumi's response was a mocking smile. "_Sure_. I'll play _nice_." He shrugged as he let go of Relius and put his hands in his pockets. "I'm sure Ragna-chan and I _won't_ get at each other's throats or _anything_."

The sarcasm was not lost on Relius. "Very well then." The masked man reached out. "Give me your knives."

"Huh?!" Terumi clearly did not expect that request. He glared at Relius for a while, but the other man refused to yield. "Okay, okay, have the _damn knife_. For fuck's sake, you are such a _jerk_ sometimes…"

Relius was quick to put away the object. "Where is the other one?"

The ghost shrugged. "Lost it inside a small hole."

"Terumi…" Relius sighed deeply. "How many times do I have to tell you not to leave the crime weapon behind? Do you have any idea how bothersome it is to go back and erase your tracks…"

"It was an _actual_ hole this time." Terumi replied before the other could continue the usual lecture. "On a wall. Where Hazama-chan was hiding."

"Oh."

Ragna really couldn't tell if the two of them got along fine or not. And at this point he was unwilling to risk his life and remaining sanity to ask.

* * *

Rachel Alucard found herself on the warm inside of a bathhouse, her black pony heel boots the perfect size to balance her petite body on the edge of tub.

"GYAAAAAH!" A noisy scream made the entire room shake, and a scruffy-looking man quickly covered himself. "Little LADY, this is the _MEN'S_ BATH!"

"Cease your screaming." Rachel complained with a sigh while adjusting her right ribbon. "Everyone has seen your manly, muscular naked body at this point, have they not?"

"This is THIS, that is THAT! And I AM NOT NAKED in my Astral Finish!" Bang Shishigami replied while covering his manly chest, his scarred face as red and hot as molten iron. "But… do you really find me manly?"

"That's right! Our boss is very manly!" Subordinate A, popping his green headgear covered face out of the bathwater, declared proudly.

"Yeah, that's true! Our boss is the manliest ever!" Subordinate B, with his blue headgear, added for emphasis from the other corner of the bathtub.

"He's the manliest man to ever walk this earth!" Subordinate C, the one in yellow headgear, was on the verge of tears out of sheer admiration for his beloved Boss.

"A true men amongst men!" Subordinate D of the red headgear finished the declaration of love from every ninja and civilian in Ronin-gai, splashing warm water all over the place as he posed with his fist in the air. "We'll follow you forever, Boss!"

"We'll follow you, Boss!" The four proudly declared in unison.

"Geez, you guys sure know how to make a man _blush_…" Bang Shishigami replied softly with his usual wide smile, forgetting for a moment the situation at hand. He soon noticed Rachel's cold gaze. "AHEM, I mean. Little LADY, what are you DOING in such a place?!"

"Actually, I was looking for someone…"

Before Rachel could finish, Bang already had a grasp on the situation. "I SEE! You're a little lady in DISTRESS that's looking for your MISSING BELOVED FRIEND, so you teleported to ME, the HERO of JUSTICE, Shishigami Bang, so I can HELP you in this TIME of NEED!"

"I'm glad you understand the situation, but you really don't need to speak so loud…"

"But FRET NOT, little lady!" His heroic spirit flaring up like usual, Bang struck a pose. "For I, the HERO of JUSTICE, Shishigami Bang, shall FIND your MISSING COMRADE!"

"That's our Boss!" Subordinate B declared with pride.

"Yeah, go get 'em, Boss!" Subordinate A added in encouragement.

"You rule, Boss!" Subordinates C and D cheered from the sidelines.

"My, my, pipe down, you guys." Bang replied in a mentoring tone. "A true ninja should ALWAYS be ready to help others, it's nothing out of the usual." With a kind smile, he turned to Rachel once again. "WELL, little lady, what do you have to SAY?"

Rachel Alucard gazed over the standing man that posed heroically from the bathtub in front of her, the water barely reaching his knees. "Please _sit down_."

Bang Shishigami seemed puzzled by the request for a second, until he realized what he was doing. "GYAH!" He immediately went back inside the tub, the sudden move creating a small tsunami all around him. "I'M EXTREMELY SORRY!"

Sighing and pulling a handkerchief from her sleeve, Rachel dried her face. "All I came here to ask is if you have seen Ragna around."

"The BLOODEDGE?" Bang questioned with clear worry. "Why, I haven't HEARD of him since that EVENT at the Colosseum this AFTERNOON."

Rachel's eyes widened as she finally realized what she was forgetting all along. "Oh my."

"Is something the MATTER, little lady?"

"Oh, nothing." Rachel was quick to answer. "I have another amazingly muscular piece of man to admire, that's all." She explained as she jumped off the edge of the tub. "I must depart at once. Oh, but before that, I have a small request…"

Bang straightened himself when the petite lady turned back at him. "YES? WHAT is IT?"

"_Do_ use your Astral Finish more often." And with that she teleported away.

* * *

Relius could hear the fighting even before he opened the sliding door that connected his room to the staircase leading to the laboratory. "You **_cheating_** **bastard**!"

"Shut the fuck up, you _sore **loser**_!"

He took a deep breath and entered the room. "What are you two doing now." Relius Clover asked as he took in the little scene. Terumi and Ragna were wrestling on top of his bed, a small pile of cards scattered on the mattress and all over the floor.

"This _fucking_ _idiot_ doesn't know how to play slapping Uno!" Terumi yelled while kicking Ragna in the stomach. As the other bent over in pain, he took the opportunity to push him and get on top of his opponent. "You _draw a card_, you get a _slap_! What part of this is _fucking foreign_ to your _stupid doggy head_?!"

"There aren't **_sixteen_** draw fours in a single deck of Uno!" Ragna pulled Terumi by the neck and headbutted him. While the other recovered from the blow, he managed to sit up and push the ghost away.

"Well maybe that's because your _sissy decks_ can't handle that much **_power_**!" Their hands interlocked, each man trying his damned hardest to push the other down. Ragna was winning by a small margin, so Terumi began kicking his legs. "Besides, _you're_ the cheater! It's called _slapping_ Uno, and you _punched_ me!"

"It's not my fault if my 5A is a proper move and yours is a puny slap!" Ragna untangled one of his hands and pulled Terumi's hood, blinding his opponent for a moment. He used this small moment of advantage to push Terumi down on the bed.

"My slaps are stronger than your stupid punch by a goddamn mile!" Terumi squirmed, trying to get away, but Ragna pinned both of his hands down. "Get off me, you fucker!" He tried kicking, but that position didn't allow him to hit his target.

"Give up and admit it: You're a _cheater_." Ragna declared with a smug smile. Terumi growled back and kept struggling, trying to get out of the other's grasp. "You can't out-strength me, you dumbass."

"It isn't _over_ until **_I_**_ **win**_." And with that, Terumi locked his legs around Ragna's hips. Before the Man of the Blue could process the act, the ghost pulled himself closer and bit him right in the nose.

As Relius watched the scene, he had to wonder if the act was inspired by Hazama-kitty's behaviour or if it was the other way around. As Ragna pulled himself away in pain, Terumi pushed him down and they started to wrestle once again.

"_Terumi_." Relius Clover called out once in a warning tone.

"You're so _dead_, _Ragna-chan_!"

"Try me, you **cheating** **bastard**!"

As he was utterly ignored, Relius Clover sighed and pulled out a remote controller from his pocket. He waited until both men were in a sitting position, hands interlocked once more, and pressed the red button.

*Click*

It didn't exactly went according to plan.

As the robot's green lights turned on all at once at the corner of the room, the two idiots indeed stopped fighting, but they instantly froze in place. Terumi's face turned paler, something that Relius didn't think was even possible. As for the Man of the Blue, his right arm suddenly dropped down like dead weight, and his right eye closed shut.

"What the… Hey!" Ragna, noticing something about the other's reaction, quickly pushed Terumi away with his remaining arm. The hooded ghost rolled out of the bed and fell to the ground, where he immediately started puking.

"_Relius_…" Terumi panted out as he tried to hold it in. The liquid still came out, despite his best efforts. "What the _fuck_… did you _do_…!? Ugh…!"

*Click* Relius Clover turned off his little experiment and put the controller back in his pocket with a guiltless expression. "I did not expect this to happen." He admitted, somewhat surprised, somewhat curious. "Be careful not to get vomit on my books."

Terumi wanted to complain, but he was far too busy expelling the matter from his stomach to form any meaningful words. Ragna, meanwhile, leaned over from the bed to watch the spectacle.

"Holy fuck, dude, what the hell did you _eat_?" He asked, amazed by the squirming matter of doom that was now spreading all over the floor. "I mean, of course the mosaics are to be expected, but isn't anime puke supposed to be all rainbow glitter and shit? This thing's _ominous_." Ragna stared at it dumbfounded. "I think you're puking your goddamn _soul_ out."

"Geh…" Finished throwing up, Terumi sat down and took a few deep breaths. He looked down at his creation with angry disappointment. "Ugh… Such a waste of good food…"

"The mop and buckets are on the upper floor."

"Shut _up_." Terumi moaned, covering his mouth and holding in the very little that was still left inside his stomach. "It's _your_ fucking fault, why do _I_ have to clean it up?"

"Now you know how I feel every time you go out and fool around."

"Oh, _zip it_, you stick in the mud. Sigh…" Terumi's shoulders dropped as he finally relaxed, his body back to its usual vigour. He turned to Ragna, visibly half-expecting to return to the previous scuffle, but noticed something new. "Ragna-chan, your Dead Spike is poking out."

"_What_." Ragna's hand quickly hovered over his zipper. "No it's _not_... Ah." He soon noticed the small pointy head rising from his right leg. "What is it, DP?"

The tiny mound fell off the bed, staring curiously at the censored mass of blackness that squirmed vividly all over the floor. Dead Spike-san slowly opened its mouth.

"DP, _no_."

It looked back at Ragna, still with its mouth wide open. Slowly, the teeth closed around the ominous unknown matter.

"DP, do _not_ eat that."

With a guilty yet hungry look, Dead Spike-san outright disobeyed Ragna's order and chomped down on the mosaics.

"**_DP_**."

It happily continued to disobey Ragna and eat the puke out of the floor. "Huh. I guess we don't need the mop after all." Terumi watched as the little spiky mound cleaned his mess for him, and when Dead Spike-san was finished, he patted its head. "Thanks, boy."

"_Do not_ touch my Dead Spike, Terumi." Ragna pushed the ghost's hand away and put himself between the little mound and the hooded man. Dead Spike-san burped, very satisfied with its unexpected meal.

"Geez, overprotective much? Even though you can't even make it obey you?" Terumi scorned, the usual smile returning to his still too pale face. "You know, if it was _my_ Ouroboros, it would have _bitten your damn hand off_, yet your little buddy over there… What the hell." Ragna did not look back immediately, but Relius could see it very clearly from his spot at the door. "Ragna-chan, is it _supposed_ to grow that big?"

"The hell are you talking about…" He turned when he felt something poke his back. Dead Spike-san was growing bigger by the second, its spiky body melting and spiking again like the unknown matter it just consumed. "DP?!"

It growled deeply and opened its gigantic mouth. Relius understood what was going to happen not a moment too late and swiftly exited the room, locking the door behind him. That is to say, he locked the two of them inside a small room with a very hungry prototype Black Beast 2.0 and did not look back.

"DP! DP **stop**! _No_! **_Sit down_**! _BAD SPIKE_! _NO_, DON'T BITE ME! WE _TALKED_ ABOUT THIS!" Soon enough, the Man of the Blue was screaming. "_NOOOO_! LET _GOOOO_!"

Terumi, meanwhile, was banging on the door. "RELIUS, YOU FUCKER! OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR _RIGHT NOW_!"

Relius Clover rested his back against the moving door as he heard the sad fate of the two men, the two first victims of this new threat to the world. He was sighing, questioning just where in his life did he go wrong, when he felt a light slap in his leg.

Meow.

The masked man looked down at the smiling cat. The very tips of its ears where just beginning to return to Hazama's usual hair colour. "I believe I told you to stay at the table." Relius sighed one last time and adjusted his mask with renewed vigour.

Meow.

"Let's go find a way to fix this." Relius declared while walking down the stairs back to his laboratory. Hazama-Skitty followed him jumping down each step at a time.

* * *

Valkenhayn R. Hellsing found himself under a tall tree, on an empty park. He climbed the tree, one branch at a time, with the ease of a countryside kid. Eventually, he reached one branch that was larger than the rest.

There laid Jubei of the Six Heroes, a most heroic and kind presence, peacefully resting under the dying daylight. Valkenhayn watched over him for a moment, a smile curving his dry lips.

"To think we can still have peaceful moments like these…" The old hero did as his comrade and rested against the tree trunk, watching the stars that glimmered slightly on the darkening twilight sky. "This world truly is a place of wonders."

Jubei smiled, half-opening his eye. "It sure is." He replied with comfort and certainty. "That's why it's worth protectin'."

* * *

"Litchi." Relius called out to the woman who was playing Solitaire on the computer while she awaited her test results. "I need your assistance."

"Oh? You, Colonel Clover, actually asking for help? The moon must be falling from the sky." She commented absentmindedly while clicking away at the cards.

"I'd rather it was that simple." Relius Clover replied, sitting down by her side. Hazama-kitty jumped over the table and walked right to her, resting itself on her arm. Litchi Faye Ling ignored the cat and continued her game. "I need to use Arakune."

She finally stopped playing and turned to him with a displeased expression. "What for?"

"I may or may not have caused a chain reaction that, due to a series of unfortunate circumstances, will introduce a new Black Beast to the world."

"Huh." Litchi got her hand out from under the cat. "Does this have anything to do with you turning Captain Hazama here into a cat?"

Her question caught Relius off guard. "You knew about it?"

"I mean, one look at him was all I needed. He's even wearing his hat." Litchi replied with a serious tone. "Also, you would never take care of a small animal with that much zeal."

Maybe it was his own fault for misjudging people, but Relius Clover never thought of that woman as someone clever enough for that kind of deduction. "Well, that event is indirectly at fault, but this current predicament is not exactly my doing."

"Colonel, everything that happens is, in one way or another, _your_ doing." Litchi Faye Ling replied sternly, before sighing deeply and adjusting her glasses. "But enough of that. We have a situation at hand, and you want Arakune's help, is that all?"

"That covers the gist of it, yes."

"And how exactly do you intend on using Arakune to stop a new Black Beast from being brought to existence?"

"…I haven't planned that far ahead yet."

Litchi held the urge to facepalm. "Were you just going to _throw him in there_ and see if it worked?"

"I believe the verb people use to refer to this act nowadays is 'to _yeet_'." He only realized her death glare when Hazama-kitty slapped his arm with its tail. "Well, yes, that was the initial idea. You oppose it, I presume."

"Oh, no, let's _do_ it. I'm sure it'll work _fine_."

Her sarcasm was completely lost on Relius, who hurryingly got up again. "Great. Then let us go. There is no time to waste." This time, Litchi actually facepalmed. Which was good, since her hand blocked the cat's tail from making contact with her cheek.

Hazama-kitty's smile faulted as the woman stared at it with a threatening look behind the façade of her sweet smile. "You try that again and I'll skin you alive, _Captain_."

_Meow…!_

The cat was fast on its feet as it jumped after Relius. Massaging her temples, Litchi sighed and went after the duo. Relius had almost managed to get Arakune out of his tube before she stopped him in his tracks. Both the two humans and the cat received an unexpected bath as the cold liquid spilled from the glass tube all over them.

* * *

"You use a goddamn wedding dress for _one_ stupid photoshoot and they never let you live it down… Huh?" Azrael was complaining out loud to the cold empty void when a unexpected presence teleported right in front of him. "And who are you?"

"Oh my, is this the prison Kokonoe locked you in?" Rachel asked while looking around the void. "The place is in such bad taste. The decoration is quite lacking as well."

"Agreed. At least my other prison was comfortable enough for a nap, although this one _is_ a bit larger..." Azrael sighed. "But what brings you here? Are you also Kokonoe's prisoner, little girl?"

"Oh, no. Quite on the contrary, actually." Rachel Alucard, the lady of the Alucard family, bowed down politely as she introduced herself. "I am Rachel Alucard, the one that usually busts people out of Kokonoe's prisons."

"Oh." Azrael was more curious than impressed by the fact. "But why would you let me out?"

Rachel shrugged, but in a very ladylike manner. "It's not like I really want to, but I came to gather information on Ragna's whereabouts, so I figured that your freedom would be a good offer."

"Eh, not really." Feeling bored, Azrael closed his eyes. "I've had my fill. The best meals were somewhat of a disappointment, to be honest, and there's really nothing else for me to do out there right now. I'd rather wait another few years and try again."

"But you haven't even battled Kagura Mutsuki yet, have you?"

"The Black Knight? What a joke." Azrael scoffed. "All he was doing was crying in pain because a tiny cat bit him when he tried to pull it away from a girl. And the Grim Reaper was easily knocked out by the same cat." The Mad Dog sighed deeply. "Honestly, at this point I'd just go fight the cat."

"Hm." Rachel had been far too absorbed in the fights to notice exactly what Kagura Mutsuki was doing, but she _did_ remember hearing his pained moans every once in a while. "And were there no other fights you were looking forward to?"

"Well, I heard the Murakumo Unit was around." Azrael almost sounded excited about the fact. "And I did try to fight Hakumen of the Six Heroes, but it didn't work out that well." He thought about it for a moment. "Actually, that seems to be a running problem with my opponents these days. They never stay put until the finishing blow…"

Rachel Alucard, meanwhile, already knew what she could offer in that bargain. "I can get you to Hakumen on two conditions."

Azrael opened his eyes, a glint of curiosity in his face. "And what would they be?"

"First, that you tell me exactly what went down in your battle against Ragna the Bloodedge."

The Mad Dog was clearly unimpressed. "That alone is worth the send-away ticket, is it not?" Azrael replied, a small smile curving his lips. "If you want anything else out of me, you'll have to agree to my request as well, little girl."

"I'm sure we can come to terms." Rachel Alucard replied, also smiling. "And I believe I'm already aware of what you'll request of me."

Azrael furrowed his brows. "_Are you,_ now?"

"My dear man, I was an Observer." Rachel confessed with a hint of pride. "I know far more than I let on. And I'll see to it that your request is fulfilled."

"…Can you _really_ get rid of them all?"

"I believe there's only two of them that have become public, and I'll make sure they're confined to the very end of our game's gallery. No, _in fact_…" Rachel's smile was quite a bit mischievous for a lady such as herself, but she did not refrained from it. "I'll make it so one of them will only see the light of day in our _next_ game."

"Deal." Azrael was quick to comply. That seemed more than enough to get people to stop referring to him as 'the best waifu'. Sadly, he did not know the internet well enough, but that's a story for another timeline. "What's your second condition?"

Rachel took a deep breath, preparing herself mentally for the deed. "Azrael…" She still needed an extra pause to better exercise her breathing. "I want you to dunk Hakumen on the _goddamn_ moon."

Azrael bared his fangs with a pleased look. "I like you, little girl."

* * *

The screeches of the condemned could still be heard from the other side of the door. Litchi gestured to Arakune, who slowly seeped his way inside the room. The woman, the man and the cat were on standby, merely awaiting the results of the struggle.

As they heard Arakune call forth his endless supply of bugs, Litchi saw the Colonel adjust his mask with a defeated look. "It's going to be a pain to clean my books after this…" He mumbled under his breath.

As for Captain Hazama, he was slyly prancing around her, looking up from time to time, and Litchi Faye Ling returned his gaze with all the repulse she could muster. She loved cats very much, but the one Hazama had become was simply the most revolting thing to look at. It was far too cutesy and clearly hiding its evil intentions.

"So…" Despite having nothing to say, she tried to break the ice after it was clear Arakune was going to take his time. "How would you prefer this to go down?"

"The less messy way." Relius Clover replied with his usual monotone. "Having the Spike puke out everything would be the most assuring result, but I'd much prefer if it simply ate too much and gave up on devouring the world out of stomachache."

"But what about Ragna the Bloodedge? Wouldn't letting him be consumed by the beast be the worst result?"

"I really do not care." The Colonel crossed his arms. "But having Terumi be consumed will probably give me a headache later on, when he inevitably comes back to haunt my life."

Litchi almost smiled at the comment. "You know, I find it quite amazing you can deal with a person like him."

"It's easier to put up with people you don't care about."

"Oh, stop lying to yourself, Colonel." Litchi reprimanded him in a motherly way. "Out of all the people in this entire world, he is one of the few you actually _do_ care about."

"Hardly."

"You help him out of every sticky situation he gets himself into."

"That's because he is useful and I don't want to lose years of preparation to his hasty mistakes." Relius turned his face away when he noticed her gaze. "I _do_ _not_ care about him."

"Then why do you let him bother you all the time?"

"Because he's harder to work with when he's not getting his way."

Litchi was smiling now. "And why do you bother _him_ every opportunity you get?"

"Because I have to get back at him for being a nuisance." Relius clearly had an answer to each and every single one of these questions. Not because he thought about them much when he had to put up with Terumi, of course, it's just because he was super smart and his mind was always working overtime with every single detail and stuff. Obviously.

Like anyone could just _like_ Yuuki Terumi. The ghost would turn them inside out and have Ouroboros play fetch with the bits after mincing the body. "And what might you be doing in such a place, Relius Clover?"

The female voice that intruded on their attempt at small talk belonged to a young lady in regal clothing. Litchi Faye Ling had never seen that person before, and the girl completely ignored her presence. "Imperator." The Colonel bowed as she approached. "We are currently having a minor setback, but everything's under control."

"I'd expect nothing less." Izanami looked down at the cat, which hid under its tattered hat behind Relius' feet. "My, what has Terumi gotten himself into now, if the cause isn't our littlest troublemaker?"

As he didn't feel like facing the consequences of lying to the Imperator (or half-assing the truth, as he usually did), Relius Clover simply gave up trying to cover what happened. "Terumi has inadvertently created a small Black Beast by feeding pure hate to the Man of the Blue's spiky companion."

"Pure hate? So Terumi was eaten alive?" Her lips curved slightly. "What a sad fate to our beloved comrade." Izanami sounded as blissful as she possibly could.

"Actually, they're still very much alive, if their screams of anger and fear are of any indication."

"Oh. That's a shame…" There was an uncomfortably quiet moment where the three of them stood side by side, neither actually acknowledging the other's presence. The cat slowly came out of its hiding place, but still very much refused to get anywhere near Izanami's reach. "Wait a second."

"What is it, Imperator?"

"Did you just said 'the _Man of the Blue_'s companion'?"

Relius Clover nodded. "I also mentioned it was spiky, but I suppose that information is superfluous."

"So _Ragna_ is here?"

Relius nodded once again. He adjusted his mask so it wouldn't fall off with the excessive movement of his head. "He's on the other side of that door, probably being digested by the monster as we speak."

The small girl in princess regalia seemed disheartened by the fact. For a moment, Litchi thought the girl was going to cry, but instead her empty eyes lighted up with burning passion.

"Not on my watch he _won't_." She declared, taking a step forward and slamming the door open. What greeted her was a monster unlike any ever seen before, half a Black Beast with glowing red eyes and teeth and half a goop monster as Arakune tried in vain to absorb Dead Spike-san's uncontrollable power.

Izanami walked right inside the beast's mouth and, half-consumed by the darkness, pulled out a single arm. The small girl proceeded to pull the rest of the body until Ragna the Bloodedge completely popped out of the monster.

He was allowed a moment to get a hold of himself. "Ugh… What the…" Ragna the Bloodedge looked up at her, his confused face suddenly lighting up. "_Saya_?! Wait, whoa…!" And then he was unceremoniously dragged away by the small girl. "Wait, let me go! Where are you taking me…!"

As Litchi Faye Ling and Relius Clover watched the scene in awe, the cat had the brilliant idea to jump inside the beast as well. There was much meowing and deep growling as it valiantly fought against the darkness trying to consume it. Its head eventually managed to pop out, hat still in place, holding Terumi's cloak in its mouth.

Proud muffled meow!

It proceeded to swim away in the darkness, paddling with its stubby little paws. However, before Hazama-kitty had a chance to wash up ashore, the monster closed its mouth on the cat and gulped it whole.

Panicked muffled meow!

Litchi and Relius exchanged one single look as they watched the monster grow stronger, Arakune's attacks merely making it hungrier. The scientist was ready to cast away her life, not to save the Colonel, of course, but to try to help her dearest gooey friend. Before she could do anything, however, Relius Clover finally got a complete hold of the situation.

"Ignis!" The beautiful doll with lustrous skin and delicate yet deadly features appeared by his side. The masked Puppeteer gestured kindly to his partner. "Pull them out."

Ignis did so, charging at the monster's mouth and diving her claws inside the darkness. There was little struggle before she pulled out Captain Hazama, who meowed in distress. The next thing the doll found was his hat, which she carefully placed atop his little fiendish cat head. Finally, Ignis got hold of a very particular yellow cloak. She proceeded to pull the entire existence of Yuuki Terumi out of the monster and unceremoniously hurl him at the opposite wall.

Then, as gracefully as she appeared, Ignis vanished into the air once more, her duties as a proper wife fulfilled.

As it lost its main sources of power, the now meek Dead Spike-san could do nothing but let itself be bested by Arakune. The two eventually reached an agreement, with DP spitting out what it had eaten off the floor and going back to its usual shape before disappearing into a puddle of non-threatening darkness.

And so the deed was done, and Six New Heroes arose from the conflict. Their names and prowess would be lost to time, and the deed itself would be forever known only to them and the two victims they rescued from the merciless fangs of certain doom. Still, a new beast was defeated and the world was protected from its hungry wrath, so really, it was a victory.

Except for Terumi, who was still shivering with the shock of almost being consumed and becoming a part of this franchise's most adorable mascot. Truly, his greatest enemy was cuteness itself.

As for Arakune, well, Litchi praised him lots, got him back to his comfy tube and gladly left. Once again, the Six Heroes were torn apart by circumstance.

* * *

Rachel Alucard teleported inside the small room that once belonged to Kagura Mutsuki, but as of right now was a no-man's land as Kokonoe continued her frantic search for Minerva and didn't allow anybody who entered the place to leave.

Beings that entered the place included, but were not limited to: Lambda, Noel, Makoto, Taokaka, Tager, all of Hibiki's little pet crows, Amane's entire troupe and a couple exotic coloured Pakumen that were currently following the Professor around. "Where is she?! One of you must have found…! Oh, hey Rachel. How's it going? Did you find—"

"You saw Yuuki Terumi enter the Colosseum and just let him _stroll_ around like he owned the place?!"

Kokonoe was dumbstruck for a moment. The noisy room didn't help her concentrate at all. "I was a little too _busy_ to see where he was going."

"Busy with _what_?!"

"Busy with the fact _a certain_ _someone's **butt**_ almost destroyed the key to Celica's entire being." She not so subtly eyed the one true Pakumen that was currently hanging on her shoulders like an adorable white backpack.

"Zea." It responded in a cute guilty tone.

"Don't you 'zea' me, mister! This is all _your_ goddamn fault! And you guys!" She pointed at the other Pakumen that were gathering at her feet. "Stop following me around already! Go play janken or something!"

The Pakumen turned to each other and to their fingerless hands with a puzzled expression. "Zea?" They all collectively asked themselves, but there was no answer to solve this conundrum.

Rachel, meanwhile, turned to everyone else in the room. "And why didn't you do anything?! You saw him enter and leave the arena, but no one had the brilliant idea to _follow_ after him?!"

Our heroic Black Knight was the first to shrug. "I mean, he came to take that damn cat away, I sure as hell wasn't going to stop him."

"I wasn't watching the match. I dislike these kinds of events." Tsubaki explained herself.

"I was trying to keep an eye on Tsubaki, since Hibiki-san couldn't do it, so I wasn't watching either. I'm sorry…" Noel lowered her head humbly.

"You don't need to be sorry, Noel. It's not your fault." Makoto replied quickly, taking her friend's side. "I thought there was something off about that guy, but since I didn't recognize him, I just left it at that."

"How _didn't_ you recognize him? You worked under Hazama for _years_!"

"Sure, but he was _nothing_ like Captain Hazama?"

Rachel could not believe her ears. "Half their moves have _exactly the same animation_."

"Yeah, but his eyes were like, _wide open_."

Before Rachel Alucard could conjure a Tempest Dahlia that would absolutely thrash what remained of the room, Hibiki Kohaku's calm voice soothed her annoyance. "I did find little semblance between the two as well, at least for the little I was able to watch."

Bedridden by being literally held to the bed by a magic formula, the Black Knight's secretary could do nothing but sigh loudly in annoyance every few seconds.

"And what about _you_?!" Rachel Alucard turned to the only man in the entire room who was completely silent. "_You_ of all people must have recognized him!"

Jin Kisaragi glared coldly at the petite lady. "I _would_ have recognized him if my Brother wasn't in the ring." He replied with contempt. "But as it was, my Brother was the only one I focused on."

"He was literally _passed out_ through the entire ordeal!"

"One more reason to keep my focus solely on him." Jin sighed and started talking to himself. "To be in such a vulnerable position in the middle of a battlefield… Honestly, Brother, you are such a handful~ If I wasn't there to watch you while you had your beauty sleep, with your precious face all red from the cat's tiny adorable paws, who knows what could have happened to you~"

"…And he's off to his own little world. I guess even the enemy who built his entire existence off of sheer hate can't defeat brotherly feelings." Rachel Alucard sighed in defeat. "Heavens, you people are absolutely _useless_."

As she crossed her arms and puffed her cheeks in anger, Amane Nishiki came along to offer his advice. "Well darling, sometimes one must take matters into their own hands, don't you think so?"

As she turned to the beautiful man in the kimono, her anger subsided. "Oh." Rachel Alucard watched the new Observer, realizing her own potential as a heroine was now fully unlocked. "Dear me, you are absolutely correct."

"No surprise there, honestly." He replied half-hiding a smile with his sleeve. Rachel nodded with renewed energy as she teleported away.

* * *

"_Terumi!_" Rachel called out as she teleported inside the lab. The two men turned to her. "Where is—"

"Last floor, the room to the left." Terumi answered bluntly. He was a bit too shaken by his previous ordeal to care much about the vampire. "Have fun." He turned back to the tube and poked its cold surface. "Is it done already."

"Stop being hasty. It'll be finished soon enough." Relius Clover replied, adjusting his mask and sitting back in his big chair. He noticed Rachel's gaze. "Why are you still here? The Man of the Blue is upstairs."

"Where's Hazama?" She asked, wary of the fact there were only the two of them there.

"Inside the tube." Terumi answered in a gloomy tone and knocked on the glass. There was movement inside. "Still a cat."

"Huh?" Somewhat curious, Rachel Alucard approached the tube the two men watched so intently. She saw a small pink creature with a very familiar hat. "Oh." The cat hissed and turned his back at her. It resumed frolicking around inside the tube. "That explains a lot, actually."

"Aren't you going after your precious boyfriend, you damn bloodsucker?" Terumi shooed her away. "Get the hell out of here."

Rachel Alucard dismissed that treatment, for she knew very well that the ghost had no manners. "Very well. Goodbye." The petite lady teleported away to the room he'd mentioned before. She arrived just in the nick of time.

"Rachel!?" Ragna called out to her as soon as he noticed the whirlwind. "Oh, thank God!" He cried out, struggling in place. "Help me!"

He was firmly tied to the bed and Izanami was sitting on top of him. The woman had just started unbuttoning his shirt. "Do not interfere, former Observer." The Imperator threatened with a heavy tone. "Unless you wish to face the punishment of Death."

Rachel Alucard's face darkened. She was a proper lady, but at this moment, she was also the heroine of this tale. And there was a hero in distress to be saved from a terrible fate. "Get your filthy hands _off_ my man _right now_."

"Oh?" Izanami smiled dastardly as she turned to face her opponent. "And what will you do? Hit me with your puny pillows?" As she got off the bed, the queenly woman scoffed at the one who opposed her. "I see you're not even with your ugly little mascots today. What can a spoiled little princess such as yourself do against the Imperator?"

"My dear." Rachel pulled up her sleeves and cracked her knuckles. "Right now, _I _am the _heroine_ and _you_ are a _sex offender_." She summoned George XIII and placed him in the floor between them. "Just take a guess as to who's going to win this fight."

"Oh, my." Izanami was ready. "I do wonder."

* * *

_Hello, ProxyEdgy here._

_Bear with me for a second, if you please: Seed of **Tartarus**; Gauntlet **Hades**; **Inferno** Divider; **Hell**'s Fang; Devoured by **Darkness**; **Nightmare** Edge; **Carnage** Scissors; Black **Onslaught**; Blood **Cain**; Blood **Scythe**; The **Grim Reaper**. What do these have in common? Death and Punishment. So why the heck is his spike a **Dead Spike**-san instead of a _**Death**_ Spike-san?! Where's the 'dead' on that, it's clearly alive, it even growls when you call it and it looks ready to munch on anything around it with its ginormous teeth! _

_I've written DP's name wrong since the first part of this story and I. feel. so. _annoyed_. by this fact. (I'll correct it, though, 'cause that's what I do when I make mistakes)_

_Anyways, this chapter is huge 'cause I had lots of ideas and little extra time, so I just wrote memos and kinda developed it whenever. I'm surprised it somehow worked out to make it even between 'A Plot' and 'B plot'. It does looks like it's planned, but no, it wasn't. (Still, I'm _very happy about how okay it turned out, though I might have gone __a little_ overboard and written too much?__) _

_*Oh, and "BFS" means "Big Freakin' Sword", in case you try to Google it and it returns "Breadth-first Search" instead. (Poor Google, it's just trying to make us learn more about graph-searching algorithms)  
_


	12. The epilogue-ing

"We are done."

Slowly, the slender figure rose from the bed, sitting up. It was hard to notice the fact, what with his very heavy eyelids, but the man blinked. "My god." He watched his own arms intently. "I have _hands_."

Relius Clover blatantly ignored the comment. "Do you feel…" Before he could finish the question, very dramatic lightning came through the scene. "…anything unusual?"

"I have _legs_." The Captain continued on with the obnoxious fake surprise in his voice. "Oh my, I actually have a _voice_. As in, _vocal chords_ that work to make _sounds_ that are perceived as _words_."

With a slight hint of curiosity, Relius Clover entertained the act by staying silent. Hazama proceeded to touch his own face and run his fingers through his hair. "And would you look at _that_, I even have a proper, _human_ body." The man's smile was delicately carved into his lips so as to be as annoying as he could possibly get away with. "I can hardly contain my excitement over this _unbelievable_ situation. _I_, a _human_. My, the mere thought never entertained my mind for even a single…"

"Are you finished?" Relius interrupted the little act without a care, throwing some clothes at the naked man. "If so, then I'd like you to dress up and…" Once again, there was strong lightning that blinded the whole laboratory. "…get out."

"Your dramatic lightning seems to be out of sync, Colonel." Hazama noted as he got dressed.

"These are not mine. They are the vampire's." Relius replied almost as if offended. "She and the Imperator have been at it for at least four rounds. The winner is bound to arise soon."

"That is fascinating and also I don't really care." The lean man then got up and approached the nearest reflective surface to finish adjusting his clothes. "Huh?" He leaned closer, noticing something amiss. "Colonel Relius."

Relius Clover was no longer paying any mind to Hazama, and he took a while to realize his name had been called. "Yes?"

"_Is_ every part of my body fixed?"

"I believe so." Relius replied absentmindedly while sitting down on his big comfy chair. "Same lanky appearance, same sleepy face…"

"You _made_ me like this, you have no right to refer to me with these kinds of derisive terms."

"I had little choice on that matter." The masked man slowly drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair. Another lightning came through the room, along with much noise. "Terumi's demands were very specific."

"About my amazing body or my handsome face?" Hazama found his tattered hat on the nearby table. It was the very one that had been mostly on his head for the entirety of that adventure. A precious memento of this otherworldly experience.

He promptly threw it on the thrash and got himself a new one. "About the vessel's eyelids." The noise subdued. "Hmm. It seems they are finished."

"Hey, no dozing off." Hazama slammed the table, making Relius jump with the sudden noise. "You were talking about me and I demand that you continue."

"What other information would you possibly want?"

Hazama crossed his arms. "You were talking about my eyes, so tell me."

"What about them intrigues you, exactly?"

"Well, what the hell did Terumi-san asked for my eyelids to be?"

Relius Clover was silent for a moment, as if collecting his thoughts on the matter at hand. "He asked for them to be heavy and hard to open."

"Huh?" That was truly a strange thing to ask. Hazama felt it made sense, but couldn't quite explain the reason for this assurance. "Why?"

"Because, out of all the bodily functions he could have trouble imitating, it was _blinking_ that truly puzzled him."

"What."

"Even more than keeping his mouth closed when he wasn't talking, yes." Relius sighed with the memories that came uninvited to his mind. "Although I believe this one he actually learned to do himself when he first realized he was drooling."

"…You truly know a lot about him, huh."

"I could tell you every single detail of his most inhumanly stupid moments, but that would not favour you at all. He is immune to blackmail and, unless he has a scapegoat to shift the blame to, his memory of his own shortcomings is as retaining as a goldfish's."

"That is quite a shame." Hazama replied with a condescending tone. "Going back to the actual good subject, would you have a mirror, Colonel?"

"What do you want a mirror for? Your face is as always, I assure you."

"You may say that, but when I look at my blurry reflection over here, there is something that doesn't look quite right." The Captain's tone took a slight shift, despite keeping the usual polite façade. "A _small_ and _bothersome_ _detail_, if you will. Nothing quite life-threatening, I'm sure, but _still_…"

Relius understood it quite enough. "…Is it because of your hair?"

"_Of_ _course_ it is because of my hair!" The Captain blurted out, unable to keep his composure. "How can you say everything's all right?! It's god damn _pink_!"

"Actually, that shade is rose. Pink is warmer."

The calm demeanour of the masked man was the one thing that Hazama could not stand right now. "Colonel Relius, I don't give a damn about how they're called, my natural hair colour is _not_ supposed to be _anywhere near_ any such shade."

"I know."

"Then _do something_."

"I'll work on that." The promise felt as empty and devoid of care as the one the Puppeteer had made when he realized Hazama had been turned into a small house-pet. "In the meantime…" Relius tossed a small object his way, which the Captain easily caught. It was a small flask full of pills. "We better not risk it, so keep taking one every five hours or so."

Hazama could do nothing but glare through his heavy eyelids as he agreed. "I will do so." He put the flask in his pocket and left the lab.

As he closed the door of the laboratory behind him, two people came down from upstairs, one cradled in the arms of the other. Hazama tipped his hat to both of them while avoiding eye contact.

Ragna the Bloodedge, scorched from the proximity with all the badly aimed lightning strikes, merely waved by as Rachel Alucard carried him, bridal-style. From his mouth, Ragna's soul was almost coming out of his body, and it too was black as charcoal from the injuries.

The petite vampire suddenly stopped on her tracks and turned her head to the Captain. "Have you seen a grey robot decorated with green lights around?"

"I have not." He lied through his teeth while smiling as usual.

"Well, that's a shame." Rachel sighed. The red rose scented whirlwind soon enveloped both her and the man she held in her small lady arms. "You do look better like this than as a cat, though rose pink really isn't your best colour."

"I couldn't agree more." Hazama nodded as he watched her teleport away. As he made his way into his office, the feeling of a proper human body brought him some resemblance of satisfaction. When he finally reached the room, the Captain was basically back to his usual self.

As he carelessly opened the door, the hooded man inside the office jumped. "Hazama-chan!" Terumi called, turning around with an exasperated expression. "Nice to see you again."

"What are you doing in my…" Before Hazama could imagine all the unkindly ways the ghost could booby trap his office to get back at him, Terumi walked right to the Captain and held his shoulders tightly. "Terumi-san?"

"Look, man, I need your help." Terumi wasn't smiling, and that was enough to signalize nothing was right in the world. "It won't stop coming after me."

"What are you talking abou…" Hazama looked over the ghost's shoulder and his eyes opened widely in disbelief, showing a glimpse of the golden irises underneath. "Oh." He could see it clearly. On top of _his_ table, wagging its tail while yearningly leaning over, trying to get closer to the two men, was a _cat_. But it was no mere cat, oh no. It was a 'Skitty', as Relius had named it: a silly-looking thing with slit eyes, a big mouth, tiny stubby paws and very round body parts.

And it was half-cream, half-_green_.

Myah!

"So _that's_ _where my hair colour_ **_went_**!?" Hazama pushed Terumi away and pulled the butterfly knife from his pocket with full murderous intent. "Oh, you disgusting little beast, I'll rip every hair off your body until you…!"

"It's useless."

"Huh!?" Stopped in his tracks by a single hand holding his left arm, Hazama turned to Terumi. "_What_ is useless?!"

"Everything short of blowing it up inside the microwave, I'm afraid." Terumi explained with a defeated tone. "And Relius just_ won't l_et me try that."

"What the hell are you talking about." Hazama freed his arm and pointed the knife at the little Skitty, who was still trying it's darnest to get closer to them but was simply too afraid of the small height to jump off the table. Needless to say, it was not exactly the brightest creature in that room. "Just get a blade through its stupid face, it's not that hard!"

"It bounces."

"_What_?"

Terumi sighed angrily. "Everything I try just _bounces_." He explained in pure frustration. "Even if I try throwing the damn _cat_ away, it _fucking __**bounces back **__at me_, like an unpoppable, indestructible _balloon_."

"Well, maybe you're not trying hard enough!"

They stared each other down for a moment, both holding back from jumping at the other's throat. "Well, _fine_." The hooded ghost yielded, even though it was against his best interest. "You don't believe I tried? Then give me that knife and I'll _show you_!"

"This one's _mine_." Hazama sneered at him. "Get your _own_ knife."

Terumi looked somewhat dumbfounded by the very simple statement. "Everything you own **_is_** _mine_, you dumbfuck!" He finally managed to blurt out, but soon retracted the statement. "That is, except for that disgusting shampoo. You can keep _that_."

Hazama really wasn't in the mood to start _that_ argument once more, so he just made his point as quickly and painlessly as possible. "You know if you don't use it your stupid hair will never get down."

"I _refuse_ to smell of _freshly picked lavender_ on **_principle_**."

"Well, suit yourself." Luckily for him, that talk was mercifully short. Now, for the most pressing matters at hand… "I'm going to _kill that cat_."

Myah?

As Hazama approached, the green Skitty stopped in its attempts at getting down the table to watch him. When the Captain was close enough to land the blow, the little Mon jumped on him without warning, catching him off guard. The Skitty used his arm as support to get down to the floor, and proceeded to skip happily to Terumi's side.

Myah~

Reaching him, it started rubbing its round and cute body against the hooded man's leg, the act visibly sending a shiver through his entire ghostly body. The green Skitty eventually climbed up Terumi's cloak and stood on his shoulder, blissfully nuzzling his cheek.

Hazama could barely stomach the heinous scene. "My god, it _loves_ you."

"I _know_." The ghost's voice was but a tremulous whisper of dread and revulsion. "It feels so _wrong_." Terumi shivered, petrified by the soft touch of the small animal's fur. "It's like, eating _broccoli_ or something."

Clearly, it was up to the Captain to put an end to such an abhorrent sight. And Hazama took this responsibility to his shoulders as the paragon of righteousness that he had always been. "Well, stay still, I'm going to get it now."

"Hazama-chan, if you get your damn knife anywhere _near_ my face I will make you _eat this __**damn cat**_."

He ignored the words of the victim, for the hooded man was surely not in his best state of mind. It's just natural that someone this scared would lash back, even if Hazama just had everyone's best interest in mind. Truly, he needed to stay strong and think of the greater good. "Just _stay still_…" The Captain slowly approached, searching for the best angle to make his swift strike. "And let _me…_ take _care_… _of __**it**__!_" Hazama attacked.

The knife's blade hit the soft skin of the green Skitty and bounced away harmlessly. The Mon didn't even pay the gesture any mind, merely continuing to nuzzle Terumi's ever paling cheek.

"Huh." Hazama took a step back, somewhat appalled by what happened. _If only_ he had somehow been _warned_ of such a thing… "I saw that going very differently in my mind."

"I _told_ you _it's_ _fucking useless_."

Refusing to accept this failure, Hazama merely shrugged it off as a mistake in his calculations. "Well, maybe I did something wrong. Let me try it again."

"What?! _No_!" Terumi somehow mustered the strength to take a step back. "Get this knife away from…!"

"Here it **_goes_**!" This time, Hazama's strike was perfectly on target. The knife hit the green Skitty's moon-shaped forehead and bounced away again, the blade missing Terumi's face by millimetres. "My, its skin is thicker than I thought."

"Hazama-chan, **_stop_** this stupid shit **_right now_** before I…"

"_Third time's the charm_~" Smiling widely, Hazama took another shot at it, this time aiming for the animal's big mouth. "Now **_die_**, you little…!"

The green Skitty, finally noticing Hazama and promptly mistaking his moving hand for an invitation to play, excitedly wagged its tail and bit down on the knife. The blade cracked and broke apart, much to everyone but the Mon's dismay.

Myah.

Spitting the pieces out, the green Skitty got up and, balancing itself on Terumi's shoulder, tried to get a hold of Hazama's hand, which still held the remaining part of the butterfly knife. Terumi, slowly recovering from all the previous nuzzling, grabbed the Mon and shoved it into Hazama's face. "Here, it's _yours_!"

"_Mine_!?" The Captain quickly backed away. "Whatever are you talking about?!"

"It came from _you_, so it's _yours_!"

"Well, it's the _Colonel_'s fault, so give it back to _him_!"

Terumi's judgemental gaze made Hazama very uncomfortable. "Wow, what a _damn_ _lousy mother _you are, running away from your responsibilities like _that_."

Myah!

Oblivious to the talk, Hazama's 'responsibilities' merely wagged its tail and smiled widely to both men. "I want to say 'throw it out the window', but…"

"_Already_ **_tried_**." Terumi promptly snarled. "It _bounced_ **_back_**."

"…I still need my original hair colour back." Hazama finished his sentence with a deep sigh. As Terumi kept trying to shove the small animal into his face, the Captain could do nothing but stay many steps away from the ghost. "Just… Just give it back to Colonel Relius. Let him deal with the crap he makes for once."

"You really want a _cat-doll_, man? 'Cause we're gonna get a **_cat-doll_**."

The thought of a half-metal half-cat puppet hovering ominously after them invaded their minds at almost the exact same instant. The two men shivered at once, unable to put their dread into words. "Okay, let's put a pin on that and _never get back to it ever again_."

"Agreed." Terumi and Hazama were quiet for a moment, both trying to cleanse their minds from such a frightful image.

As for the silly little Skitty, well, it was just so absurdly _happy_ to be there. The little thing just couldn't stop thinking about how much it loved these two dastardly unlikeable gentlemen, and so it continued wagging its tail and longing for the freedom of nuzzling Terumi's cheek once again.

Myah~

The ghost was the first one to recover, perhaps because he had more pressing matters in his hands. Literally. "So _take it_." Terumi pushed the green Skitty onto Hazama. The Captain immediately backed away once again. "Be _responsible_ and _take this fucker away_ already, Hazama-chan!"

"You were never responsible with anything, why should I?" Hazama promptly refused. Merely looking at the small creature was making him sick to his stomach. "It _loves_ you _so very much_, you should just _keep it_. Think of it as an early Christmas gift."

"It's _January_!"

"It's never too early to start getting gifts~"

"Oh, _fuck you_." Terumi gave up and let go of the Skitty. The little Mon fell to the ground and bounced one, two, three times before it rolled around and got up on its stubby little paws. Terumi looked down at it with disgust. "And fuck you _too_."

Myah.

The happy little green Skitty strolled right back to Terumi's side and nuzzled his leg. He kicked it, making the Mon roll away and hit the closed door. The Skitty got up on its stubby paws and, without missing a beat, went right back to his side. Terumi kicked it away again.

It didn't take long for Hazama to understand the little animal thought of this as just a very fun and harmless play. Terumi-san, however, was far too busy getting exponentially angrier at the dumb little thing to realize he was just making it love him more and more. By the time he got tired of it, the green Skitty was just head over heels for the hooded ghost.

"You _little fuck…_" Terumi whined as the Skitty climbed on his cloak and perched itself on his shoulder, again nuzzling the ghost's cheek. "Get it _away from me_…" Hazama felt this wouldn't be the last time he would hear those words.

* * *

Relius Clover got back to his room just to find it was already crowded. Still, he found a place to sit on the corner of the bed beside the two other men. Ignis, who softly cradled the small animal in her hands, released it from her careful grasp and allowed it to jump to the ground. She then stood still, resting by Relius' side.

As for the Skitty (which was still green), it jumped on the bed and started making itself comfortable by Terumi's side. The ghost tried pushing it away a couple times, but it just came back right away, so he soon gave up and resorted to ignoring the animal.

The frustrated acceptance that pervaded the gesture was not lost on Relius. As the masked man opened his book, the question just slipped out through his lips. "So, what are you naming it?"

Hazama was the one to turn his gaze away from the cards to glance at Relius with disgust. "Please stop your jokes, Colonel, we are **_not_** going to—"

"Ouroboros the Fourth."

"Terumi-san!"

The ghost lifted his head a little and shrugged. "What?"

Hazama was just too shocked to reply immediately. "_You_…" Having difficulty forming words, he resorted to slowly put down a card on the discard pile. "Don't give Ouroboros' name to this… this _disgusting_ _beast_."

Said monstrous creature was currently wagging its tail as it quietly watched the two man play their little card game.

Myah.

"Okay, fine, I suppose you _have_ a damn point." Terumi actually agreed with someone for a change. He was silent while he thoughtfully chose his next move. "Then it's 'dumbass'."

"No." Relius was the one to pronounce his dissatisfaction this time.

"_What_?" The hooded ghost watched intently as Hazama put down his next card. "That's what it _is_."

"You would really do yourself no favours by giving it such a name, Terumi."

"Ugh, fine, then it's…" Terumi gazed at the green Skitty for a moment, clearly using all of his mental faculties to decide on a creative name for it. The dumb little Mon was very pleased with the attention, and it smiled kindly to everyone in the room. "Balloon."

"_Excuse me?_"

Terumi clearly did not expect such immediate backlash, as he jumped a little with Hazama's sudden complaint. It took a moment for the hooded ghost to recover from it. "We'll name it balloon, 'cause that's what it looks like?"

There was not one sight of approval to be found in that cramped room, because the green Skitty had just closed its slit eyes and Relius was busy reading his book. "That is way too reasonable for something _you_ came up with." The masked man noted in agreement with the Captain's displeasure.

"Gah, come on, you _jerks_." Terumi drew a card and accepted his fate as Hazama slapped him in the face. "If you don't like it, why don't _you fuckers_ name the damn thing then?"

"I am **_not_** naming a cat and we are **_not_** going to keep it." Hazama bluntly replied, doing his best to keep his professional tone in view of the situation.

Relius Clover, on the other hand, had the perfect excuse not to participate in that process. "I asked the question, so you should be the one to provide me with the answer."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, you guys are _fucking useless_." Terumi sighed and took another look at the green Skitty. The little creature gazed right back at him, with more love and joy than anyone could put into words. Terumi's aversion to the fact was as clear as day. "We'll call it _Cat_."

"That's not even a _name_." Hazama scoffed.

"I know and I don't give a fuck anymore." Terumi slapped Hazama's face as the other leaned to draw a card. _Cat_ the green Skitty, meanwhile, simply curled up a bit, still wagging its tail as it played what its silly mind thought was the most fun game of all: looking at its favourite person while being near its other favourite persons.

Somewhere far away, in a small café with a view of the waterfall, a strong and muscular man was sharing a table with a man in white armour. The air around them was stiff, as neither tried to break the awkward silence ever since their gazes first met. Some say that, if this fragile balance were to be broken, the entire world would come to an end.

* * *

_And it's over~_

_Wow, that was really fun. My first ever English-conceived story. I'm so proud of myself! *proudly puffs cheeks* Do I get the right to ramble a bit now? I think I do!_

_So! I became a fan of BlazBlue this year! And! It's all! Because…! Of my cat allergies. __(I am not joking, it _is_ that silly)_

_It just so happened that, one day, I was talking to my friend and the topic changed to cats, so I complained: "Man, I just wish the damn things didn't exist!"_

_"Why?! They're lovely!"_

_"Yeah but I'm __**allergic**__."_

_My friend stares at me for a moment and goes like: "You know, I think I know a character you might like." He gets his phone and shows me Hazama. "So, this guy. He's also allergic and he also hates cats."_

_"I don't hate... Oh hey, he's got green hair and a big smile."_

_"Yeah, and he's a bad guy too."_

_"…thanks I love it."_

_And that was it. I entered the franchise knowing exactly one random fact about Hazama and nothing else. Honestly, I think it was just meant to be. Truly, this must be love._

_So, with that said, thank you very much for reading, fellow BlazBlue fans! This is the very last update, and I really hope you enjoyed it, for as silly and random as it was!_

_So this is it. The last update. I bid you goodbye._

_~Fim~ (With an 'm' because I have to honour the dear language I speak, after all)_


End file.
